Review My Email (Help?)

[Malazath]

Fellow Black Hat World members I am looking for some help in reviewing my first email to local businesses for SEO services.

Here Is The Email:

Hello,

My name is XXXX and I am a local resident in Virginia Beach, Virginia. I was searching for car dealerships in Virginia Beach and I didn't find your website at all in the organic Google Searches nor in the Google Places Search results. Now as I am a Search Engine Optimization (SEO) Specialist a red flag threw up in my head and the first thing that came to mind was to email you about this issue.

The main reason I am emailing you regarding this issue is I would be honored to help you fix it. I know exactly how to boost your on-site and off-site SEO. The reason this is a big deal is that you are losing roughly 590+ potential customers. That is tens of thousands of dollars in extra profits.

If you would like to find out more about how my services can help you then please do not hesitate to respond. I truly appreciate your time in reading this email, I hope you have a great day!

P.S: Attached are a few images regarding what I am talking about regarding this issue.

Thank You,

X. XXXX

Feel free to tear it apart and bash or whatever you please to do! I appreciate all the comments. Thanks!

 

[pieking]

The e-mail itself looks great. Short, sweet, and to the point with a great call to action. I do recommend, however, at the bottom of the e-mail including a link to some form of e-book or other document (on YOUR website) that will further explain to them in greater depth the importance of SEO.

Even though through this e-mail you have presented yourself professionally, this prospect has no idea who the heck you are. You want to give them something that will show your credibility and authority in your business.

 

[theag]

personalize the mail with a mailmerge ("Hello Jim/James/John") and add a link to a personalized offer page on your website (WP Personalizer plugin)

 

[Malazath]

Thanks for the responses you guys.

 

[fearcalvin]

dont be afraid to throw a link in there!

 

[dannym954]

Maybe switch it round but with the same content, any attempt to sell something should go like this:

Positive>negative>positive>negative>positive etc. Always starting and finishing on a positive.

 

[theag]

what I see now: use less jargon (e.g. "boost your off-site and on-site seo"). formulate it in THEIR language

 

[CoyoteAssassin]

Below are my revisions. I write/send emails daily and tend to use a technique that works best for me. Maybe it will work for you as well. You have to assume that the people you are emailing know zero about SEO. Don't sound scammy. You need to compliment what they do have but also mention that there are things that can change. Make sure they understand that a developer and website designer are not the same person. In most cases, they would forward your message to the developer who would then tell them to ignore it.

Hope it goes well.




Fellow Virginia Business Owner,

My name is XXXX and I too am a local resident in Virginia Beach, Virginia. I was searching for car dealerships in Virginia Beach and I didn't find your website at all in the organic Google Searches nor in the Google Places Search results.

I am a Search Engine Optimization (SEO) Specialist (someone who helps local businesses rank on the first page of searches). A red flag threw up in my head and the first thing that came to mind was to email you and offer my service.

I would be honored to help you increase your search rank. I know exactly how to boost your on-site and off-site SEO. The reason this is a big deal is that you are losing roughly 590+ potential customers. That is tens of thousands of dollars in extra profits. (Tell how you got this number)

If you would like to find out more about how I can help you then please do not hesitate to respond. I truly appreciate your time in reading this email.

Have a great day!

Sincerely,

X. XXXX


P.S: Attached are a few images regarding what I am talking about regarding this issue.

 

[ardley216]

Sounds good. I think I will use this as some inspiration for my next email to send for my offline clients. Thanks!

 

[Malazath]

Below are my revisions. I write/send emails daily and tend to use a technique that works best for me. Maybe it will work for you as well. You have to assume that the people you are emailing know zero about SEO. Don't sound scammy. You need to compliment what they do have but also mention that there are things that can change. Make sure they understand that a developer and website designer are not the same person. In most cases, they would forward your message to the developer who would then tell them to ignore it.

Hope it goes well.




Fellow Virginia Business Owner,

My name is XXXX and I too am a local resident in Virginia Beach, Virginia. I was searching for car dealerships in Virginia Beach and I didn't find your website at all in the organic Google Searches nor in the Google Places Search results.

I am a Search Engine Optimization (SEO) Specialist (someone who helps local businesses rank on the first page of searches). A red flag threw up in my head and the first thing that came to mind was to email you and offer my service.

I would be honored to help you increase your search rank. I know exactly how to boost your on-site and off-site SEO. The reason this is a big deal is that you are losing roughly 590+ potential customers. That is tens of thousands of dollars in extra profits. (Tell how you got this number)

If you would like to find out more about how I can help you then please do not hesitate to respond. I truly appreciate your time in reading this email.

Have a great day!

Sincerely,

X. XXXX


P.S: Attached are a few images regarding what I am talking about regarding this issue.

I really appreciate this response, I will definitely try this out on my next email!

 

[vibebeatz]

it looks good, one of the things that had always work for me and helps alot it to personalize the email more talk to them like if you know them, always only use to the owners first name, also talk to them on plain words that any body will understand even a 9 years old kid. I can tell you that at least 95% of business owners don't know what are organic searches on google or whats SEO just put the email simple to understan but professional and you will see how efficient it is it help alot.

 

[gloom]

made it hard copy, will be great

 

[iiaok]

Try taking out the "SEO" and say it in layman's terms. Jargon will make someone's eyes glaze over fast.

Sure, you're sounding official, but you're also sounding salesy and expensive at the same time.

Try a few that are simplified and I think you'll be surprised at the higher response rate.

 

[Malazath]

Try taking out the "SEO" and say it in layman's terms. Jargon will make someone's eyes glaze over fast.

Sure, you're sounding official, but you're also sounding salesy and expensive at the same time.

Try a few that are simplified and I think you'll be surprised at the higher response rate.

So should I just say something like the follow?

I help to rank local businesses, like yours, on the first page of Search Engines like Google and Bing.

Using that to replace me saying that I am a SEO specialist?

 

[Loony Larry]

I agree with taking out some of the technical jargon. This is something I've been really wanting to do.

Please let us all know if you get any replies?customers.

 

[Malazath]

I agree with taking out some of the technical jargon. This is something I've been really wanting to do.

Please let us all know if you get any replies?customers.

I will definitely keep everyone updated. I sent a bunch of emails to local hotels, auto mechanics and night clubs.

Living in Virginia Beach is nice as it is a HUGE tourist area

Nice sized businesses.