Am I in the wrong here?

Give him the money but make him remember that. Welcome him home with a long speech about life and growing up. If he says anything to you remind him how you saved his ass. You can't really leave your brother in the shit but make this one count.

What does he do since hes 22? No job? And I completely agree techxan. My sister is a spoiled brat that doesn't know the value of money or hard work. She never had the job nor does she want a job. ( I always tell her to apply ) She expects my parents to pay for everything, like no. Just no. You're not wrong OP, I understand what you're talking about.

I would personally feel obligated to give him the money. My brother was sort of the same in that he didn't mature until his 30s actually. In fact, he was kind of afraid of life I guess, but now he has held his same job for 10 years, bought a house and has found his way in life. Does this make his leech for years any better? No, but he is still my brother and I helped him when he needed it. Talk to him, ask him to pay you back and really try understanding why he is the way he is.

What I would do...

Pay the $200 and get him out of the shit but tell your mother that you will be expecting all 3 of you to sit down when he comes home (no warning him though...) to sort his priorities out.
He can't go on sponging like this, he needs to learn he has just as many responsibilities as you do and needs to man up and start helping around the house etc.
If he can't find a job he can start doing things that matter in other areas.

erickishere said:

What does he do since hes 22? No job? And I completely agree techxan. My sister is a spoiled brat that doesn't know the value of money or hard work. She never had the job nor does she want a job. ( I always tell her to apply ) She expects my parents to pay for everything, like no. Just no. You're not wrong OP, I understand what you're talking about.

Click to expand...

He went to school for 4 years to become a Sports Journalist, as soon as his internship was up they didn't keep him on and he just sat around. Writing jobs usually start with an internship, so I'm always telling him that he should be looking to get into a new one (even if it isn't paid).

He just has absolutely no motivation to do anything other than play video games, he's also my OLDER brother. When the new baseball game came out (The Show) he was so excited that he couldn't wait a few hours to play it, he pre-purchased it digitally and then flipped out when it wouldn't download properly.

He unplugged his PS4 trying to get it work while it was still on and broke it in the process, the next two weeks he was in and out of my room plugging and unplugging my PS4 back in so that he could play his game.

An intervention might actually be necessary here!

- A

OP, I kind of agree with you.
Sorry but I have no time for these people that spend their lives playing video games.
I like gaming but it is something you do to relax, AFTER work/making money.
(I wonder what professional gamers do after a hard days gaming?)
Anyway just gift the money to your Mother, otherwise she will have the stress and worry of dealing with it.

As for your Bro, make an anonymous call to customs on his way back, after a 3 hour intimate body cavity search he won't be able to sit down for a week to play his games.

Sounds like your brother has a bit of a depression problem.

He might benefit from talking to someone about his life and how he feels about things.

BassTrackerBoats said:

Sounds like your brother has a bit of a depression problem.

He might benefit from talking to someone about his life and how he feels about things.

Click to expand...

I wouldn't go as far as saying depressed, he spends the majority of his time playing video games but it is with the same set of friends he's had for like 6+ years. I suppose he just feels like he didn't go to school for the right thing, I remember he said he wanted to go back for an HVAC course (because installing air conditioners is a lot funner than writing, right?).

Who knows, hopefully he sees the light sooner rather than later.

- A

Aluminium said:

BHW seems pretty one-sided so far, it's not like I'm aching for $200 or anything, it's just the principle I suppose.

Obviously I look out for the best interests of my family, that's why I do what I do, but I'm not sure about this one!

- A

Click to expand...

Just my 2c but if you do it, just give him the money. I've learned that if you're going to "loan" a family member, or close friend money, don't expect to be paid back. I don't mean that in a negative way mind you.

But my question is: Is this a pattern where you are always bailing him out time after time? If so, you're just enabling him to continue making mistakes. But if this is a one off occurrence that's different. The fact that a 22 year old GROWN MAN feels the need to slough off to Chicago to play video games is...sorry I have to say it....pretty lame.

I am also 22 without a job and worried by your post, lol. I will always help my brother.

loclhero said:

Just my 2c but if you do it, just give him the money. I've learned that if you're going to "loan" a family member, or close friend money, don't expect to be paid back. I don't mean that in a negative way mind you.

But my question is: Is this a pattern where you are always bailing him out time after time? If so, you're just enabling him to continue making mistakes. But if this is a one off occurrence that's different. The fact that a 22 year old GROWN MAN feels the need to slough off to Chicago to play video games is...sorry I have to say it....pretty lame.

Click to expand...

That's pretty much the sole reason I refused to pay, the trip was ridiculous in the first place... but now it's dipping into MY pockets?

Terrible.

- A

You are wrong!

Why the hell would you let a 22 year old kid (can't call him a man) go and play xbox at his friends house for 1 month? That is where you went wrong!

Not "lending" him the money is the right thing to do. He needs to learn to stand on his own feet, if you keep treating him like a child then he will keep acting like one.

I will always help my brother , but wait , WTF he is 22 and still that much in video games ?

I will just ask him to get a fucking job , if he can't then will ask him to help in my task in return of money.
(you should let me realise the reality of this world, he can't pretend like a kid )
-=-

Send it but not until the end of the two weeks or even a month later. Keep telling him you will send it but take your time. Let him suffer a little no?

Also don't only think about him, think about your Mother and yourself. No one is perfect so if you were in that situation, wouldn't you like someone to help you out?

family is family man, you have to help him.

family takes the #1 priority, without a doubt you should help your brother.

Don't give him the money yet.

He's not going to die. He will be ok, and maybe learn something. Let him to live a little adventure and if in some days he don't have the money yet, so help him.

Travelling is not so dangerous as some people think, and it help us to grow.

Hey Aluminium,

I know how you feel, but let me try to give you a little different perspective. First, sorry but it isn't directly related to paying him. I see that your brother is wasting his time with pc games, just as I did between 14 and 18. The reason why I was addicted to it was my lack of self-respect and the needed ego-push I got from playing. We all want to be acknowledged and feel good about ourselfs, and it highly depends on which way we go. I think, if you really want your brother to stop playing and start working his ass off, you have to stop making him feel like a leech. Instead, try to give him hints of the value of having success in business. Try to make him believe in himself that he actually can do it! See, as I was addicted, my father made me think I was the biggest loser on the planet. Of course, I tried to counter-act that push against my self-respect by playing and playing and playing, so I felt better about being good in the game.

However, if you make him believe in himself and offer support on his way, he'll be able to step up and get it. I know, if it weren't for my mom, who always believed in me and always told me that no matter what, I can do it... I wouldn't have had the power to go through and make a living with IM projects on my own.

So, pay the money and tell him you want to talk with him afterwards. Don't be down-putting and don't give him a lecture on what's wrong with him. He'll just block because of the emotional pain. Instead try to show him what's good about him and why he can achieve it. Believe me, it works 1000x better than the typical "You suck, grow up finally!". And that's not only my opinion, but scientific research also has shown that positive feedback ALWAYS works better than negative.

warm regards,
neocortx

Imho, the problem here is your mother and not your brother. Pay for now and have a big talk with your mom about where your contributions end. If she wants to support your brother, fine, not your problem. But you have to draw the lines and you have to make sure you get the respect you deserve for your contributions (on whatever level you decide to contribute).

OP, why not create a gaming site or YT channel and get him to create content for them.
Or even a Sports site if he has qualifications in Sports Journalism.
Maybe he just needs a little push in the right direction.
If he starts complaining or loses interest then smash his Xbox and break his legs.