I would just like to share something here with you; its a famous poster of one of the most profound men in U.S history:
Portrait of an Achiever
1831 He Failed in Business - Bankruptcy.
1832 Defeated for Legislature.
1834 Failed in Business again - Bankruptcy.
1835 Sweetheart and Fiancee died.
1836 Nervous Breakdown.
1838 Defeated in an Election.
1843 Defeated for U.S. Congress.
1846 Defeated again for U.S. Congress.
1848 Defeated once again for U.S. Congress.
1855 Defeated for U.S. Senate.
1856 Defeated for U.S. Vice President.
1858 Defeated again for U.S. Senate.
1860 Elected President of the United States.
... Abraham Lincoln
You cannot fail...UNLESS you quit!
"A quitter never wins and a winner never quits.
With that being said, Abraham Lincoln went through 29 years of defeat, failure, external struggle, and emotional struggle. If he would've quit trying in 1958... He would've never had the opportunity to become President of The United States, The United States could've still been divided into 2, and who knows what civil rights would've been like without him!
I know that time are rough and I know that you are going through some of the hardest moments in your life right now but I can say from experience that failure is only what you perceive it to be. REFUSE TO BELIEVE IN SUCH A THING AS FAILURE, you only fail when you decide that you've failed.
Stay humble enough to work a 9-5 job if you have to, and stay foolish enough to believe that you can break away from the societal norm and accomplish what it is you want in life. Perseverance is key and the story is in the struggle. If no one had ever struggled to succeed, no one would have an inspiring story to tell. I highly recommend getting into meditation, yoga, or at least begin reading some personal growth/self development material. Life is all about mastery, the more you master yourself the more you can master life.
My kind regards to you, I wish you the absolute best... just never give up and FORCE things to work for you and not against you.
-Mohammad Khalil