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Looking for advice on this email copy

Discussion in 'Copywriting & Sales Persuasion' started by Astrael, Jul 20, 2016.

  1. Astrael

    Astrael Newbie

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    A client wants me to write copy for an email blast they plan on doing, here's what I have so far
    I don't usually write copy, so this is pretty shit. He's targeting project managers, so the idea is essentially to show how the service will cut costs / generate revenue.

    How can I improve it? The headline/hook is really the only thing that matters, right?
     
  2. Matthew C

    Matthew C Newbie

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    What do you mean by vehicle wrap? I honestly could not understand the meaning of the article so I cannot suggest anything at this point.
     
  3. uristjack

    uristjack Junior Member

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    What is a Car Wrap?

    To Astrael, I can't give you copy, but try these links:
     
  4. infoJunkie

    infoJunkie Junior Member

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    It's too wordy.
    Try something like this:

    90% of people take note of words and pictures that are displayed on trucks


    Just one vehicle wrap gets 30,000 - 80,000 impressions a day at an average cost of $0.10CPM, making it one of the lowest cost and most efficient means of marketing.

    [redacted] is dedicated to bringing you:
    *Leads
    *(Etc Etc List the bullets that are valuable to the client.)
    *(Etc Etc List the bullets that are valuable to the client.)

    Whether you're rebranding, preparing for an event, or simply looking for a new means of advertising, we work with you every step of the way to ensure that your project is done right the first time.


    So that's just what I can think of on the fly
     
  5. sadecentpoint

    sadecentpoint Junior Member

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    No!
    Headline or subject will raise your open rate but not conversions. Try to understand your target audience and then write what they want.
    A good way is to ask them .
     
  6. nanetto

    nanetto Registered Member

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    Not agree: headline can boost your conversion too because, with a good headline, you have more people looking with attention your message in the sale's message. A crappy headline can kill your sells, a good one can boost them.