Forgive the clickbait title. I figured if I was going to introduce myself, I should do something other than the usual "hello my name is".
I want to tell you guys my story--mostly to just get it off my chest (even if it is to internet strangers) and partly to put down in writing my own motivations for joining BHW and my goals for IM. Hopefully this is the right place to post something like this and I'm not breaking any rules by it. You will see that the thread title is relevant, but not necessarily tragic.
With that said, let me start with my background.
I come from a lower class immigrant family, the eldest of two siblings, and technically an immigrant myself--though I grew up in the US. Because we came here with nothing and because we knew no one, our family was tightly knit. Decisions were never made without counseling everyone in the family. In a way, family was all we had. As the eldest sibling I also had a responsibility to be a model for the younger ones, which I embraced. I was a good student in school (for the most part). After graduating high school I attended a not-great university--but on a scholarship so that I managed to make some money while getting my degree (more on this later).
I was involved in scientific research while in college and even managed to get a paper published. I decided to apply for a PhD program to try and follow up on my success, to my surprise I got into a very prestigious school and decided to move across country to pursue my "dream" (or at least what I thought was my dream).
Within the first year it became clear that academia wasn't for me. I was living alone in a one bedroom apartment and felt crippling social isolation. I couldn't interact with the other students. I had no friends. On top of that my coursework and research were abysmal. I was hopelessly outclassed by the other students, constantly stressed out over missed deadlines and failed or incomplete projects. My motivation went down the drain and I started to become seriously depressed. Meanwhile I fed my family lies about my situation because I didn't want them to worry. This is where the title of the thread comes in. I won't elaborate, only say that I bought some pills but decided in the end, to flush them.
Anyway, since then I decide to drop out of the PhD program. I had some money saved up from the time in college so I'm not starting with nothing (at least around 5k for IM stuff). My starting goal is to make enough to cover all my living expenses (which is relatively low for the area only around 1500/month). And after that to make enough to go back home and support my family. My experience in IM is pretty low, but I've been learning a lot from BHW and plan on learning more. It's been a long time since I've felt excited about anything. It's a good feeling.
So that's my story, I know it's not particularly unique. I'm sure many here have much worse experiences and have lived through them and succeeded (in fact I know that's the case from some of the posts I've read while lurking). If you've read this far, thanks for indulging me and hope to see you around the forums!
I want to tell you guys my story--mostly to just get it off my chest (even if it is to internet strangers) and partly to put down in writing my own motivations for joining BHW and my goals for IM. Hopefully this is the right place to post something like this and I'm not breaking any rules by it. You will see that the thread title is relevant, but not necessarily tragic.
With that said, let me start with my background.
I come from a lower class immigrant family, the eldest of two siblings, and technically an immigrant myself--though I grew up in the US. Because we came here with nothing and because we knew no one, our family was tightly knit. Decisions were never made without counseling everyone in the family. In a way, family was all we had. As the eldest sibling I also had a responsibility to be a model for the younger ones, which I embraced. I was a good student in school (for the most part). After graduating high school I attended a not-great university--but on a scholarship so that I managed to make some money while getting my degree (more on this later).
I was involved in scientific research while in college and even managed to get a paper published. I decided to apply for a PhD program to try and follow up on my success, to my surprise I got into a very prestigious school and decided to move across country to pursue my "dream" (or at least what I thought was my dream).
Within the first year it became clear that academia wasn't for me. I was living alone in a one bedroom apartment and felt crippling social isolation. I couldn't interact with the other students. I had no friends. On top of that my coursework and research were abysmal. I was hopelessly outclassed by the other students, constantly stressed out over missed deadlines and failed or incomplete projects. My motivation went down the drain and I started to become seriously depressed. Meanwhile I fed my family lies about my situation because I didn't want them to worry. This is where the title of the thread comes in. I won't elaborate, only say that I bought some pills but decided in the end, to flush them.
Anyway, since then I decide to drop out of the PhD program. I had some money saved up from the time in college so I'm not starting with nothing (at least around 5k for IM stuff). My starting goal is to make enough to cover all my living expenses (which is relatively low for the area only around 1500/month). And after that to make enough to go back home and support my family. My experience in IM is pretty low, but I've been learning a lot from BHW and plan on learning more. It's been a long time since I've felt excited about anything. It's a good feeling.
So that's my story, I know it's not particularly unique. I'm sure many here have much worse experiences and have lived through them and succeeded (in fact I know that's the case from some of the posts I've read while lurking). If you've read this far, thanks for indulging me and hope to see you around the forums!
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