Delivery Driver? Try "Delivery Expert"

Zwielicht

Zwielicht

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I was ordering a pizza on Domino's when I saw that they had an option to leave instructions for my "Delivery Expert". Not my delivery driver, but my delivery expert.
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I love when places give you fancy job titles. It reminds me of when I was down at the recruitment office when I was 18 years old and the Air Force recruiter handed me a sheet of paper with all of the potential jobs I could get. It listed jobs with titles like, "Geological Cleansing Officer" for floor sweepers.


Unfortunately, I will not have the pleasure of meeting this expert in delivery because, as you can see, I ticked the box that says to leave it at the door.

A missed opportunity? Perhaps...

Does anyone else have any fancy job titles they've come across online?
 
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I get why they did it, though. You can't call the entire collective "delivery men" because some are women. You can't call them "delivery guys" because it's too slangish. You can't call them drivers, because their role doesn't end when they arrive, they need to get the pizza to your doorstep.
You can call them "delivery persons" but it's lacking a puch.
All you're left with is a delivery expert, as weird as it sounds.
 
roydan said:
I get why they did it, though. You can't call the entire collective "delivery men" because some are women. You can't call them "delivery guys" because it's too slangish. You can't call them drivers, because their role doesn't end when they arrive, they need to get the pizza to your doorstep.
You can call them "delivery persons" but it's lacking a puch.
All you're left with is a delivery expert, as weird as it sounds.
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They used to just call them delivery drivers on Domino's for the longest time (I order from there more than I should), but that's actually a very good point you made there. It was either that or delivery person.
Walterwhit said:
Reminds me of a job title i saw on craglist last night -

“Director of First Impressions.”


It's a receptionist.

A fucking receptionist...
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You weren't kidding!
c2362fdb832dd5ee9269cefbe88774e7.png
 
In Germany we have all sorts of fancy titles for jobs. A simple mailmen is called "Postbote" in Germany, however if you do the apprenticeship for this, you are a "Fachkraft für Kurier-, Express- und Postdienstleistungen", or in English a "Specialist in courier, express and postal services"
 
RoiBox said:
How about Link Building Expert - Spams forums and blog comments with links.
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Social Media Ninja
Facebook Ads (or other things) Magician

*rolls eyes*

Businesses use these terms in their sm job and freelance posts all the time huh

I thought I'm not doing fortune telling anymore, but apparently I'm a magician ;)
 
They use names like “delivery partner”, “rider” etc here. I believe these people aren’t true employees of the company. They are just “partners” so that the companies could avoid having to give them insurance etc. Heckk, these “partners” are even charged for their uniforms which is crazy. Life is not fair. :(
 
I enjoyed being a warehouse palettes assembly expert for 3 months, but then I got too many ideas and went back to my computer.

I learned a lot from that job, but once I stopped learning, I just quit as there was no way to get higher payments etc.

It looked very similar to what I did on my computer to upload videos on the internet. Just put stuff in an efficient manner. Told me what makes enterprise an enterprise. Efficiency = business.
SilverClouds said:
Businesses use these terms in their sm job and freelance posts all the time huh
Click to expand...
If you think about it, those "businesses" many times are just short term trend based ventures that won't last more than a decade. So... lack of insight into reality and how things work. Would choose a warehouse job any time over marketing staff job unless I was managing budgets of someone I could understand was playing the game long term. It's not worth to learn all that marketing and business processes just to get some bucks. Not enough motivation.

They usually don't produce anything tangible. Some ad copy, some copywriting and some forum posts. A random pizzeria is of higher values. At least they sell something that makes people happy and it isn't that expensive to get a pizza. Anyone can start overselling and call it a business, but is it... in my terms business is more than marketing.

I worked at a software house and the CEO said something along the lines:
"ohh, I regret opening this software house, I listened to my friend at a party; I always wanted to run a pizzeria, but..."

He was complaining about clients and those clients were complaining about him and his staff. Hell on earth.
So don't listen to your friends and follow your damn passion -> produce something and invent new stuff.
No wonders software companies attract so many males... women would risk miscarriage in such a stressful environment. lol

Marketing / ad based businesses are a little bit less stressful but still of low value if they don't have good idea of what a product can be.
 
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reaaski said:
I enjoyed being a warehouse palettes assembly expert for 3 months, but then I got too many ideas and went back to my computer.

I learned a lot from that job, but once I stopped learning, I just quit as there was no way to get higher payments etc.

It looked very similar to what I did on my computer to upload videos on the internet. Just put stuff in an efficient manner. Told me what makes enterprise an enterprise. Efficiency = business.

If you think about it, those "businesses" many times are just short term trend based ventures that won't last more than a decade. So... lack of insight into reality and how things work. Would choose a warehouse job any time over marketing staff job unless I was managing budgets of someone I could understand was playing the game long term. It's not worth to learn all that marketing and business processes just to get some bucks. Not enough motivation.

They usually don't produce anything tangible. Some ad copy, some copywriting and some forum posts. A random pizzeria is of higher values. At least they sell something that makes people happy and it isn't that expensive to get a pizza. Anyone can start overselling and call it a business, but is it... in my terms business is more than marketing.

I worked at a software house and the CEO said something along the lines:
"ohh, I regret opening this software house, I listened to my friend at a party; I always wanted to run a pizzeria, but..."

He was complaining about clients and those clients were complaining about him and his staff. Hell on earth.
So don't listen to your friends and follow your damn passion -> produce something and invent new stuff.
No wonders software companies attract so many males... women would risk miscarriage in such a stressful environment. lol

Marketing / ad based businesses are a little bit less stressful but still of low value if they don't have good idea of what a product can be.
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Don't go all miscarriage in a post you quote me in. I don't want to have children so kinda convenient lol.

No way in hell I'd like to own a software house... I had enough of client work in marketing. Honestly, I have enough of people in my neighbourhood as well. I need more privacy - house that's not right next to the main street and faceless hustle with no sales calls. Pizzerias go bankrupt really fast... They die like flies, even worse than kiddie SMMAs lol. Unless you're Pizza Hut or something.
 
SilverClouds said:
Pizzerias go bankrupt really fast... They die like flies, even worse than kiddie SMMAs lol. Unless you're Pizza Hut or something.
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Yeah, people want to SELL pizza, not MAKE good pizza. If you want to make good pizza, you can't go bankrupt. They may be educated poorly on how to fund such a business and how to optimize.

Now I am a pizza theory expert.
 
UnusualSubstance said:
There is a leave at the door option?

Wish we had this available when I ordered food my introvert self would've loved that option.
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Domino's added it there during COVID and left it up, although the delivery drivers experts don't always listen to it now.

My delivery expert yesterday waited at the door, so I got to meet a true expert in the art of delivery. He had a friendly smile... a very friendly smile and a glazed look in his eyes. The avoidance of direct eye contact and the smell of cannabis emanating from him confirmed my suspicions: he didn't ignore the instructions, he was just too high to notice.
 
It's the epidemic of participation trophies, they don't want to make anyone feel bad, so HR in every corporation came up with this.

It reminds me of an old movie of Forest Whittaker where he walked into a bar and the bartender insisted on calling him a Mixologist.
 
Zwielicht said:
My delivery expert yesterday waited at the door, so I got to meet a true expert in the art of delivery. He had a friendly smile... a very friendly smile and a glazed look in his eyes. The avoidance of direct eye contact and the smell of cannabis emanating from him confirmed my suspicions: he didn't ignore the instructions, he was just too high to notice.
Click to expand...
Ask him for some weed, sell said weed.

Break even on food costs.
Scale.
Ez riches.

Make a video How I Get FREE FOOD From Dominos (crazy easy)

Retire early.
 
Zwielicht said:
I was ordering a pizza on Domino's when I saw that they had an option to leave instructions for my "Delivery Expert". Not my delivery driver, but my delivery expert.
ad25542a2c4b61edc3af92a933a21225.png

I love when places give you fancy job titles. It reminds me of when I was down at the recruitment office when I was 18 years old and the Air Force recruiter handed me a sheet of paper with all of the potential jobs I could get. It listed jobs with titles like, "Geological Cleansing Officer" for floor sweepers.


Unfortunately, I will not have the pleasure of meeting this expert in delivery because, as you can see, I ticked the box that says to leave it at the door.

A missed opportunity? Perhaps...

Does anyone else have any fancy job titles they've come across online?
Click to expand...
Champion of Office Happiness - HR director of my office
 
Zwielicht said:
I was ordering a pizza on Domino's when I saw that they had an option to leave instructions for my "Delivery Expert". Not my delivery driver, but my delivery expert.
ad25542a2c4b61edc3af92a933a21225.png

I love when places give you fancy job titles. It reminds me of when I was down at the recruitment office when I was 18 years old and the Air Force recruiter handed me a sheet of paper with all of the potential jobs I could get. It listed jobs with titles like, "Geological Cleansing Officer" for floor sweepers.


Unfortunately, I will not have the pleasure of meeting this expert in delivery because, as you can see, I ticked the box that says to leave it at the door.

A missed opportunity? Perhaps...

Does anyone else have any fancy job titles they've come across online?
Click to expand...
Senior Executive Artificial Intelligence Associate - and its just your online AI VA e-girl gf lol
 
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