Don't ever get married

[ttmschine]

Go Portugal, I'll be there too from october - februari. Well cheers with some beers

Yeah I've never been to Portugal, was considering it or Greece - never been there either.

I'm wanting to take the kids away somewhere nice.

 

[Heiko]

But we are expecting our partner have to be perfect when we not getting this or our expectations going to spoil we come to the part of divorce.
When we speak on call we love each other because we never face each of them so we love and we want him/her in your life. When the actual part come and we are getting to known that his/her habits so we started not accepting them which we get results as divorce.

Expectations lead to bitterness and sadness, because there will be times when your partner fucks up, when he/she gets caught up in life and does not have time to you. That's why you should never marry someone after knowing them for only 3 months.. Because the "honeymoon period" can last up to 3 years and people can hide who they really are for the first 3-6 months. Once the honeymoon period is over, you will see the real person that you are dating. In the early stages of a relationship people tend to look at the positive things in a partner, but as the honeymoon period slowly fades away we tend to only look at the negative things in a partner which causes them/us to withdraw out of the relationship. The key to every relationship is freedom and acceptance that no one is perfect.

 

[Mediawiz]

ou can trust on your parents but not on your relatives.

I didn't rely on or trust relavites since the divorce of my parents. Never see anyone of them. My own chosen friends are my relatives for me.

NO ONE IS PERFECT IN THIS WORLD not even you.

I am definitely not. That's also one of the reasons I want to live alone, it's not just the girlfriend. I was almost always alone true the divorce of my parents so it is difficult for me to live with others.

But we are expecting our partner have to be perfect when we not getting this or our expectations going to spoil we come to the part of divorce.

I am not. But my experience is lots of promises and none action.

 

[Mediawiz]

Yeah I've never been to Portugal, was considering it or Greece - never been there either.

I think you are much better off in Portugal than Greece. Been there when I was younger, good memories but in the Algarve you have much great hotels with pools, cheap and GOOD food and drinks. Weather is very nice (all year long).

The Gyros in Greece is better tho

 

[ttmschine]

I think you are much better off in Portugal than Greece. Been there when I was younger, but in the Algarve you have much great hotels with pools, cheap and GOOD food and drinks. Weather is very nice (all year long).

The Gyros in Greece is better tho

Thanks, I'll have a good look at Portugal then.

 

[Mediawiz]

Thanks, I'll have a good look at Portugal then.

October is end of the season too, quite good deals for that period. Check out Albufeira and Portimao - much hotels with things for kids. And almost no partying youth then

 

[ttmschine]

LoL,maybe I'll take the kids on one holiday, then have another one myself to India - curry and girls - can't go wrong.

October is end of the season too, quite good deals for that period. Check out Albufeira and Portimao - much hotels with things for kids. And almost no partying youth then

Thank you, I'll take a look at them

 

[BHW-News]

Yeah, ok - parts of this thread are getting gross. There's no problem with @ttmschine getting his specific issue off his chest but the comments about women in general (I'm looking at you @Meddie and @ProudPakistani ) need to stop because they're against the rules. @Zwielicht made this point yesterday - if you go through the thread and replace the word "women" with "Indians" or "gays" or "Pakistanis" - you might find it easier to see what the problem is with it.

I'm going to clean this thread up but any "women are terrible" posts are going to be deleted and posters are going to be warned/infracted. I'm very tired of seeing people justify to each other that women are terrible, just because they're not able to take part in a functioning relationship with another adult.

 

[BassTrackerBoats]

I know a little about being married at one time and then not being married due to divorce.

The sooner you lose the bitterness, no matter how much it costs you in terms of emotional distress and money, the better off you and your children will be.

OP - you mentioned your children will be fine because they are teenagers. Hopefully they will be but do not think for 1/2 a second this will not affect them so be sure to address that however you and they interact.

 

[ttmschine]

I know a little about being married at one time and then not being married due to divorce.

The sooner you lose the bitterness, no matter how much it costs you in terms of emotional distress and money, the better off you and your children will be.

OP - you mentioned your children will be fine because they are teenagers. Hopefully they will be but do not think for 1/2 a second this will not affect them so be sure to address that however you and they interact.

Thanks BTB, wise words as always.

I've got the son with me, the daughter wants to spend her time 50/50 between me and her, I'm spending as much time as I can with both of them together, and don't talk about any of it with them, just try to make sure they're happy and talk to them about what they're doing.

Once finances etc are sorted am going to take both kids away for a vacation.

The kids really are the only thing that matters, and yes I do feel bitterness towards her, not because I'm sad we've broken up, but because I feel betrayed and I guess abused by her.

I've realised from the way she's behaved since, that I don't like her as a person.

 

[kumbhak11]

From my observation, Happy Marriage is inversely proportional to "Spread of Feminism".

In countries and regions where feminism has grown leaps and bounds, marriages are becoming a problem as women have got dominating attitudes in order to become equal to men which is causing problems in all areas of life.

In countries and regions where women are NOT forced to act like men to feel empowered, in such areas marriages are still going great.

 

[BHW-News]

From my observation, Happy Marriage is inversely proportional to "Spread of Feminism".

In countries and regions where feminism has grown leaps and bounds, marriages are becoming a problem as women have got dominating attitudes in order to become equal to men which is causing problems in all areas of life.

In countries and regions where women are NOT forced to act like men to feel empowered, in such areas marriages are still going great.

Ok, just to remind everyone of the rules one last time:

In our terms of use rules:

The following are examples of content or activities that are prohibited on the Site, site mods / admin decision is final:

3.7 Engaging in content that harasses, degrades, intimidates or is hateful toward an individual or group of individuals on the basis of religion, gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, age, or disability.


And the lounge rules:

This is a reminder that political and religious discussions, debates, and/or arguments are not allowed in the lounge or anywhere else on the forum. Members starting blatantly inflammatory threads or derailing otherwise coherent discussions will receive infractions or bans without warning.

So no more posts about "all women are like this" (gender discrimination) or posts about the issues with feminism (political discussion).

Can't believe I have to keep explaining this - everyone clear now?

 

[Heiko]

Ok, just to remind everyone of the rules one last time:

In our terms of use rules:

The following are examples of content or activities that are prohibited on the Site, site mods / admin decision is final:

3.7 Engaging in content that harasses, degrades, intimidates or is hateful toward an individual or group of individuals on the basis of religion, gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, age, or disability.


And the lounge rules:



So no more posts about "all women are like this" (gender discrimination) or posts about the issues with feminism (political discussion).

Can't believe I have to keep explaining this - everyone clear now?

I wish i could've seen your face when you saw the post from kumbhak

@ttmschine

The best way to get over a breakup is to talk about it. I am training to become a Lifecoach in these situations so if you need someone to talk to, feel free to hit me up. (for free of course)

 

[mickyfu]

I'll be in Portugal too in October.

 

[plottsch]

Honestly man, I can't even fully imagine how that would be.


My philosophy is..."enjoy a girl for as long as you want--if y'all aren't happy with each other in time, leave her and find someone else."


But my philosophy is also useless because I know nothing about marriage.


All the best, my friend.

 

[ttmschine]

I'll be in Portugal too in October.

We should all meet up and have a big party.

 

[mickyfu]

We should all meet up and have a big party.

I'm going to a conference in Lisbon and will probably be spending two or three weeks in Albufeira. I will definitely be in Portugal most of October.

 

[Zwielicht]

We should all meet up and have a big party.

A sausage party?

 

[Thulf]

I'm sincerely sorry if my observation is a miss here. And also for trying to read the situation, as I know nobody likes to be a matter of discussion like this. So why do I do it, because it helps me understand things around me - I'm addicted to this stuff. It's nothing personal against anybody.


This is what I've gathered thus far:
The relationship never really seemed to have worked flawlessly, "it was hell" all along. It wasn't discussed, it just dragged along until a culminating point was reached.

How it went down, more or less (I could be wrong, of course):
Rather simple actually... I feel like none of the problems or needs were discussed. It seems like you, OP, had it your way almost the entire length of the relationship, with her occasionally trying to have it her way, but which was met with a conflict or a sort of hit to the health of the relationship.

The more she did that, the more paranoid you became, the more aware she became of what's holding her back/what she had been missing from her side of things. Conflicting interests, more or less (again, which were not brought up nor discussed, so they grew ever bigger and more obvious).

I can only imagine how both you and her were feeding this problematic confliction. You, OP, by having prejudices each time things didn't go your way (because by this time you had become used to the way things were, primarlily your way), and her, because she talked about what you 2 didn't talk about with her colleagues, to whom she must've told the twisted truth (because, we are humans, and that's how we tend to express ourselves, by aplifying what troubles us, irrationally at that), who then advised her accordingly to the best of their abilities (but of course basing their suggestions on what she said and how they might have interpreted the situation - this is how she herself has probably convinced herself that you're the bad person, because it's only the reflection of what people to whom she talked to made out of her initial stories and other cues).

At this point, both sides are concinced of the opposite side being the bad one. This too will only grow bigger, no matter how much either side tries to fake it not growing.


That's it from me...
Again, sorry for this... Hopefully you can throw this my observation to the trash can if you did talk about problems deeply every now and then OR when in your culture having a... um... obedient woman or women for a partner was the norm.

I'm no expert. (just an enthusiast?)

And again, no offence. I can't even imagine what the real story is (the objective one) and how much suffering is involved.

 

[ttmschine]

Albufeira was suggested to me above, I'll have a look.