This is why I don't get drunk

Let me preface this story by saying I've only ever been this drunk one other time in my life. I don't get drunk. I barely drink alcohol. But yesterday I really, really needed a drink.

2 years ago I found out my best friend got fired from her job for having an inappropriate relationship with a 15 year old boy. We've been best friends since we were 10 years old. For the past 2 years I have held out hope that by inappropriate relationship, they meant something other than having sex with the boy.

I ignored all of the evidence: text messages, witness testimonials, FB posts. I just didn't want to believe that any of this was true. She was being investigated by the police and the federal government, and I still just wanted it to be nothing but a mistake.

She was like my sister.

Last week I talked to her (ex) husband and he told me it was all true. He got custody of the kids in the divorce because of the nature of her offense.

Last night I finally lost it.

I was screaming, crying, throwing shit. I completely trashed my room. Then I went out and bought 12 cinnamon rolls and 4 AriZona canned drinks. That's my comfort food. I wandered around for 4 hours after that in 105 degree heat. Just aimless wandering. I kind of just checked out completely. I wound up by the STL airport in Terminal 1.

I came home, cracked open a can of AriZona and pulled out half a bottle of sake. My plan was just to get drunk enough to get a good buzz going so I could just calm down. I was tired from all the crying, heat and stress. I just wanted to go to sleep.

You may have noticed I was online complaining that I was out of sake. I drank it all. Sake tastes great by itself, and when it's mixed with other stuff it's easier for me to handle. Usually I will have like a shot in 20oz of some kind of sugary drink. But I finished off the entire bottle.

I woke up completely covered in cinnamon rolls.

They were stuck to me like glue. Pieces of it was all over my bed and my back. Some of it was in my hair. A piece of one was stuck to my butt. Icing was all over my stomach and under one of my arms. I had cinnamon filling between my toes. I guess I opened a bunch of them (they were store brand) and I was half eating them or something. I have no idea. I just know I was itchy and sticky as fuck.

You know what woke me up?

My cat. She was licking/eating the cinnamon filling between my toes.

I fell out of bed like a complete drunk - face first. I started calling for help. After getting appropriately chastised (seriously, that was incredibly irresponsible of me) my family helped me clean up. Everything on my bed was ruined. We just threw it all out. I was naked, so my clothes were spared, but now I have buy all new bed clothes (pillows included) and take the cat to the vet. Cinnamon is toxic to animals and I have to make sure she didn't ingest an obscene amount of it. It could kill her.

This espresso I'm drinking is helping a lot. So is the 1200mg of ibuprofen I took. But I've still got a bit of a hangover. I'm sitting here waiting for the vet to open up so we can take in the cat.

Now I can add this to the list of reasons why I don't drink.

You are now free to troll me.

Pics or ...

Wow, that's not something you hear everyday on BHW.

OP, I drink too, but I think what matters is the ability to stop when you know you've had enough. Because of this, I stay away from "comfort drinking" because that's when you're doing it with a motivation to ease emotional pain.

If you drink to ease pain, it's MUCH easier to go overboard and have perfectly normal and controlled circumstances turn into circumstances like yours, and I think that's the only "irresponsible" action that you took.

Drinking, in itself, isn't irresponsible and you shouldn't view it as such. You made a mistake and you learned from it, just like all of us. My advice would be to only drink for recreation, and not to use it to dull pain.

Last night I finally lost it.

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Because?

I've only been properly wasted a couple of times in my life. It's not a nice look on anyone. I've never been so drunk I ended up at an airport or poisoned a cat or anything. It sounds like a great plot for a movie though.

Drinking is a bad habit..

Sure Wilson. Next time I get stupid drunk and wake up covered in food, I'll take a pic of my hideous, lumpy body and post it here just to make sure you believe me. Or better yet, I'll film it and post it on YT.

And there's Ste, predictably selfish and making the conversation about him, as usual.

I actually wasn't drunk at the airport Conor. I was just zoned out. I got drunk when I got home.

And LJ adds absolutely dick all to the convo. At least he's consistant.

That's it? That's all you guys have got?

Weak. WEAK.

Hey trust me babe we've all been there. I've woken up in situations that still make me cringe so hard i could pull a tractor with my clenched buttcheeks. Sorry about your friend <3

pewep said:

Hey trust me babe we've all been there. I've woken up in situations that still make me cringe so hard i could pull a tractor with my clenched buttcheeks. Sorry about your friend <3

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Why the hell did I divorce you again? <3

alwaysinvisible said:

And LJ adds absolutely dick all to the convo. At least he's consistant.
.

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It's because I Love You and i get nervous when you're around

I drink only when I want to enhance my happiness, but never to ease the pain.

Cinnamon rolls sound pretty good right now.

Your 25 years old friend is fucking a 15 year old boy?

Look on the bright side. For what it's worth, I can vaguely remember being a 15 year old boy well enough to know I would've been fairly proud of myself, having landed a 25 year old.

The most disturbing part of this story is all the cinnamon rolls and sugary drinks, though I found the imagery to be absolutely hilarious.

Find yourself a local paleo support group and get yourself some help.

Sombrero said:

Your 25 years old friend is fucking a 15 year old boy?

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You need to get your eyes checked.

Where did I say she was 25? We're both 33. He was more than half her age.

He actually was proud of himself. It was his mother that pressed charges.

Cinnamon rolls are awesome. They are my favorite comfort food. If I hadn't overdosed on them I'd probably be eating them right now. I think there are a couple left that haven't been opened or ruined. I'll save those for later.

Paleo support group? Dude, I'm not an addict or a caveman, despite the way my legs looks.

Out of curiosity, is your friend an ephebophile or was this a demisexual situation where she was only attracted to that specific 15 year old boy?

so.....what ever happened to the cinnamon rolls? You still got them??

I'll buy them from you if you still got them. I'm sure they would satisfy someone's fantasy.

Your story doesn't make any sense bro, I'm gonna get faded today and use Facebook and BHW the I will regret it tomorrow oh yeah I'm at the bathroom doing poop

I still don't understand how you getting wasted has anything to do with your friend having sex with a 15 year old boy?

Other than that, regarding alcohol, that's precisely why I smoke weed - it doesn't get you fucked up, you can still control yourself and you can escape reality whenever it's too tough. No hangovers as well. Oh and it doesn't put your liver into oblivion.