1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Review My Email (Help?)

Discussion in 'Offline Marketing' started by Malazath, Feb 19, 2012.

  1. Malazath

    Malazath Newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2012
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    4
    Fellow Black Hat World members I am looking for some help in reviewing my first email to local businesses for SEO services.

    Here Is The Email:

    Feel free to tear it apart and bash or whatever you please to do! I appreciate all the comments. Thanks!
     
  2. pieking

    pieking Registered Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2011
    Messages:
    54
    Likes Received:
    38
    The e-mail itself looks great. Short, sweet, and to the point with a great call to action. I do recommend, however, at the bottom of the e-mail including a link to some form of e-book or other document (on YOUR website) that will further explain to them in greater depth the importance of SEO.

    Even though through this e-mail you have presented yourself professionally, this prospect has no idea who the heck you are. You want to give them something that will show your credibility and authority in your business.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  3. theag

    theag Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2012
    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    131
    personalize the mail with a mailmerge ("Hello Jim/James/John") and add a link to a personalized offer page on your website (WP Personalizer plugin)
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  4. Malazath

    Malazath Newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2012
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    4
    Thanks for the responses you guys.
     
  5. fearcalvin

    fearcalvin Registered Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2011
    Messages:
    91
    Likes Received:
    10
    dont be afraid to throw a link in there!
     
  6. dannym954

    dannym954 Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2012
    Messages:
    375
    Likes Received:
    150
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    PrintPit Managing Director
    Location:
    U.K
    Home Page:
    Maybe switch it round but with the same content, any attempt to sell something should go like this:

    Positive>negative>positive>negative>positive etc. Always starting and finishing on a positive.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  7. theag

    theag Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2012
    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    131
    what I see now: use less jargon (e.g. "boost your off-site and on-site seo"). formulate it in THEIR language
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  8. CoyoteAssassin

    CoyoteAssassin Elite Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2010
    Messages:
    1,862
    Likes Received:
    3,906
    Occupation:
    Full Time IMer
    Location:
    USA
    Below are my revisions. I write/send emails daily and tend to use a technique that works best for me. Maybe it will work for you as well. You have to assume that the people you are emailing know zero about SEO. Don't sound scammy. You need to compliment what they do have but also mention that there are things that can change. Make sure they understand that a developer and website designer are not the same person. In most cases, they would forward your message to the developer who would then tell them to ignore it.

    Hope it goes well.




    Fellow Virginia Business Owner,

    My name is XXXX and I too am a local resident in Virginia Beach, Virginia. I was searching for car dealerships in Virginia Beach and I didn't find your website at all in the organic Google Searches nor in the Google Places Search results.

    I am a Search Engine Optimization (SEO) Specialist (someone who helps local businesses rank on the first page of searches). A red flag threw up in my head and the first thing that came to mind was to email you and offer my service.

    I would be honored to help you increase your search rank. I know exactly how to boost your on-site and off-site SEO. The reason this is a big deal is that you are losing roughly 590+ potential customers. That is tens of thousands of dollars in extra profits. (Tell how you got this number)

    If you would like to find out more about how I can help you then please do not hesitate to respond. I truly appreciate your time in reading this email.

    Have a great day!

    Sincerely,

    X. XXXX


    P.S: Attached are a few images regarding what I am talking about regarding this issue.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  9. ardley216

    ardley216 Elite Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2008
    Messages:
    2,391
    Likes Received:
    2,356
    Occupation:
    Finding easy keywords
    Location:
    1,500,000,000 Keywords Re
    Home Page:
    Sounds good. I think I will use this as some inspiration for my next email to send for my offline clients. Thanks!
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  10. Malazath

    Malazath Newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2012
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    4

    I really appreciate this response, I will definitely try this out on my next email!
     
  11. vibebeatz

    vibebeatz Registered Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2011
    Messages:
    86
    Likes Received:
    15
    it looks good, one of the things that had always work for me and helps alot it to personalize the email more talk to them like if you know them, always only use to the owners first name, also talk to them on plain words that any body will understand even a 9 years old kid. I can tell you that at least 95% of business owners don't know what are organic searches on google or whats SEO just put the email simple to understan but professional and you will see how efficient it is it help alot.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  12. gloom

    gloom Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    326
    Likes Received:
    83
    made it hard copy, will be great
     
  13. iiaok

    iiaok Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2010
    Messages:
    394
    Likes Received:
    184
    Occupation:
    Pro Apple Bobber
    Location:
    Pinterested.
    Try taking out the "SEO" and say it in layman's terms. Jargon will make someone's eyes glaze over fast.

    Sure, you're sounding official, but you're also sounding salesy and expensive at the same time.

    Try a few that are simplified and I think you'll be surprised at the higher response rate.
     
  14. Malazath

    Malazath Newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2012
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    4
    So should I just say something like the follow?

    I help to rank local businesses, like yours, on the first page of Search Engines like Google and Bing.

    Using that to replace me saying that I am a SEO specialist?
     
  15. Loony Larry

    Loony Larry Newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2012
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    15
    I agree with taking out some of the technical jargon. This is something I've been really wanting to do.

    Please let us all know if you get any replies?customers.
     
  16. Malazath

    Malazath Newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2012
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    4
    I will definitely keep everyone updated. I sent a bunch of emails to local hotels, auto mechanics and night clubs.

    Living in Virginia Beach is nice as it is a HUGE tourist area :)

    Nice sized businesses.