Girlfriend Keeps Putting Me Down - Feeling Demoralized

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Man i know your pain.

Solution is quite easy. Shovel yourself out 2 evenings a week for 4 hours or so. make the evening dedicated to her so she has fun. Too if it means you only get 3 or 4 hours sleep that night, doesn't matter, you are a man you can do that easily.

Girls need attention, some times more, some times less. But if she sees you are really willing to do things with her (thats the 2 times a week you shovel some time for her), then she will see that you just CAN't have more time for her and understands this.

and @ all the "get back to kitchen" guys ... well how should i say this .... did you EVER touch a girl before? ;-)
 
From a female perspective...

1. I would ask her what she needs or feels like she is lacking. Younger girls especially have a hard time coming about and saying it. While it might sound stupid, sometimes the constant hounding is for a compliment of some sort.

2. Tell her that she needs to learn how to communicate. If she really wants you to go out, it's something that she needs to plan in advance and give you ample time to rearrange your work schedule around if you are able to go. This way, you know what hours you can use for work and what hours you have planned to be with her.

3. This took me sometime to figure out, but whenever someone isn't supportive of you and your projects and passions, they probably really don't care about you. When you really love and care for someone, you help motivate, encourage, and inspire them to continue doing the things they love doing. If you don't feel that type of love coming from her, it's likely that she really doesn't have that type of deep care for you as a person. When you really care for someone, you love them for who they are and respect what is important to them (in this case building your business).
 
I really can't understand people that give OP the advice "ask her if she feels neglected". Have you even read his problem?

HE is the person being abused. HE is the one being put down. Now he has to humiliate himself further by being a wimp? Please.

It should be the other way around. OP obviously has above-average IQ since he's making money with something that most people don't even remotely understand. His partner should be proud of him.

I too had similar problems with my ex and I know where his pain comes from. Now I have a new partner that really understands me and supports me in what I do. She understands that sometimes we can't see each other for a whole week due to my obligations and I know it makes her sad, but she also understands that without my work I don't get to pay bills or eat. A partner needs to understand that they're not the center of the universe. Yes, they are important and deserve attention, but there are other things in life that share the same requirement.
 
Completely agree with this. Sometimes a relationship is just too ruined to repair. When your partner's love has cooled off, re-igniting it rarely gives you the proper flame. Sometimes you just need to accept the defeat and instead of desperately trying to fix things, just try to minimize the losses.

I really can't understand people that give OP the advice "ask her if she feels neglected". Have you even read his problem?

HE is the person being abused. HE is the one being put down. Now he has to humiliate himself further by being a wimp? Please.

It should be the other way around. OP obviously has above-average IQ since he's making money with something that most people don't even remotely understand. His partner should be proud of him.

I too had similar problems with my ex and I know where his pain comes from. Now I have a new partner that really understands me and supports me in what I do. She understands that sometimes we can't see each other for a whole week due to my obligations and I know it makes her sad, but she also understands that without my work I don't get to pay bills or eat. A partner needs to understand that they're not the center of the universe. Yes, they are important and deserve attention, but there are other things in life that share the same requirement.

UPDATE: I am moving out. While I haven't broken up with her, I've decided to move out right away. My feeling on this is that I don't believe on giving up on something so quickly just because there's major obstacles (i.e. Internet marketing, relationships, etc.) yet I need my own space and freedom. I don't ask her to understand what I do but I do expect her to respect it. Honestly, its a tough thing to understand but respect is mutual and I need that or at least need less stress around. We'll see where our relationship goes from here.

Note: Some comments here, I probably spend 4-8 hours a week on IM but no more than 20-35 hours (it's mostly on auto-pilot for now) and spend MUCH more time with her. The instances where I say I don't want to go to the bar or her parents are the 1 out of 8 times I'm asked. There is definitely no lack of social interaction with her, her friends and her family - which is something I think I don't have to do every time.
 
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UPDATE: We broke up or taking a break - however you look at it. I've moved out and in my own place now for the last 4 weeks. While I miss her (and I have no been calling or talking to her - at least initializing it) I do enjoy my freedom. So we'll see where I go.
 
lol... so many funny comment...

but you have to choose btw money and mayb love...
as for me hehehehehe i go with the money dude
===chase the money and the love will chase you===
 
UPDATE: We broke up or taking a break - however you look at it. I've moved out and in my own place now for the last 4 weeks. While I miss her (and I have no been calling or talking to her - at least initializing it) I do enjoy my freedom. So we'll see where I go.

I've got a feeling that you won't be getting back together. The day you moved out was probably the end of your relationship with her. By the way, has she tried to get in touch with you? Nevertheless there are plenty of fish in the sea. Good Luck!
 
I've got a feeling that you won't be getting back together. The day you moved out was probably the end of your relationship with her. By the way, has she tried to get in touch with you? Nevertheless there are plenty of fish in the sea. Good Luck!

Hey, yes. She's called about hanging out and stuff. She said this was a way to work on things but now our communication is getting less. I ignore her calls and texts unless it involves forwarding my mail. She blew up my phone a few days ago with calls, texts and e-mails.
 
Thanks for the response and support. We've talked about this and she says its unfair how she treats me. She doesn't want to be that way and blah blah. She admits that I am good to her and she is bad to me and asks why do I stay. She doesn't want to break up but wants some time apart. One or two nights I slept in the guest bedroom and she came in crying because I wasn't sleeping with her. She knows I am going to move out for a bit yet she does this?

It's pretty simple really and most people here don't seem to have a clue how women work.

She's ridiculing you because she feels you care more about work than her and it hurts her, so she wants to hurt you the way you're hurting her.

Some women are more needy than others. Some will be fine with you spending most of your time working as long as you allocate time for them, while others want you to spend every waking moment with them.

One of my girlfriends a couple of years ago was just like yours. She wanted money and she also wanted a bf who would spend all morning in bed having sex, then all evening doing something together. She'd ridicule me about a lot of different business related things whenever I wouldn't spend ridiculous amounts of time with her.

There's not a lot you can do really. I don't know the situation, but needy women aren't a good match for someone who wants to run a business. You'd be better off without a girlfriend just now, or finding either a career woman or a woman running her own business too.

Most people don't understand what it takes to run a business and most women would rather just have someone they can spend time with rather than a someone trying to build a business with the promise of making riches. It's a different story if you're already a millionaire since they knew what they were getting into, but when you're trying to build a business all they see is you producing the same money anyone else with a job is producing but working 3x more.

Only you can decide what to do but my advice would be talk to her and tell her you understand she's acting this way because of why I said. (Don't say she's needy)

Explain to her that both your business and her are very important to you and that she's more important than the business, but regardless of that the business is still something that's going to take up a lot of your time and she has to accept that part of you if things are going to work.

If you get her talking you can perhaps come up with some compromises. You personally don't need to work every minute on your business and dear god man, what's with the sleeping bag in the office? That is NOT how you run a successful business!! Set hours for work and then finish. 8am-7pm, mon-sat is MORE than enough. Outside of that you can spend time with her.

Good luck whatever you do. :)
 
Hey dude, you have my total respect, these things are hard. Last time I broke up with a girl (half a decade ago), I lost 99% of motivation and confidence. I have about 20% of it back so far.

As hard as it may be, don't go back, and if you do, make sure it's a FRESH start, and that means a LONG break.
 
This is an interesting thread. Well, all you have to do is to give her a chance to work with you also, dumping her right away is the biggest mistake you could do. Try to make things work out first, engage her on your work, give her assigned tasks to finish so the both of you will gain money to pay all the bills and stuff and you could both sleep together at you office :) you see what I mean? Complimenting each other and fixing conflicts must be done with this situation. You can always spend time if the both of you working on the same site.
 
I was about to say "LEAVE THE BITCH" but then i heard "her" side of the story. I think what you could do as a compromise to her is treat her out once in a while, and do interesting stuff. Dont be overzealous in your work! relax a little. properly communicate with her why you're doing IM passionately and promise to adjust a little for her. is she still doesnt change. then Leave HER!
I've been with my girlfriend for several years and we've been living together for one. I pay bills, help out with groceries, take her out to dinner, and all that stuff. While I do IM, she hates it that I am on here and she usually ridicules me and puts me down. I am working on some big projects I am passionate about, like I put a sleeping bag in the office so that I don't miss a beat of the work.

She gets pissed off and wants me to go down to her parents, or go bar hopping with her and her friends. I usually decline so I can get work done, save money for our place and so forth. Right now I have had about enough. I almost feel at the verge of defeat with her. My project is several months late and my competitors have at least a few week head start on me. I move passed my thoughts that if I didn't spend so much time with her, I would be further along. However, I try to find a balance between work and my relationships (her and my family, etc.)

Now she puts me down, always points out negativities and doesn't respect me. So I am planning on moving out (big step). For at least a month, or maybe permanent. Just had enough of her shit. Anyways, I'm venting a bit but if any of you guys have thoughts, I'd love to hear.
 
She's the one asking for a break - not sure what she wants. I'm the one that wants to work through this together. So, I don't know...
 
She's the one asking for a break - not sure what she wants. I'm the one that wants to work through this together. So, I don't know...

May i know why you're the one out of your own place, not her? :s
 
dude.. this is normal on females.. they thought IM is boring.. they never knew IM that is why they got bored on it and put you down..

I felt the same but I keep telling here that I love IM but I love her more that is why I am working hard in IM to have a good future with her..
 
Man reading this just shows you how much of a time/energy drain it is to be with some women. Just yesterday I had the most ridiculous situation occur: I was supposed to meet up with a girl for our 3rd date to go to dinner. She texts me an hour before we're supposed to meet saying, "I found out about your girlfriend, and I can't bring myself to be a homewrecker. Good luck." Problem: I'm not seeing anyone else. She doesn't respond to any texts or my voicemail trying to figure it out. Guess how much I've gotten done today? Barely anything. Probably won't be much better tomorrow either.

Good luck OP and hopefully you find someone else that gels with your lifestyle better.
 
You made the right decision buddy.

So how is life now? Did you make some $$?
What happened to her?

Was reading this thread & figured I'd ask about an update
 
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