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No sex tonight

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by Kira_, Jan 2, 2011.

  1. Kira_

    Kira_ Newbie

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    I am not the author of this story!

    I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ
    so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
    I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
    their heart.

    For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
    bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I
    don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
    I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
    "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
    to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
    by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
    the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.



    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
    with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
    big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she
    tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide
    which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted
    new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for
    each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out
    a pair of diamond earrings.

    Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one
    wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me
    because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how
    to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's
    fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of
    the excitement.

    Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is
    all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
    feel like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
    WHAT???!!!"

    I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
    while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
    enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
    "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
    you?"

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least that bitch knows I am smarter than her.
     
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    Last edited: Jan 2, 2011
  2. WnrWnrChickenDinner

    WnrWnrChickenDinner BANNED BANNED

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    Im sorry man this is to long to read but this part made me laugh haha






    This should be in your Signature ;)
     
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  3. dizz

    dizz Elite Member

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    Occupation:
    This... AND MORE!! :D
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    Texas
    OOOOOMMMMMGGG!!! We love it, but then again, if I ever pulled that on amanda... welll... Here's how it would go...


    Amanda: Well honey, you may have gotten laid for it, but well, now lets see what this adds up to be...
    Jason: Adds up????
    Amanda: LOL, i control your wallet, BI*** and i have it.... So you are out of luck... your still buying me the stuff, and not getting the fringe benefits...
    Jason: it was your money anyways, just in my wallet...

    So who gets the last laugh here??? The story will continue.

    Jason AND Amanda... Yeah impromptu comedy...
     
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  4. Condorr

    Condorr Newbie

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    i lol'd. Is this a true story?
     
  5. Kira_

    Kira_ Newbie

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    I have no idea but I don't think so.
     
  6. Longover

    Longover Power Member

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    Hahaha... the jokes on you because you're not having sex tonight - idiot.

    Plus, I agree that your sig should be what the guy above said.

    And thanks for the laugh!
     
  7. lewi

    lewi Elite Member

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    Very very nice story!

    I didn't see that one coming :)

    Lewi
     
  8. Sonokai

    Sonokai BANNED BANNED

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    Thanks for the nice laugh lol.
    Any more like this?
     
  9. groomsxxx

    groomsxxx Power Member

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    thats great. I appreciate the laugh. :D
     
  10. ericsson

    ericsson Elite Member Premium Member

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    Buy stuff to a girl, which you think you might get some sex with her. Which ended up with nothing.

    Go buy a whore instead on street if you are that desperate .. :-D - Haha.
     
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  11. xfactornos

    xfactornos Regular Member

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    LMAO!!! I loved that! hahahaha
     
  12. spdstores

    spdstores Newbie

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    That was pretty funny
     
  13. sire243

    sire243 Regular Member

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    lols. i loved this one. shes prob like wtf
     
  14. gooser898

    gooser898 Regular Member

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    My hero. I pulled a similar stunt on new years 2 days ago. As you can assume we both spent new years alone. Well she thinks that. I went out with my mate and got smashed. She stayed at her place sulking.
     
  15. bertbaby

    bertbaby Elite Member

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    Ehhh...with an attitudes like that you both kinda of deserve each other. Please look beyond the gender stereotypes; there is so much more to life.
     
  16. facebookdude

    facebookdude Elite Member

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    I fight with my girlfriend on purpose so we get all angry then the make up sex is AMAZING.
     
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  17. madoctopus

    madoctopus Supreme Member

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    Taxi ride: $20
    Time wasted: $2h
    The look on her face... priceless

    For everything else there's Mastercard & BHW

    :) thanks for the laugh mate. doesn't matter if you actually did that but it was funny as hell to read it.
     
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  18. BENNY8877

    BENNY8877 Supreme Member

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    Ha Ha. Welcome to the dog house
     
  19. tgarmon

    tgarmon Newbie

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    Try that when you married and see where it get's yah. then she can legally take your sh*t.
     
  20. Tamra

    Tamra Junior Member

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    You're probably not going to be having sex anytime soon either. You may have
    won this battle, but.....