Am I in the wrong here?

So here's the situation:

My brother went to Chicago this morning, he was originally going to visit his friends (from Xbox, mind you) for a month. He packed a ton of clothes and even decided to bring both his PS4 as well as his Xbox One; he's staying at one of their houses. We dropped him off at the airport and such and everything was going smooth until we got about half-way home. He texted us saying that customs pulled him to the side and that he might miss his flight, if he did he would have to buy another ticket (or pay a change flight fee of $1,400, I thought that was absolutely retarded). He gets on the flight, but they tell him he can only visit for 2 weeks and after that he has to come back to Canada. We're Canadian citizens, and he's literally a 22-year old gamer (as sad as it sounds), so the only logical reason I could find pertaining to this 2 week limit was that they thought he was going to find work in the US. This isn't the reason, he's just stupid and felt the need to go to Chicago to play video games with his friends for a month straight.

This is where it gets funky, my mom comes and tells me that he needs about $200 to pay for the change of flight, seeing as he had originally planned on staying a month and was only staying the 2 weeks. My brother brought $300, so I figured since he was only staying for 2 weeks now that he would be able to pay for it himself. He isn't going anywhere particular, maybe a Cubs game or something, but I could definitely get by on $100 for two-weeks of nothing at all. His friend that he's staying with has wealthy parents, they paid for the initial flight and such, that's why I figured he'd be fine with $100.

She said that he would do it for me if I was in that situation, but the thing is that he hasn't had a job in ages (I'm the one who helps my mom with the bills and such, he's sort of a leech to be honest).

Am I in the wrong for refusing to pay? My mom said she would pay me back, but I don't want her paying for him either; I was looking at it as a lesson of sorts.

Thoughts?

- A

I would help my brother without question.

I would do the same for a friend.

Trepanated said:

I would help my brother without question.

I would do the same for a friend.

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Fair enough, I'm still considering it. The fact that he doesn't have a job and took a month to go to Chicago didn't sit too well with me, but he IS my brother...

- A

I'm not saying you are in the wrong though, just commenting on what I would do.

Perhaps you could help him out on the condition he agrees to pay you back and step up more at home when he gets back.

One thing that I have learned so far is to always try and help friends and family. I would help your bro if i was in your position but at the end is always your choice.

Hope you take the best decision

You do not give to receive. Remember that!

If I was him I'd stay for the 4 weeks and catch the original flight home. What's the worst that could happen get deported back to Canada for free.

BHW seems pretty one-sided so far, it's not like I'm aching for $200 or anything, it's just the principle I suppose.

Obviously I look out for the best interests of my family, that's why I do what I do, but I'm not sure about this one!

- A

If I were you I'd give my brother a call and say "You're on an adventure. I'll send you $50, make it count."

If he gets off his ass and helps around the house, help him.

If he don't, dont.

Only you know how big of a leech he is. I have a 44 year old niece who still has her mother pay for her car, insurance, food, apartment, cigarettes, and utility bills. My niece expects it and treats her mother like a servant.

At some point you gotta push them out on their own, or they become a drain on everyone in the family.

I do not mind helping, but I am not enabling.

Why give him the money? That will just further the problem. At 22, and unemployed, he shouldn't be taking a month long (or two week long) video game vacation in the first place. If you still want to give the money you should at least put some stipulations on it. I'm sure he can go online wherever he is at and fill out some job applications. Offer him $10 per application, if he can provide proof that it was submitted. If he really wants the money he's going to have to start working for it.

sell his xbox, and send him the money. seems fair.

I'd probably be inclined to help him out in this situation. He might not need or want the money to spend necessarily, but just as a security blanket in case. Judging from your story I kinda don't blame him, lol. But seriously, I understand where you're coming from and agree with you in principle about your standing on principle, but in this particular case with this set of circumstances, I think I'd do it. Of course, if you think he's just going to blow it like a fool because he can, then obv. there's no reason to be wasteful. He's at a place around a bunch of people he doesn't know outside of his gamer friend who he's never even met. He could just be worried about looking awkward if he has to ask his friend for money or something like that. That's a crazy story though, I hate airport hassles like that because you're basically at their mercy in some ways.

Like someone said above though, we don't know all the details and stuff so it's not really fair to judge whether you're in the right or wrong, and with some of the extenuating things that happened it doesn't seem that black and white. Put yourself in his shoes and try and think about what you'd be going through or feeling and then let your heart tell you what to do. He's already there, and at this point it doesn't much matter how he got to where he is in life, you just need to get this through this situation and then you can go from there. You can of course be the drill sergeant and "teach him a lesson", but that's not always what's needed. I've been in a similar situation with a family member as far as the leeching and stuff goes, so believe me I know the temptation to say enough is enough, but out of town like he is, with people he really doesn't know all that well, I think you may want to help him through this one and then sit him down or something when he gets back. Good luck though either way.

Some people grow up later in life, we live in a different world now. He is your brother, help him, and I wouldn't call my brother a leech. Eventually he won't be playing his games and he will man up.

I'd let that loser give blowjobs for airmiles outside the airport toilets..........but its not him thats asking its your Mum so you gotta man up and pull out your wallet.

DRiler said:

Some people grow up later in life, we live in a different world now. He is your brother, help him, and I wouldn't call my brother a leech. Eventually he won't be playing his games and he will man up.

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sometimes.
yet some people are a lost cause

if you give him money , don't ask for anything in return .
if you don't give him money , don't say coz he is a lazy ass .

Duffers5000 said:

I'd let that loser give blowjobs for airmiles outside the airport toilets..........but its not him thats asking its your Mum so you gotta man up and pull out your wallet.

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Hahahaha, maybe blowies are his life calling? Either way my mom seems pretty upset that I refused, so I'm probably just going to pay for it.

My big-baby brother gets off the hook again.

- A

Maybe an intervention? lol