You Can't Help Someone Who Doesn't Want To Help Themselves

This is true. No matter how much you want to help them, it's just a waste of time if they don't want to help themselves.

I'm going to tell you a story about my two friends. We are going to call them John and Mike.

What is this all about?

Well, let me tell you a couple of words about them.

John is 29 years old, and he is working as a bartender. That's what he is doing for a living. His family is a let's say middle-class family, but not a wealthy middle class. Middle middle-class. It wasn't easy for him, and now he decided to change that. It's time to do something so he can live nice for the rest of his life. He said he would like to try to learn web development. I said okay, I am going to help you since I am a Front-End Developer.

So we came up with the plan, I sent him a YouTube playlist and said to him to watch those 50 videos, to work whatever they are doing at the video (exercises), and after that, he will start working on the projects. Only HTML/CSS and little JavaScript. He did that, he finished the videos, and it's time for the first test website. I found a free PSD. I sent it to him with some instructions on what I want to see there like animations/transitions etc.

For the first website, he did it very well, and I was proud of him. After that, I sent him three designs that my GF made and one from freepik. He's now finishing the fifth website, and after that, I will introduce him a WordPress. He's working/learning for 3 months now, and he made 4 HTML websites, working on fifth. The plan is to work/practice WordPress for 3-6 months more and find a job for him.

Nice and inspiring story.

But Mike is another story...

Mike is 31 years old, has a wife and a eight years old daughter. He is coming from a wealthy family. They are a rich, middle-class family. His father owns a business, and his mother was always on a right positions at the company she's been working.

He didn't care too much about money, because his parents had money. Now when he is a fully grown-up man, he needs to earn and provide for his family. Also, he is a bartender. He got fired, and he will be getting money from the state for the next 6 months. That's the period he needs to find another job. He bought a new pc, because he wanted to start streaming. Mike is a huge fan of games. But he didn't start yet. Even it's been a month since he got fired. So I said to him, hey Mike, I helped John start learning I can help you if you want. He agreed. I sent him everything he needs to start and nothing.

Whenever I ask, - are you learning? He would ignore me, or say, I will start tomorrow, I was busy. He always had some excuse. So I said to myself, I will try one more time to help this man.

I sent him a message that I am free tomorrow so he can come to my place and I will show him everything, so he can see if that's for him or not. One more time, he agreed and said he would be at my place around 10-11 AM. Great. Tomorrow at 9 AM I sent him a message "let me know when you will arrive so I can know," and he didn't even leave "seen" on that message.

Mike ignored me one more time. This would be fine if he were just one more friend, but we are almost family friends. I guess this is Mike's way to handle situations where he cannot be a man of word. He will ignore and pretend it never happened.

SUMMARY

So as you can see from this story, you cannot help someone if they don't want to help themselves. John wants a new and better life, and he's kicking his ass off to accomplish that. Mike wants that too, but he's playing games or sleeping and doing nothing else to get all that.

Help me, please!

That was a nice read

Always try. A friend who never wanted to help himself, and we always helped him out, died 10 days ago. Trust me, it feels like shit.

Damn right.

Can you send us the videos mentioned in the first example too

When I need help I play this, and help always arrives by the magical hand of the unknown within 24 hours.

Maybe Mike has other things going on his life. Rather than be a self righteous prick helping people isn't about you

A person often needs to feel pain/discomfort to actually help themself.

So at the end of the month when you get your wage and get told, here's an extra months wage as we are making you redundant etc.

People easily get into their comfort zone, live with parents, get meals cooked, clothes washed and ironed, all utilities paid for and live that nice lifestyle. Sadly it's not reality. I was in the military at 17 and had mates 2 years older than me living with parents, tossing it off at college.

This thread is gradually transiting into something related to the Matrix.

HustleTong said:

Help me, please!

That was a nice read

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What's the problem?

UninvitedSoul said:

Always try. A friend who never wanted to help himself, and we always helped him out, died 10 days ago. Trust me, it feels like shit.

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I am sorry for your loss... I want but I can't if you keep ignoring me.

t2van said:

Maybe Mike has other things going on his life. Rather than be a self righteous prick helping people isn't about you

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Mike doesn't have other things going on in his life. He got fired because he wanted that. That was the way to trick the state to start getting money in the next period until he finds a new job.

Btw John was a drug addict 2 years ago, so...

MisterF said:

A person often needs to feel pain/discomfort to actually help themself.

So at the end of the month when you get your wage and get told, here's an extra months wage as we are making you redundant etc.

People easily get into their comfort zone, live with parents, get meals cooked, clothes washed and ironed, all utilities paid for and live that nice lifestyle. Sadly it's not reality. I was in the military at 17 and had mates 2 years older than me living with parents, tossing it off at college.

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That's true! He is not going to understand that until he gets hit by life, but I think that's not going to happen while his parents are still alive. His main goal was to buy a new PC so he can start streaming and now nothing... He doesn't have any other goals in life, and that's the issue I think.

Yzetien said:

Can you send us the videos mentioned in the first example too

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Sure I can, I will make a new thread later on today and will post a link here so everyone can start learning if they want Also, I will share those designs.

I totally agree. One can guide another person on how to achieve "abc" or "xyz", give them a concrete full roadmap along with the wonderful rewards that would follow. But, the real desire to move and take action (burning desire) must be ignited from within that person.

thegoldeneye said:

Mike doesn't have other things going on in his life. He got fired because he wanted that. That was the way to trick the state to start getting money in the next period until he finds a new job.

Btw John was a drug addict 2 years ago, so...

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Thought you said he was married with an 8 year old? Id say he has other things going on in his life. His wife could be making enough where he doesn't have to work. You don't know. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

As I said helping people isn't about you.

Don't see what John has to be a drug addict has anything to do with it. Unless now your saying you helped him get over that as well.

If you want to post a motivating post feel free but dont bullshit.

I'll wait for the next "twist" of the tale as to why John is great and Mike is shit...

t2van said:

Thought you said he was married with an 8 year old? Id say he has other things going on in his life. His wife could be making enough where he doesn't have to work. You don't know. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

As I said helping people isn't about you.

Don't see what John has to be a drug addict has anything to do with it. Unless now your saying you helped him get over that as well.

If you want to post a motivating post feel free but dont bullshit.

I'll wait for the next "twist" of the tale as to why John is great and Mike is shit...

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Maybe I didn't say in the correct way, he IS MARRIED and he has a daughter that is 8 years old now.

Also, I didn't say it's about me, it's about them and helping them to achieve something in life. I didn't say anything rude here to you so watch your language and attitude. Or you recognized yourself in Mike?

It has a lot with John being a drug addict, he hit the bottom in his life and he is aware of that. He was in a lot worse position than Mike, so, please...

Also, this is not a motivational story, you have that on YouTube.

Keep waiting.

thegoldeneye said:

Maybe I didn't say in the correct way, he IS MARRIED and he has a daughter that is 8 years old now.

Also, I didn't say it's about me, it's about them and helping them to achieve something in life. I didn't say anything rude here to you so watch your language and attitude. Or you recognized yourself in Mike?

It has a lot with John being a drug addict, he hit the bottom in his life and he is aware of that. He was in a lot worse position than Mike, so, please...

Also, this is not a motivational story, you have that on YouTube.

Keep waiting.

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No man I don't recognise myself in Mike. It's not about that. I just find you saying that someone who is married with a kid has nothing else going on or can't be arsed to be a bit of a prick. Your making assumptions about someone without knowing what's going on behind closed doors.

Maybe the reason Mike works nights is so he can look after his kid during the day take her to and from school so his wife earns the bigger wage. See I can make up my own assumptions.

Not only that but it came over (to me anyway) that John is doing great because you helped him and mike is doing shit because he won't accept your help.

Then the story adapts based on my replies.

No where in the opening post did you mention he was a drug addict - twice you mentioned it I don't see what it has to do with anything.

Yeah I assume Mike was married because you said he has a wife and an 8 year old. NOW your telling me this happened before he had a kid..

Which way around is it?

If you have to lie at least get your story straight.

Sounds like the OP is about helping someone make money, but people who are depressed just want to feel better. Money often isn't even part of the problem, even though it's of course something they need.

t2van said:

No man I don't recognise myself in Mike. It's not about that. I just find you saying that someone who is married with a kid has nothing else going on or can't be arsed to be a bit of a prick. Your making assumptions about someone without knowing what's going on behind closed doors.

Maybe the reason Mike works nights is so he can look after his kid during the day take her to and from school so his wife earns the bigger wage. See I can make up my own assumptions.

Not only that but it came over (to me anyway) that John is doing great because you helped him and mike is doing shit because he won't accept your help.

Then the story adapts based on my replies.

No where in the opening post did you mention he was a drug addict - twice you mentioned it I don't see what it has to do with anything.

Yeah I assume Mike was married because you said he has a wife and an 8 year old. NOW your telling me this happened before he had a kid..

Which way around is it?

If you have to lie at least get your story straight.

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I really don't get you.

First of all, I forgot to mention in the post that John was a drug addict, and I only bring up that here because you called me a prick. Now it's like I am making up all of these? I guess my English is not good, or you are the one who didn't understand me very well.

"NOW your telling me this happened before he had a kid.." what happened before he had a kid?

thegoldeneye said:

I really don't get you.

First of all, I forgot to mention in the post that John was a drug addict, and I only bring up that here because you called me a prick. Now it's like I am making up all of these? I guess my English is not good, or you are the one who didn't understand me very well.

"NOW your telling me this happened before he had a kid.." what happened before he had a kid?

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But Mike is another story...

Mike is 31 years old, has a wife and a eight years old daughter. He is coming from a wealthy family. They are a rich, middle-class family. His father owns a business, and his mother was always on a right positions at the company she's been working.

Maybe I didn't say in the correct way, he IS MARRIED and he has a daughter that is 8 years old now.

Implies your story took place before his kid was 8 despite you posting as such in the first place.

Yeah I did call you a prick because that's how your story came over to me.

One guy comes from nothing. One guy comes from money. I helped both. Only one wanted my help. Other was a waste of my time.

As I said helping someone isn't about you or your time.

IF helping has to be about you your doing it all wrong. Understand English might not be your first language that's fine I got no problem with that. Just your story.

thegoldeneye said:

I really don't get you.

First of all, I forgot to mention in the post that John was a drug addict, and I only bring up that here because you called me a prick. Now it's like I am making up all of these? I guess my English is not good, or you are the one who didn't understand me very well.

"NOW your telling me this happened before he had a kid.." what happened before he had a kid?

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I agree. He's not making any sense.

t2van said:

But Mike is another story...

Mike is 31 years old, has a wife and a eight years old daughter. He is coming from a wealthy family. They are a rich, middle-class family. His father owns a business, and his mother was always on a right positions at the company she's been working.

Maybe I didn't say in the correct way, he IS MARRIED and he has a daughter that is 8 years old now.

Implies your story took place before his kid was 8 despite you posting as such in the first place.

Yeah I did call you a prick because that's how your story came over to me.

One guy comes from nothing. One guy comes from money. I helped both. Only one wanted my help. Other was a waste of my time.

As I said helping someone isn't about you or your time.

IF helping has to be about you your doing it all wrong. Understand English might not be your first language that's fine I got no problem with that. Just your story.

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I think I said correctly, others did understand what I said. It's not a waste of my time, they are both my friends and if Mike comes to me and say sorry I was busy I still want to learn I would help him again. I want to help dude. How don't you get that?

ScreamingMidget said:

I agree. He's not making any sense.

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He or me? Sorry, this guy really confused me.

thegoldeneye said:

I think I said correctly, others did understand what I said. It's not a waste of my time, they are both my friends and if Mike comes to me and say sorry I was busy I still want to learn I would help him again. I want to help dude. How don't you get that?



He or me? Sorry, this guy really confused me.

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Him, not you.