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Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by Smitty, May 22, 2008.

  1. Smitty

    Smitty BANNED BANNED

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    I just have to say something...

    Coconuts are really amazing.

    No, I'm not talking about the awesome things (hopefully) most of
    you guys (or girls) have either grabbed, bit, tickled, nibbled,
    massaged, rabbit-punched, or sucked on as a kid.

    I'm talking about the food. While boobs are still far far superior,
    the coconut has many amazing uses.

    These uses will be extremely valuable when you get stranded on
    a desert island which happens to have nothing but coconut trees.

    (I said when not if because new data shows that 97.24% of
    everyone on earth will be stranded on an island at least once in
    their lifetime. A guy in a white coat did the research, so you
    know its good.)

    So what happens when you get stranded?

    Well, here are just a few uses of these big nuts to help you out...

    1. Rub the inside of the nut between your hands to create an oil.
    The oil can be used for numerous things. It makes an excellent
    sunblock for one, which is handy if you get stranded naked.

    (For Men: If stranded with a woman, massage the oil into her
    hair. She will want sex immediately, so do that, then move on
    to number two)

    2. Drink the milk and then eat the inside of the coconut. You could
    probably stay alive for about 43 days (made that up) by just
    eating coconuts and nothing else. Coconuts are a superfood
    and a great source of excellent fat and vitamins which will keep
    you going. And this type of fat will help you lose weight so you
    can look slimmer and sexier everyday you're stranded.

    3. If you're stranded with someone you aren't fond of, hit them over
    the head with your nut. They will be out for a few hours, which
    will leave you enough time to push their ass out to sea on a piece
    of balsa wood.

    4. If you get bored, coconuts make awesome footballs. This is great
    when stranded with about 2-3 people. If by yourself, you are
    not only the quarter back you're also the wide receiver. I'm just
    saying you're gonna have to be fast.

    But then again...

    If you were stranded on an island you probably wouldn't be playing
    football.

    Irregardless (<---Not a real word)...

    What happens if the island doesn't have coconut trees????

    Have I got the solution for YOU!

    You can buy MY coconuts... 29 or two fo 50. You can pack em in
    a bag and store them for later.

    And trust me, you will need them because the white lab coat guys
    proved you will be stranded in your lifetime.

    Don't you want to be prepared if there are no coconut trees?

    Because you never know when you might get stranded on a desert
    island with nothing but the bag that contains your purchased
    coconuts.

    Don't leave anything to chance...

    Call today!

    P.S. This is a limited time offer because the coconuts are completely
    rotten.












    Come on now, this was in the lounge. Did you expect anything different.
    Why did I write this? Who knows, could be because I just ate a piece of
    coconut.

    Maybe someone can use it down the line for a salepage if they are selling
    coconuts on an island where people get stranded. Pass them out as
    flyers or something.

    Irregardless (theres that made up word again), it is late I'm out.

    Email if interested (in the coconuts).
     
  2. caretaker2007

    caretaker2007 Power Member

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    I beg to differ kind sir.

     
  3. Smitty

    Smitty BANNED BANNED

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    Haha, i knew someone would call me on it.

    Nice work.

    Although the word has really just been written
    in to the newest dictionary.

    So agree to disagree.

    It kind of like San Diego. Nobody really knows
    what it means. The translation was lost
    thousands of years ago.
     
  4. Gerula

    Gerula Newbie

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    Location:
    Smurf City
    Perversion: Or outside for the same result

    Preserving Assets: Or ask the woman for milk and keep the nuts for later

    Outsourcing: Or send them to collect more nuts for you


    Entertainment (if alone): Call it Wilson
     
  5. Smitty

    Smitty BANNED BANNED

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    Hahaha, very nice.
     
  6. blackhatttt

    blackhatttt Regular Member

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    This thread really cracked me up.

    Its nice to laugh once in a while. Thanks bro for the post. Really liked it.
     
  7. Uptownbulker

    Uptownbulker BANNED BANNED

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    Of course you can always put de lime in de cocoanut...............

    And call me in the morning!
     
  8. The Scarlet Pimp

    The Scarlet Pimp Senior Member

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    San = "Saint"
    Diego = "James"

    tsp
     
  9. oscarslater

    oscarslater Regular Member

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    I don't believe you made up the number of days you can survive on a coconut

    I think you are a secret coco-entologist (made that up)
     
  10. Smitty

    Smitty BANNED BANNED

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    I thought it meant "A Whales Vagina"
     
  11. Smitty

    Smitty BANNED BANNED

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    Haha, perhaps.
     
  12. crsk8andsno56

    crsk8andsno56 Senior Member

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    Was someone on some substances?!
     
  13. Smitty

    Smitty BANNED BANNED

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    My lawyer told me not to answer that question.
     
  14. Xcptn

    Xcptn Registered Member

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    smitty's coconut brings all the boys to the yards.....
     
  15. doughboy317

    doughboy317 BANNED BANNED

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    you know this could make for a great bum marketing article, well maybe a blog post.. this might even get on the front page of digg,... don't know how you'll make any money off of it, maybe you can post on a blog, dig it, and see if you make any money of the adsense earnings
     
  16. oscarslater

    oscarslater Regular Member

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    Youd be surprised how many people are into coconuts..... and the smitmistergeneral is just the man to exploit their passion for the 'divine nut' as these guys call it
     
  17. Smitty

    Smitty BANNED BANNED

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    Maybe so, but I like chicks. Sorry dude, maybe in another life but hopefully not haha.
     
  18. Xcptn

    Xcptn Registered Member

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    haha, u ass. what are you talking about?? I was referring to the delicious coconuts I though you were selling.
     
  19. Smitty

    Smitty BANNED BANNED

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    hahah, just foolin bro just foolin.