Let me preface this story by saying I've only ever been this drunk one other time in my life. I don't get drunk. I barely drink alcohol. But yesterday I really, really needed a drink. 2 years ago I found out my best friend got fired from her job for having an inappropriate relationship with a 15 year old boy. We've been best friends since we were 10 years old. For the past 2 years I have held out hope that by inappropriate relationship, they meant something other than having sex with the boy. I ignored all of the evidence: text messages, witness testimonials, FB posts. I just didn't want to believe that any of this was true. She was being investigated by the police and the federal government, and I still just wanted it to be nothing but a mistake. She was like my sister. Last week I talked to her (ex) husband and he told me it was all true. He got custody of the kids in the divorce because of the nature of her offense. Last night I finally lost it. I was screaming, crying, throwing shit. I completely trashed my room. Then I went out and bought 12 cinnamon rolls and 4 AriZona canned drinks. That's my comfort food. I wandered around for 4 hours after that in 105 degree heat. Just aimless wandering. I kind of just checked out completely. I wound up by the STL airport in Terminal 1. I came home, cracked open a can of AriZona and pulled out half a bottle of sake. My plan was just to get drunk enough to get a good buzz going so I could just calm down. I was tired from all the crying, heat and stress. I just wanted to go to sleep. You may have noticed I was online complaining that I was out of sake. I drank it all. Sake tastes great by itself, and when it's mixed with other stuff it's easier for me to handle. Usually I will have like a shot in 20oz of some kind of sugary drink. But I finished off the entire bottle. I woke up completely covered in cinnamon rolls. They were stuck to me like glue. Pieces of it was all over my bed and my back. Some of it was in my hair. A piece of one was stuck to my butt. Icing was all over my stomach and under one of my arms. I had cinnamon filling between my toes. I guess I opened a bunch of them (they were store brand) and I was half eating them or something. I have no idea. I just know I was itchy and sticky as fuck. You know what woke me up? My cat. She was licking/eating the cinnamon filling between my toes. I fell out of bed like a complete drunk - face first. I started calling for help. After getting appropriately chastised (seriously, that was incredibly irresponsible of me) my family helped me clean up. Everything on my bed was ruined. We just threw it all out. I was naked, so my clothes were spared, but now I have buy all new bed clothes (pillows included) and take the cat to the vet. Cinnamon is toxic to animals and I have to make sure she didn't ingest an obscene amount of it. It could kill her. This espresso I'm drinking is helping a lot. So is the 1200mg of ibuprofen I took. But I've still got a bit of a hangover. I'm sitting here waiting for the vet to open up so we can take in the cat. Now I can add this to the list of reasons why I don't drink. You are now free to troll me.