Best Programming Jokes!

Just a few of ones I posted on my fb a while back, and one of my own.

A DBA walks into a NOSQL bar, but turns and leaves because he couldn't find a table..

A mathematician finishes a large meal and says: √(-1/64)

"I can cast out either one of your demons, but not both of them." — the XORcist.

Inception was right. If you run a virtual machine inside a virtual machine, it's slower. Then if you run a virtual machine inside THAT virtual machine, it's even slower than the rest.

Chris22 said:

A DBA walks into a NOSQL bar, but turns and leaves because he couldn't find a table..

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hahaha

A mathematician finishes a large meal and says: √(-1/64)

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"I ate" Nice

DarkPixel said:

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
very long pause....
"Java."

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There something wrong with your database. You sold an item that clearly belongs to the group "truth" as an item of the group "joke"

marusia said:

Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A:Because he didn't get arrays.

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This one ... Thank you for this one ...

C++, where your pointers dangle and friends get to play with your private members.

A mathematician finishes a large meal and says: √(-1/64)

I had to research this for the benefit of my fellow non-mathematicians.

The square root of -1 is a number called "i"

The square root of 64 is 8 (because 8 x 8 = 64)

The way this fraction is laid out, i is OVER the 8.

So, i over 8 = "I overate."

Check out this one http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...ainting_-_SQL_query_to_find_an_ideal_girl.jpg

lol. That's some really funny jokes. Thanks for sharing.

Chad

I wanna say something ,
but my jokes is only that add where a cool war running in between father and sun with java and .net platform.

A friend of mine posted these on another forum ...

You know you're an internet marketer, when:

- family members take you aside one day and ask if you're secretly dealing drugs on the side...
- the only thing dating means to you is a niche
- the neighbors think you're into something illegal when they observe you not going to work but having all the trappings of success
- every item at your garage sale ends with a ‘7
- you still make the same income when your on holidays
- it takes you twenty minutes to explain to people what you do for a living and they still don't quite get it
- you offer "Bonuses" that are worth WAY more than the affiliate product you are selling
- people on five different continents recognize your name - but your neighbors don't
- you sit there for three more hours thinking, "Damn, I really have to go to the bathroom" But, you end up sitting for a few more because there's just one more ...
- when you know You are Freaking cool... and are envied by friends
- your friends send you text messages at 2PM that say, "Call me when you wake up"
- IM no longer means instant messaging, and PR is a number rather than a division in your company
- you watch TV and think "I wonder if they have an affiliate program for that" whenever you see a commercial
- you have to run back to your PC during game halftime to take down a special offer before the 3rd quarter begins again
- you go to bed when others wake up (and vice versa) and you need food but cant buy it, not because you're poor, but because all stores are closed when you're awake
- you go to your bank cashing checks, and they're ALWAYS asking "is ClickBank the name of the bank?"...and you say: "No, its not the name of the bank"
- you spend three times as much as you pay for rent on fricking Adwords
- you have a bunch of clocks on the wall showing you the time in the US, EU and Australia
- you have people "working for you" in very, very far away countries
- you look at your watch and it says "9pm" and you think "ok...so its 2pm" because your main market is on another continent
- you leave the house to get some food "before you go to bed"...which is usually 7am or something..and you see hordes of cranky people in rush hour sitting in their cars going to work....

+1 the jokes in this thread made sense to you
+2 you laughed at them and had the urge to turn around and tell someone else, and then realized no one else you know would get it

you go to bed when others wake up (and vice versa) and you need food but cant buy it, not because you're poor, but because all stores are closed when you're awake

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I get that frequently. Sometimes I have to bake bread just because there's no place to buy it at 4AM and there's no non-stop food delivery in my city. Also, I call for a taxi to bring me a pack of cigarettes from the gas station.

And there's another one not listed there - i get calls from friends during the day but since i check my phone during the night I can't call them then so i forget to call them and get to call them after 4-5 days lol.

More for programmers to understand and laugh.

Reset FTW!

FlyingKalamari said:

Well this one is meant to poke a little fun at you programmers.

There are four engineers travelling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a software engineer. The car breaks down. "Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer. "Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system." "I thought it might be an grounding problem", says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead." They all turn to the programmer who has said nothing and say: "Well, what do you think?" "Ummm - perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?"

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