Need help with a sales e-mail

I've been targeting small business websites in my area who's websites are looking a little bit "90s" and offering to modernize it by making them a new flash website. The web design part i can do but it's the pitch that gets me.

I've been sending e-mails to the owners of the websites basically trying to tell them that their website is looking a little outdated and that i can help to bring it in to 2012.

Problem is that half of the people i've tried that e-mail on get offended. I can't think of a good way to word "your website is downright awful and i'll make you a better one" which isn't going to offend people.

Is there a standard one anywhere? and if so does anyone have it? Or am i going about it the wrong way completely?

Thanks in advance.

Just listened to a podcast on Ilovemarketing on this. Listen to the newest interview with Dan Sullivan. You're going to put me in your will after this.

I am checking it out now, I have always had an issue with this type of situation. Hoping for great content here

I can't check atm because i'm not on a computer :') Let me know if it's good

That is always a tough one...how about "Is your website bringing you customers everyday? or "How many people visited your website and clicked the Buy Now button?

You see they "think" their website is the best because their designer said so and they just dropped $10K on it so it must be good.

Have to find the pain and not the designer angle and you will be in. Take the existing site and add somethings to it and then after awhile hit them up for a new design.

Just one guys opinion.

JQ

dannym954 said:

I can't check atm because i'm not on a computer :') Let me know if it's good

Click to expand...

This Podcast brings a whole new thought process for me when it comes to marketing. Check it out for sure!

My sister worked for a callcenter doing outbound calls. They had similar problems telling the people some bad news, e.g. something gets more expensive, a service gets cancelled, and so on.

They learned to start the conversation telling something positive, talking about this negative informations in the middle and end it with positive stuff again - and this scheme really works. I'm using it all the time, for co-workers, for clients, for my girlfriend...

I would give it a try. Maybe something like:
"Hey there, heard from your business, that you're doing great work, have seen some of your work, ...
Visited your homepage, it's a little bit outdated, maybe I could help you, this part is bad, this part is even worse... Could do a complete rebuilding of your homepage, target local market, push your serps, and so on...
Say something nice here and come to an end (yeah, I had no more ideas, it's late over here...)
Best regards
dannym954"

i think it is blocked now by google