Critique my email PT2

Hello again

I took what everyone said in the last post into consideration and was very thankful

Here is a heavily improved version but I'm sure some of you still will have critiques for it which I appreciate!

Below is my cold email to business's who have a shitty IG page and I am offering a management service which I am outsourcing

Please feel free to critique it!

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Hello (*insert name) glad to connect with you,


Recently I was browsing your Instagram and was very impressed with your brand. I looked further and noticed that your engagement could be improved by a milestone.


Let me tell you how I can help you and why I’m qualified. I’ve been in the Instagram marketing game for over a year and work with accounts with hundreds of thousands of followers. There are many techniques you can apply to increase likes, comments, and follows. One page I am running as of right now gets insane engagement and growth for it’s size. The account has over 13k followers and constantly brings in over 9k organic likes (@**********).


I will provide to you a Instagram management service that will increase both your engagement and follower count. Your business’s online presence especially on social media sites like Instagram could really boost your sales. The management service is manual and will be tailored to your audience. It would be an honor to manage your page.


Below I attached a guide that I wrote personally that gives real ways to grow your brand through Instagram. It isn’t too long and it is packed full of good information. If you are impressed maybe we could work together in the future. Just contact me via email if you are interested.


I appreciate you taking time out of your day to read this. I’m excited to hear back from you!


Thank you,

My name

Anyone?

Better. Go even shorter. I know it's difficult, but small biz owners have zero time. Make it very short and appealing.

Also say that you've been in Instagram marketing for over 3 years. 1 year sounds too short and nobody will know or call you on it.

You lost me after milestone. Make it shorter. Use bullet points over paragraphs, if you want to get your message through. Read it aloud. "glad to connect with you" sounds cheesy.

Make sure the example you provide has more or similar followers.

Try to sound a little more confident.

Change your experience to a few years or more. Over a year sounds short.

show them numbers!
analyze their account, do some homework, genuinely interested in their account, state their current stat and engagement rate.
tell them how many followers you could grow for them in a month (roughly!)