Day whateverthehellitisnow
So. Since my last update more than a month ago, a LOT of stuff has happened.
I ran away from my house 1 week after I posted that last update because I couldn't take anymore of the abuse my "dad" was perpetrating. The "vacation" was short lived however, but much needed (2 days). The police (the captain knows me from church, and was very nice) had to tell me to go back to my house (legal stuff and whatnot, being considered a runaway, etc). Of course, after I got back to the house, things were about 2x as bad, namely my "dad" taunting me about not being able to get away from him until I was 18. But he didn't know that wasn't true, because legally or not, I was about to use a last resort, but I'll get to that in a second.
On Feb. 1, he died. (He had a TON of health complications, it wasn't really that unexpected). Now because he died, I've been able to get in school and actually do things (not only because I am no longer taking care of him 24/7 like I used to, but because his demeaning and controlling aurora is no longer here).
I was going to commit suicide. Literally, if he hadn't died, I would have already done it. I'd been considering it on and off for the past year or so. I'd planned it all out- I was setting everything up. I got poison that I would drink right before going up on the stool to put the rope around my neck, and then while on the stool, I was going to take the knife and cut my wrists, then jump immediately. But he died, so that pretty much stopped for a bit.
Right now, I'm really sad and depressed, not because my "dad" is "gone" (he put me in a really difficult position because he = constant abuse), but I've felt this way for the past 2 years, it's just gotten much worse over that time span.
While I am not actively planning suicide anymore, I really don't have anything to live for.
So I'm back to square one. Planning and evaluating a way to make money here.
