Programming jokes

dalinkwent6 said:

I'm stumped on my current project using java, anyone have a more broad experience with building bot with the main stream languages?

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jazzc said:

Botlang 4.1 Enterprise

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qrazy said:

A mother said to her programmer son, "While you're out, buy some bread." Her son never came home.

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Brad100 said:

Would appreciate if someone can explain this one to me

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Groen said:

Also this is a really damn entertaining read if you've got a little time to spare http://research.microsoft.com/en-us/people/mickens/thenightwatch.pdf?repost=true

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You can't just place a LISP book on top of an x86 chip and hope that the hardware learns about lambda calculus by osmosis

I can realistically give a kernel hacker a nickname like "Diamondback" or "ZeusHammer." In contrast, no one has ever said, "These semi-transparent icons are really semi-transparent! IS THIS THE WORK OF ZEUS HAMMER?"

Despair is when you're debugging a kernel driver and you look at a memory dump and you see that a pointer has a value of 7

orifice containment issues

and then it tries to display a string that should say "Hello world," but instead it prints "#a[5]:3!" or another syntactically correct Perl script

There will be rich debates about the socioeconomic implications of Helvetica Light, and at some point, you will have to decide whether serifs are daring statements of modernity, or tools of hegemonic oppression that implicitly support feudalism and illiteracy

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The systems programmer has traced a network problem across eight machines, three time zones, and a brief diversion into Amish country, where the problem was transmitted in the front left hoof of a mule named Deliverance.

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tiyowan said:

I can't stop laughing - thank you, jazzc.

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A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he's lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

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