I did something REALLY stupid...

GrotesqueGoddess

GrotesqueGoddess

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First off, there have been a lot of relationship threads here lately... and the sheer number of them are getting annoying, honestly. I do post to them with the most heartfelt advice I can muster.

I can't believe I am making one of my own now. I just don't know where else to turn. I guess I am a bit of a hypocrite.

I won't go into too many details but my boyfriend broke up with me and I don't know what to do. He thinks I am secretly seeing my best friend (who is a guy... and a million miles away). I'm obviously NOT, but I admit we do say flirty things to each other. My boyfriend has always known this, as I disclosed that early on. Before you all say it... I know it's a bad fucking idea. I shouldn't have even continued talking to my best friend, but I did... and I was always open about it with my boyfriend. I thought being open about everything was enough.

I admit I said some things jokingly to my friend which crossed the line. At the time I didn't think anything of it, but now I regret it more than I can say. I've always had male friends, not female, so my interactions with men have always been a bit odd. I never hid anything on purpose... but my boyfriend seems to think I "verbally" cheated on him. I know why he would think that, but in all honesty, the things I said to my best friend were just in fun. I am such a fool. I ruined the trust... I broke his heart... I don't know what to do. Guys, please help me. What can I do? I am so lost without him. He's making me make a choice on who to be with... him or my best friend but I am not with my best friend so I can't answer that! I keep telling him that and he just won't believe me. Even if he does take me back, the trust is gone and no matter what I do, he'll always think I cheated.

I feel so gutted.
 
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GrotesqueGoddess said:
First off, there have been a lot of relationship threads here lately... and the sheer number of them are getting annoying, honestly. I do post to them with the most heartfelt advice I can muster.

I can't believe I am making one of my own now. I just don't know where else to turn. I guess I am a bit of a hypocrite.

I won't go into too many details but my boyfriend broke up with me and I don't know what to do. He thinks I am secretly seeing my best friend (who is a guy... and a million miles away). I'm obviously NOT, but I admit we do say flirty things to each other. My boyfriend has always known this, as I disclosed that early on. Before you all say it... I know it's a bad fucking idea. I shouldn't have even continued talking to my best friend, but I did... and I was always open about it with my boyfriend. I thought being open about everything was enough.

I admit I said some things jokingly to my friend which crossed the line. At the time I didn't think anything of it, but now I regret it more than I can say. I've always had male friends, not female, so my interactions with men have always been a bit odd. I never hid anything on purpose... but my boyfriend seems to think I "verbally" cheated on him. I know why he would think that, but in all honesty, the things I said to my best friend were just in fun. I am such a fool. I ruined the trust... I broke his heart... I don't know what to do. Guys, please help me. What can I do? I am so lost without him. He's making me make a choice on who to be with... him or my best friend but I am not with my best friend so I can't answer that! I keep telling him that and he just won't believe me. Even if he does take me back, the trust is gone and no matter what I do, he'll always think I cheated.

I feel so gutted.
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Your boyfriend is a Valwardon , right?
 
"Even if he does take me back, the trust is gone and no matter what I do, he'll always think I cheated."

I think you already answered your question.
 
I have one great piece of advice for you. This is advice that I give out all of the time to women and that is give me your telephone number and I'll tell you everything you need to know to get over a broken heart. I will personally hold your hand throughout the entire process and you can cry on my shoulder any time you feel like it. LOL

On the serious side, sounds like he's already made up his mind. It might be time for you to move on but if you really like him that much then don't give up. Maybe he'll come around some day.
 
when he asked which one you choose him or your friend , what did you say :D or you just did not say anything. First i would tell him , that ofc him . He will understand you did not cheat on him or anything hes just jealous. But saying , him or friend " I can't answer that"

if you don't say anything to him it might look to him that you are more likely into your friend and don't want tell him or so ...

im no therapeutic tho :P who knows
 
If the other guy is a million miles away how does he suspect you cheated lol.

Cyber sex over the internet? Scandalous.
 
antsaoo said:
when he asked which one you choose him or your friend , what did you say :D or you just did not say anything. First i would tell him , that ofc him . He will understand you did not cheat on him or anything hes just jealous. But saying , him or friend " I can't answer that"

if you don't say anything to him it might look to him that you are more likely into your friend and don't want tell him or so ...

im no therapeutic tho :P who knows
Click to expand...

I told him there is no choice to make because I am not with my friend. He doesn't seem to believe me.
 
If that is your picture, I am sure you will find someone new quickly. You have a tough decision to make and if you truly love your BF then I guess it is bye to your BFF.

If you rather have the friend, you know what to do.
 
It sounds to me like your bf is overeacting. I mean did he catch you and the best friend having phone sex? If not, and it really was just flirtiness, then it seems to me your bf has some serious insecurity issues. If he knew that you and the best friend were close then it was up to him to accept that from the start. I've been in the same situation where I've been really close to a female other than my gf and I made it clear from the start. Did you maybe not clarify enough with the bf where your relationship stood with the friend?

Either way, hope it works out for you
 
redtide1969 said:
It sounds to me like your bf is overeacting. I mean did he catch you and the best friend having phone sex? If not, and it really was just flirtiness, then it seems to me your bf has some serious insecurity issues. If he knew that you and the best friend were close then it was up to him to accept that from the start. I've been in the same situation where I've been really close to a female other than my gf and I made it clear from the start. Did you maybe not clarify enough with the bf where your relationship stood with the friend?

Either way, hope it works out for you
Click to expand...

LoL My best friend and I have never had phone sex. He actually saw some status messages that I had put up... most of which were for my boyfriend... but a couple flirty ones for my best friend. He thinks they were all for my best friend... but enough about that. Yeah, well, I should have been more clear somehow... but actually... I shouldn't have acted the way I did... as innocent as it was.
 
If what you said/did with your best friend is nothing new, then it's your BFs fault for causing the drama. If he had a problem with it in the begining, he should have called you on it then. Sounds like he might be looking for a way out and trying to just put the blame on you to make it easier. I've never been the jelous type so I can't really relate to how you BF might be feeling over your relationship with you best friend though.
 
i think its funny how ppl do this on bhw because the majority is merciless
 
I know your boy-friend he is a good guy and you did not tell the whole story. Why not tell people how you told this other guy you wanted to make love to him?? Why I think that goes beyond flirting yes?
 
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