Changing My Life Habits/ Depression Battle

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by Unvirginator, Apr 10, 2018.

  1. Unvirginator

    Unvirginator Regular Member

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    hello everyone, well since i saw similar posts i am doing such a post myself (mostly for me )
    feel free to read/ignore/judge or whatever u want i just want somewhere to write what i will write below
    and besides <3 BHW <3 no other forum came in my mind...

    Well my Name is Ardit 23 years old on 18th of April 24...

    im doing internet marketing since the age of 11
    mostly Facebook Marketing....
    i earned a lot, lost a lot

    But Internet Marketing changed my life.. it showed me a lot regarding life
    i dont like working on my own i always work with partners
    i am very good at finding solutions to problems and how to make things work

    i stare at a lighter/pen/bottle whatever and i find a way to make money from that thing online
    once i make some money i stop
    i don't scale up 'case it's boring for me doing the same and same
    in general i'm the brain behind the "plan" and have other people execute it.

    anyway at the age of 19 i had created my own ad network and had a lot of publishers...
    publishers that started from zero, i like to help people so i wasted 4 months teaching them how to work investing in them over 6 hours daily without any profit

    had around 133 publishers i'm very good at persuading people
    so anyway after their 4 months training was done and an extra 3 months for them to implement what they learned each one of them was making average 50 Euroes per day in a shitty country
    i felt so happy that i helped a lot of people make their life better...
    from my cut i was earning daily myself 500-700 Euroes only from them
    but my mistake sometimes i get to personal... giving away secrets or info that there is no need for them to know, and over trusting people...

    so 1 year passed and then the backstabbings started...
    lies from everyone, hiding revenue, wanting more and more and even more
    and i ended up working for them instead of them working for me xD
    till a bunch of them did some completely fucked up stuff and the whole network was ruined in 12 hours...

    i gathered my psychological strengh that had remained in me and started again on my own after learning from my mistakes

    a fast forward to this day im again doing very good on Facebook have some loyal partners that we work some years together
    no trust issues everyone smart in his own way
    all hard working what i want :)
    Doing fine...


    but i don't feel anymore happy, this whole internet marketing thing had me isolated... i don't remember the last time that i really smiled and not faking it for the sake of a photograph....

    a feeling inside of me has died... happiness...

    i can't have a proper conversation when it comes to calls or face to face talking
    when it comes in texting i am an Einstein xD

    i lost a lot of good friends cause of my isolation, i feel enraged at everything
    and sometimes looking to pick a fight just to blow the steam (gym wont work)


    the rare times i hang out with my friends and someone makes a joke im like you know that asshole that will claim this is not a joke because scientifically this, logically that
    and then you will comment at me that i must be fun at parties xD


    i used to be the spirit of the party now i feel like i am an 80 years old man in the body of a 23 years old guy....


    how i became like this ?
    I don't want to be like this...
    i would give everything to be a waiter with a pathetic salary and no tips (here in Greece that job is pathetic)

    that i could not wait to finish my shift and then go out with my friends enjoy my time while i order only a coca cola because i could not afford anything else...

    Im serious i would give everything for that to feel hapiness again

    im in a state of always overthinking shit, and then overthinking the solutions that came up with overthinking xD

    i tried going to a psychologist but here in Greece they don't really care they do it for the money,
    i can't even maintain a proper relationship with a girl for over 3 months so now all i do is make things clear from the beggining that the relationship will be only a for fun stuff open relationship nothing serious cause i dont want she to catch any feelings and me disappointing her


    cause of my shitty no happiness stuff i care more to please others instead of myself...
    i also have some depression issues, and don't want to end up loosing the battle like some role models of me have lost

    so ill work even harder now to earn some more money and after summer move maybe to UK
    a new life.. where i know no one, and no one knows me open a bussiness there and quit from the internet marketing stuff....
    Im doing good in IM but for me it's like heroin you feel good but it slowly is killing you

    im not very active when it comes to posting threads on this forum but i do read plenty of your threads guys/girls

    don't focus only on money enjoy all the moments that make you feel happy guys
    and don't say better cry in a Mercedes than crying on the Streets...

    I used to think that too but nah, if it comes to crying you would give no fuck if you are in a Mercedes or on the streets

    now some seniors may judge me that im talking nonsense and im still too young, i like to educate myself a lot always see things from other's perspective too, always like talking to old wise men that have more experience in life
    i already regretted those few years i am feeling that way and better change now than later that my best years will be gone

    I have so much more to say but this thread is already too big xD
    I hope i posted this in the right section xD

    PS:
    Facebook is doing great just maintain quality and always research new stuff and you will succeed Facebook recent changes have nothing to do with me leaving IM
     
  2. Apounéré

    Apounéré Regular Member

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    1- "they say money doesn't buy happiness but I'd rather cry in that Lamborghini"

    2- Never put too much trust on friends or business partners

    3- You feel so sad and desperate because you probably don't have valuable plans for your life

    Like you mentioned on your thread, start a new life by moving out of your current country if you have enough money.
    Meet some new people. go to clubs or bars you'll find a bunch there and try to have some fun.

    You probably have some characteristics you love on women, right?
    If so try to find that type of girl and get a date with her. If you already a crush on a particular girl living maybe on the other part of the world then Keep working hard so that one day you'll be able to meet her.

    I'm actually broke as shit and I don't really have friends (I'm an Introvert) I keep learning and working so that at the end I can get rich or at least have enough money to invest on more things that can bring me more revenue. And I don't do this just for my own, I want to have a family (wife, kids) and want to see them grow up being happy and not lacking of things like me when I was young And this motivates me to work harder to reach my goals
     
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  3. Unvirginator

    Unvirginator Regular Member

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    thank you for your replay

    hmm i have some plans for my life they are what keep me working and not totally get "consumed"

    really looking forward to leave im pretty sure i will feel better
    'cause with the people i know here the more time i pass with them the harder it gets cause of me leaving later and i dont want to get attached to them

    and yea i learned about the trust issue the hard way never repeating same mistakes :D

    actually there was or still is a girl i've been chasing for 8 years lol i tried hard but nah all she sees me is as friend i know to never give up but i dont want to waste my whole life waiting for her xD

    really your replay helped me feel better thank you pal wish you to achieve your goals !
     
  4. BuildMoreLinks

    BuildMoreLinks Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    all you need is a break, maybe a vacation. I have been doing this for 8 years now and have the same feelings as you are going through.
     
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  5. Unvirginator

    Unvirginator Regular Member

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    yea maybe i really need that and to get my mind off IM for a while i go out and after 30 mins i get bored and want to go back to my computer xD
    i am living in a wonderfull island and not enjoying my time
    https://www.ferriesingreece.com/photos/destinations/rethymno-ferries-1440.jpg
     
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  6. Gereral_Zod

    Gereral_Zod Registered Member

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    It good to vent every now and then, but be careful where exactly you vent sometimes as some folks may have little empathy for what your currently going through.

    I left the UK five years ago, I now earn 1/10th of what I used to earn in London and I've never been more happier and healthier. So I'm surprised you mentioned moving the UK as a possible solution. What's does the UK offer, that Greece can't? I don't understand it!

    By the way, I thought Greek waiters had a great life. I mean, all those pretty single girls that come to the island to party, in their droves, year after year!

    Have a beer, lower expectations and enjoy the simple things in life.
     
  7. Unvirginator

    Unvirginator Regular Member

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    Actually im from Albania but live in Greece
    No greek waiter job used to be awesome before the economical crysis that is going through that country so its not anymore a good job and salary is not that good

    I live in Crete Greece's biggest Greek island
    Ive bern to Santorini too (if u want a good peacefull family vacation go there)

    Ive been to mykonos too (if you want wild parties and hot chicks and famous people go there )
    Crete is something btw those 2 islands wild parties and peacefull place
    Definately one of the most beautiful countries
    But i grew up here and kinda feel bored
    Also its the people greeks mostly talk about alcohol,parties you know the lazy greek life that EU invested so much money in them xD
    But if i stay always with them i will end up lazy like them and i dont like to live that way
    UK is in my list because there are prople from so many cultures something you dont find in Greece
    United States was in my list too but too much hate is going through that country and i dont want being sourounded with people carrying guns even if they are responsible
     
  8. Buzzika

    Buzzika Supreme Member

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    OP, get professional help. Goto a shrink.

    Singnup for Jordan Peterson's self authoring program. It will ask you a series of questions about you past/present/future.

    Writinf things down, introspection is a great tool to get out of an existential crises.

    The program is $20-30 and well worth it.
     
  9. Unvirginator

    Unvirginator Regular Member

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    Thank you #Buzzika
    Will take a look at it

    And thank you everyone with your friendly pms and suggestions you definately boosted my willpower guys so glad to recirve support from a forum that i love you Rock guys :')
     
  10. jazzc

    jazzc Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP

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    And what is it that's stopping you? Surely not the lack of openings in the shitty waiter job market.

    That's exactly the kind of doctor you want. One that cares for your money. Find the most expensive one and go there. Think about it.

    We've all been young, we've all taken shitty decisions, just remember that it all goes away and you blossom. Your idea to travel is a good one. There are co-working cruises, retreats etc. that something like 20 people form a group and the travel the word by staying 1 month in each city. Go sign up, it will be great.
     
  11. Veronique89

    Veronique89 BANNED BANNED

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    Looks like you're bit too good for this world and that's exhausting you. My opinion is that most people will try to take advantage of that (on- or offline - that doesn't matter). Fact is they will not change. Only you can change your thoughts about it. Honestly I would just say to fuck everybody and work your ass off only for yourself. I think it's better to have less cash and stress then working with assholes and bad-hearted people all the time.

    Why would you want to go to the UK? Life is way more expensive then in Greece and everybody's stressed. I don't think changing your resident country will fix these issues.

    I must say I understand you're feeling 80 in a body of 23. I also have this feeling after losing my 20.000 salary a month, had a court case (fraud), jail sentence and a lifetime debt of 480.000 euros. Came to the Balkans to escape this shit, but apparently due to EU regulations they can collect your debts everywhere (so I got even more depressed). So in case you feel bad think about me and realise it can be even worse :). Though if you keep this depressed feelings for more than 6 months you can try some light antidepressant (just temporary) as I agree with you that psychologists only want to rip you off.

    Don't know if this reply helped you in any way. Just trying to give you some positive vibes and just know you're not the only one experiencing these thoughts.
     
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  12. Unvirginator

    Unvirginator Regular Member

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    Tnx for your replay :)
    I know life is more expensive in UK but money is no problem in my case i can afford it
    from a kid i dreamed going to a big city with a lot of people, different cultures USA came in my mind but with the current events going on that country it wont help me
    i have some good friends that live in UK that i still haven't fcked up our relationship and thats why i want to go there

    i know i know why would you give up the paradise (island sunny life ) to go live in a big city it sounds weird but that's what i wanted sicne i was a child
    here in Greece also life is boring
    same routine
    Wake up >get dressed>buy cigarettes>go to a cafe with some other people> order Frappe>blame the goverment for everything> stay at that cafe from 9 in the morning till 2 pm> leave cafe> eat Souvlaki> go to another cafe> blame goverment again>leave that caffe> go to a pub/club open a bottle of alcohol :p

    seriously how i described it abouve that is the usually Greek Life and i dont want that i want to be surrounded with people from different coltures that each one is unique in his/her own way that have amazing ideas and topics to talk about :)

    if i dont like UK i can always come back here :)

    what you are going through is indeed bad...
    i never had myself problems with court but i can't stand the though owning a debt of 480k Euroes :/
    Hope you get through that :)

    your replay helped me appreciate it :)
     
  13. Unvirginator

    Unvirginator Regular Member

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    Thanks a lot #Jazzc
    haha yea your right nothing is stopping me just me overthinking stuff

    i've seen you replay to similar threads your replies sound "harsh" but thats how they need to be
    a slap in the face to Man Up and not b*tch about stuff when we can do better
    Tnx
     
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  14. DanielAmmering

    DanielAmmering Newbie Premium Member

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    Take a long break from whatever you are doing and enjoy your passive income! You are in the position I would dream of, and I think most of us would as well.

    Ask for medical help if you need it.

    Listen to the TED talk by Andrew Solomon on Depression. It might resonate a bit, I hope it will be far away from what you are feeling right now.
     
  15. tglr

    tglr Power Member

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    Buy Jordan Peterson's book, smoke some weed and go backpacking.
     
  16. Setox

    Setox Power Member

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    MALTA MAYBE ..
    it's exactly what happens when you are getting your happiness & self-confidence from your outsider, the secret & everything you need is in you bro !
    Stop thinking like " if i could only get this i could be happy" , there is no difference between someone want to get a lamborghini to be happy & another one who wish to get a shitty job thinking he could be happier, happiness is not this . there are a lot to say so anyways, i wish you luck with your projects.
     
  17. redarrow

    redarrow Elite Member

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    dont fight it get help speak to a doctor first sort out your undelining problams.

    might need medication (( dont ignore it))

    exercise and good food and no negative ppl around you will help

    good luck.

    ps.
    ever fill to low then use a mental helth charty or hospital pro's to talk to.


    i just read everthink , maybe it time to have a job outside of your home to get back into socailising and mixing with others .


    god bless
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2018
  18. Universe0

    Universe0 Regular Member

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    I used to have a big depression problem and the things hat help me was exercing, proper diet, meditation, magnesium and vitamin d supplements.
     
  19. DanielAmmering

    DanielAmmering Newbie Premium Member

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    Magic mushrooms seems to be a possible treatment, according to a Nature journal (can't post link yet)
    "The post-treatment brain changes are different to previously observed acute effects of psilocybin and other ‘psychedelics’ yet were related to clinical outcomes. A ‘reset’ therapeutic mechanism is proposed."
     
  20. Unvirginator

    Unvirginator Regular Member

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    i've tried M Mushrooms, weed too..
    the thing with that stuff is that if you have good thoughts you will have a great trip full of happiness and joy
    but if you have dark thoughts you will live a nightmare

    and i always end up having a bad trip no matter how good the company is, no matter the environment my dark thoughts always win

    but i do it sometimes now and then
    to go to that scary place
    and then when effect starts to end im just at the usuall dark place not scary place

    hmm how to explain that ?
    its like your arm hurts you and you cut it to feel more pain then the wound from the cut will heal but you will feel relieved 'case you feel less pain xD

    but music helps me get less stressed that's why i listen all day all night to music <3 Deep House <3