Am I in the wrong here?

HaiiroNeko · May 25, 2014

I think we all agree that OP should help his brother, but what is "helping"?

Sure he could help him out financially, but that would just enable his brother to continue on this path.

Giving him money is short term help, denying him money so that he has to get his shit together is long term help.

Maybe give him the money this one last time and clearly tell him that this is the last time you support him and that if he wants something he should work for it, just like everybody else.

LakeForest · May 26, 2014

Hell no do not give him money. In fact, ask him for some money for your vacation, why not? Talk with your mom about how inappropriate all of this situation and being asked to help in this way is. We don't know your family, but if this is an unusual situation for your brother, and if he would help pay for you if you were in his position, then you make your own call. I wouldn't, because to me wouldn't be "help" at all, and might actually enable bad behavior.

He was going on vacation...and vacations do not fall under helping out family or friends. Like I said earlier, it would be a kind gesture to give him the money, but it's not your responsibility at all. If he was starving, then ok help out, but he's going to go have fun. Forget that, tell him to figure out another way to get where he wants to go, or have him wait to go another time.

Just because someone made plans doesn't mean anything, your plans are important and matter too.

Codependency - look into it.

Aluminium · May 26, 2014

W130SN said:
OP, why not create a gaming site or YT channel and get him to create content for them.
Or even a Sports site if he has qualifications in Sports Journalism.
Maybe he just needs a little push in the right direction.
If he starts complaining or loses interest then smash his Xbox and break his legs.

Actually an incredibly good idea... I might have to tackle this for my next project!

- A

redrubies · May 26, 2014

Aluminum, I was just curious. Where did he get the original $300 from? W130SN had a very good idea. My youngest son made an xbox game video and he made it get thousands and thousands of hits just by telling all his xbox friends to watch it and spread the word. He lost interest in making videos because he has college, a girlfriend, and work. But it is a good way for your brother to make some money. Show your brother how to turn his hobby into making money. Also, it wouldn't hurt for your brother to talk to someone. He does sound depressed as someone else said. He doesn't have to look sad to be depressed. Perhaps he has lost his self worth and video games are an escape for him.

madoctopus · May 26, 2014

Neocortx said:
Hey Aluminium,

I know how you feel, but let me try to give you a little different perspective. First, sorry but it isn't directly related to paying him. I see that your brother is wasting his time with pc games, just as I did between 14 and 18. The reason why I was addicted to it was my lack of self-respect and the needed ego-push I got from playing. We all want to be acknowledged and feel good about ourselfs, and it highly depends on which way we go. I think, if you really want your brother to stop playing and start working his ass off, you have to stop making him feel like a leech. Instead, try to give him hints of the value of having success in business. Try to make him believe in himself that he actually can do it! See, as I was addicted, my father made me think I was the biggest loser on the planet. Of course, I tried to counter-act that push against my self-respect by playing and playing and playing, so I felt better about being good in the game.

However, if you make him believe in himself and offer support on his way, he'll be able to step up and get it. I know, if it weren't for my mom, who always believed in me and always told me that no matter what, I can do it... I wouldn't have had the power to go through and make a living with IM projects on my own.

So, pay the money and tell him you want to talk with him afterwards. Don't be down-putting and don't give him a lecture on what's wrong with him. He'll just block because of the emotional pain. Instead try to show him what's good about him and why he can achieve it. Believe me, it works 1000x better than the typical "You suck, grow up finally!". And that's not only my opinion, but scientific research also has shown that positive feedback ALWAYS works better than negative.

warm regards,
neocortx

^^^ That. Best advice in the thread. Problem is not he's a leech. The fact he's a leech is a symptom. So help him find/overcome his problem. Be nice with him without fueling his leech mentality. Be constructive. If he wants your help that's great but in my experience shit like this is so deep and painful that he would feel pain just to think at doing something with his life. So you need to find a way to help him without pushing him but by simply taking away from the things in his environment that weaken him. The bad thing about this is you essentially will have to carry all the pain that comes from that. Is your choice - if you think you're strong enough not to collapse and you want to do it or if you don't want to carry the problems of others.

UrsuAke · May 26, 2014

Aluminium said:
Actually an incredibly good idea... I might have to tackle this for my next project!

- A

Was gonna say the same thing. This or why doesn't he turn PRO? Not a shame in being a pro gamer, statistically speaking the average pro gets about 100-200k/year which isn't shabby at all. Sure it's a lot harder to make it in the big leagues or staying at that level but at least he'll have a reason for waking up in the morning.

Also, it would be nice if you, Aluminium, get to talk to a shrink/psychologist/therapist (the rapist lol..). He could coach you and give you the right approach in dealing with your brother's lack of motivation. As my little to no knowledge of this sort of things, there are loads of ways of getting shut down by him and a potential good idea would go to waste (you come at him in the wrong angle talking about getting vids on youtube, he rejects the idea because the way you pushed it and he forever associates the "youtube vids" thing as something he should walk away from).

Am I in the wrong here?

HaiiroNeko

Power Member

LakeForest

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Aluminium

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redrubies

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madoctopus

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UrsuAke

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