Hey kids n fellow black hatters, I'm not here to make a sob story or some other bull, just a ramble, in a daze, slowly accepting that I am a very slow human being. Over the years I've been browsing through countless forums, looking for a method here and there, seeking somewhat of a quick buck whenever I get desperate for internet funds. I'm 19 now, and I've been doing this since the age of 14, starting with PTC's, making a few pennies here and there, thinking if I saved a few cents I would be fulfilled and could finally afford a pair of Air Jordans or some Ralph Lauren polo hats, for me and my relatives. My main passion or whatever is music, but as I didn't see a lot of money rolling in, as a result (for 5 f'ing years lmao kill me) I would loook up "how to make money online" or "how to sell beats" and such. Sure, very good results for both, but time and time again I would make some music, sell some pieces, for a breif period of time, and after a while when there's not much rolling in, not only would I not search for help more so often with my "pure niche", not only would I spend hours, reading methods, transferring from surveys, to sending automated traffic to sites for a couple cents in PayPal thinking that would be enough to get anything, not only would I, repeatedly, attempt and fail with implementing CPA/PPD/PPI/etc, but at that moment; I realized I went too deep, and I realized, something was very, very troubling. Maybe it was my brain attracted to the term "money", the financial gain, the aroma, with seeing numbers shine in your face after that fresh payment. Maybe when the dwindling period came my way, once again, I thought to myself, "time to search HOW to make some quick money". Either way, this is extremely troubling, like severly troubling, it feels like I found out myself that I have a gambling problem, or maybe this is like a "money hunt" that I go on, every year, for the past 5 years. Remember when I said I made music, me neither. Like wow, am I that out of touch with my "niche" that I don't even take the time to look for something that would help me out the most, since it is my "passion"? This may not mean much but I'm just saying all this, to myself really, to reflect, on the severity, on the loop, that I myself have created. It's really scary. I do not know what the f' to do (just recently looked up ewhoring this weekend, in another get-rich0qucik shceme). I'm not asking you to care, like at all, I am reflecting, on this dangerous, rowdy, impulsive cycle of mine. I'm only posting this to collect all my thoughts in one post. I feel like I know as much about f'ing "methods" as much as the soundcloud community, and beats, and s' about making beats, all equally, all confusing (lol what is life). I bet none of my producer friends know how to use hitleap to promote a short.st link by using Google Plus, Facebook, Twitter with a bit of Instagram, while directing everyone to their landing page, to fill out a email form, to learn how to make bank on making a PTC site. I bet nobody in my crew knows how to ewhore, while using 10 proxies to differentiate the amount of bitches pics to flip for a couple K$ a month. I bet no one else in my hometown of Shietbelt knows how to dropship products, or flip products from their local goodwill to their fucking doctor, but whoop-de-doo, here I am! Pray for a n*gga, because google is such a gift, but also, the gift of sanity, the gift of community, and the gift of knowing, when to f'ing stop.