Hi Kate,
First and foremost, you seem like a professional and an intellectual person. Maintain this level of professionalism and you will
stand out from the rest. Don't worry, you are moving in the right direction. I can tell you that most of your assumptions are correct, and that in order to attract top affiliates you need to show your offer converts well and has a solid EPC (this is the most important stat).
Additionally, you can't expect them all to come directly to you. A lot of recruiting and reaching out needs to be done on your end. Think of this as networking and you will rock it. Find the inner circles within your niche and start connecting with people in them. Find a way to add value to their audiences. I'm not sure what niche you're in, but I can tell you that as a vendor/product creator with an email list I would promote your product if I saw it was converting and if you reached out to me directly. A lot of "super" affiliates aren't looking for offers to promote if they're also vendors.
Monitor your analytics, A/B test your landing pages, and keep pushing traffic to your offer whether it's through this site or any other forum. The best way to get solid traffic though is to work directly with someone. Yes, it's not as automated, but it's much more effective.
I hope this helps!
p.s. Yes, Think and Grow Rich is an all-time great. If you need any additional coaching feel free to PM me.
-Arman