I don't know what to say to be perfectly honest, I just don't know what to say. The cumulative time spent here, I mean it has been nice and all: I've dabbled in a few businesses I've never even considered before I've done and said things I thought that I was never capable of saying/doing I've met some really awesome and successful people In a similar vein, I've also met some of the trashiest and most immoral savages, all here on BHW I've learned a lot about myself, my way of viewing the world, my culture and my place in society, all by interacting with the many flavors BHW has to offer I've gained a lot of introspection into my actions and edgy behavior, probably pushed by all the infractions I've received LOL thank you mods :* I've earned my first 5k$ in a month EVER, taking both online and offline endeavors into equation, solely by content writing I've pushed myself beyond my comfort zone MULTIPLE times, elevating myself into another dimension, that in return gave me more psychic energy to fight for myself and my goals I've learned stuff that is seemingly unimportant when taken at face value, but always finding itself applicable some time down the line I've quit smoking cigarettes, playing video games, soft drugs and for the most part, alcohol (I'm still a social drinker, mind you), all becouse of journey threads like @WebMinati's (nothing against you my dude, just an example) or @Sherb (once again, example) having more orders than me, pissed me off. I'm a very competitive individual and when I see someone succeed or even claim to have broken the silver fucking lining, I get pissed. And I want to overthrow him/her. I've picked up and shared quite a number of new and creative ideas. I always felt affected by other people's failures and successes and I would always ask myself: How would I handle THAT situation?! So in a way, BHW has been very motivating for me. Compared to the stuff I did BEFORE I've joined BHW, this place has been a fucking gift from the heavens, quite literally, as I would spent most ALL of my days drunk, high, alone and playing video games. I mean I was a college dropout working a demanding minimum wage blue collar job without any sort of perspective, gumption or drive in life. These four, hmmmmmm, I can't even call them vices, they are more than that- They are TRAITS, they have been embellished into me from the age of three (my babysitters would spend their time watching TV and forcing me to join in, oftentimes using intimidation), my parents were never at home and when they were, they would be so strung out that calling out for their attention would be met with open hostility. This never changed and we've never really 'clicked', this made me feel very alienated and lonely in this world. It also gave me quite the unprecedented amount of abandonment anxiety to grapple with. I was basically preordained to become a failure and nobody cared if I did, since the circular logic of 'we didn't give a shit now, why give a shit later' was used to justify the mishaps in my life. This is all well and good. I'm in my early 20's now and I can finally make decisions on my own or so I thought... You see, while you can change your financial status, way of looking, clothes... there are still some things that stay with you and no matter how hard you fucking pull, you still feel like the damn carrot didn't budge an inch from the ground. One step forward, and two steps back. You lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. The one thing I really wanted to work upon was my way of interacting with people: I was overtly respectful to people that treated me like trash and VERY disrespectful to people that were basically trying to help me out. I KNEW that this was happening on some subconscious level, but I could never really point the finger at anyone specifically- it seemed to me as if EVERYONE was against me. I felt very dazed and confused, I didn't know what to do, every move that I did seemed like the worst fucking mistake ever and life just SUCKED IT SUCKED BALLS!!! Not just on BHW, this has been an issue of mine since my fucking inception if I must say so, but nowhere did it become so apparent to ME as it did here. This fucked with me a lot and made me quite sad, anxious and very depressed. I hated myself, life and everyone around me. ''You can all go fucking die of cancer'' would've been my life motto at this point in time. Remember how at the start of this thread, and I quote myself, I've uttered: ''I mean it has been nice and all...'' There's a reason behind that and you'll soon read why. You see, while BHW has been an amazing and a very eye-opening experience, granting me with a plethora of opportunities to make massive amounts of money + giving me the privilege to interact with some of the smartest minds FROM ALL OVER THE FUCKING WORLD, it didn't make me happy. No, it just showed me how incompetent and incomplete I truly am- which btw, I'm very grateful for, in retrospect. To get to the fucking point, a little less than two weeks ago, on one of my trips (I LOVE TRAVELING!!!), I've met the most amazing woman in my entire fucking life. Guys, this is coming from the most stern and rampant misogynist on the fucking planet, this woman, in my eyes at least, is a GODDESS! In less than one hour, she told me: a) all the things wrong with me b) ways that I can start fixing them RIGHT NOW c) hit her up whenever I hit a roadblock After that fateful hour, I honestly just wanted to strangle this blabbering 90 pound bitch. I've never felt such a concoction of emotions brewing inside of me, anger, fear, confusion, rage, sadness, clarity, a sort of destructive, rambunctious vibe... I didn't know what the fuck was going on, she fucking destroyed me. SHE TOOK EVERYTHING THAT I THOUGHT 'ME' WAS AND BASICALLY DISPOSED IT INTO A FUCKING DUMPSTER Just like that, no forewarning, no questions, no nothing. She killed me. I'm crying as I'm writing this. I knew, at that juncture- There was no going back. I was reborn. I could write thirteen books right now, in the span of like a week, on our interactions alone, but let's cut to the chase: I'm now learning how to respect myself and subsequently GAIN self-worth, so that I can respect other people and see the worth in them I'm actively standing up for myself and my rights and fight for them, EVEN if it means LOSING the person who is challenging them I've realized that women speak in an entirely different fucking language, they are not stupid, far from that, they are, at least psychologically speaking, MILES ahead of every men I've met so far. This is an exaggeration, but I think that most of us can agree with the fact that the average woman is far superior, in terms of psychological strength and manipulation, compared to the average male. Here's a recent example from my own, personal, life: I was drinking a coffee in my local town hotspot, when I overheard two female teens, around 16 or 17, talking about ways guys tried to get in their pants. Now, if this was the old me, I would've been thinking something in the lines of 'stupid cum cunt filled cumwhores, just stop counting the amount of dicks you've sucked, shut up and lemme enjoy my fucking leisure time!' BUT NOW, I could see beyond that, I could see their fucking power level oozing out of them, spreading into the room and radiating through the entire place. These two blatant teens were sharing such an uncomfortable experience(s) with each other, out in the open, completely armorless and vulnerable to outside scorns, criticism and weird looks. I was just amazed, how could I've been so fucking blind?! Truth be told, if I got into a relationship with any of these two (yeah I know they are illegal, once again, example), they could have their way with me and spit me out a broken man. And there would be NOTHING I could do about it. To the guys that don't quite agree with me, consider this: ''You might think she is a crazy whore, but she's still getting her way.'' Your opinion is inconsequential in her eyes, you're nothing but trash. You've lost her game and now devolve into swear words and pejorative terms. You were never even a challenge, weakling. So yeah, I truly respect the opposite gender right now, not just to virtue signal to my society that I'm a stable and decent human being, but becouse I finally have a REASON to respect women. I'm now done with the formal part, let's get to the bottom of this thread, the true cause of why I'm posting it and all the nitty-gritty that goes with the decisions I've made. I've sent a message to the BHW support section asking to delete some of my posts/threads. I think that @WilhelmScream was nice enough to reply and inform me of the entire procedure. I think that I'll hold off on that idea, simply for the reason of having some sort of example of WHAT I could potentially fall back into. It's also a safety net and a guide, as I can always browse back if I ever stray away from my new ideals. I'm not ashamed of my past in the least bit, as I don't even consider that 'me' anymore. My first notion was to create a list of all the people I should be thankful to but I quickly came to the conclusion that, oh snap, this list would have at least 200 usernames, all with a vastly different reason on how and why they've helped me, sooooooo, I gave up on that idea. Instead, I'm going to do something much, much better. It might require a bit more courage but I'm fully ready to commit to it, with my entire being. This will be a list of people, whom from my perspective, I've hurt, offended or generally made their time on BHW an uncomfortable experience either with my incessant nagging, tenacious demands or consistent trolling. This will be a top-down list, so we'll be seeing a whole lot of BHW staff in the first lines LOL @Diamond Damien Whenever I felt sighted (aka always) by any one of your wonderful staff, I would always run complaining to you with motherfucking 10.000 word long-winded articles on why a mods warning or 1 point infraction was literally worse than the holocaust. I'm sorry for wasting your valuable time and making you go through the trouble of reading all of that, won't happen again, pinky promise! @Apricot hmmmm, let me think, I was quite obnoxious in the way I've talked with you. I felt as if you nor anyone else from the moderating team gave a shit about us. In retrospect, you can't really babysit 10k users individually, each day, every day. I also apologize for slandering your name here and there, publicly, in a way where you couldn't really ban me since it wasn't DIRECTLY pointed at you, but still being clear enough that a rational human could come to the conclusion: 'oh wow, this guy has some serious fucking issues' and 'what's his fucking problem' @BassTrackerBoats thought that I wouldn't mention you, you old geezer? Where do I start really? I'm not sure, but I can just say one thing: You've been VERY, VERY patient with me and my insolent behavior. I guess that I had placed this sort of barrier between you and me, this 'him vs me' sort of barricade which never really allowed me to see you as a (struggling) human being and I'm sorry for that. You're not allowed to leave BHW yet, we need you here for at least another 30-40 years, than you can fuck off @WilhelmScream arguing over such a clear infraction must have been one of the cringiest moments in my history, excluding this post here lol. Anyways, sorry for being a dickhead, you can't really rationalize bigotry, can you? @I know SEO LOL, now I'm not sure if you're active here or if the holder of the account changed, but here goes nothing: I was basically crying like a little bitch just becouse you did your fucking job. I mean it goes deeper than that but that's the shortest synopsis I could come up with. I apologize for that. @MisterF how did that game pan out? lol, sorry for giving a new and I'm sure, in the foreseeable future, a very powerful addition to the moderating crew, unnecessary anxiety over a pretty clear 1 P O I N T I N F R A C T I O N As a whole, I'm super surprised that I only got like 8 infraction points, looking back, I should've been permabanned or at least given a three-month cooldown period. @MatthewGraham I know that I never really offended you directly, but what I do must apologize for is the fact that I'm simply not up to the level of professionalism and commitment it takes to work with you. I'm sorry for not being prepared enough to make us both some serious motherfucking money. I'm withholding myself from you, know what I'm saying? I'll contact you in a few years. @SensualTyrannosaurus Dear sir, I mean, honestly speaking, if this was graded on some sort of scale that measured the weight of my sins, I believe that I do feel the most indebted towards you. It's a toss-up between you and @thescrrr, but he'll get his just desserts soon enough. I mean if I just told you straight up why I had a problem with you commenting on my Facebook pictures, instead of being a vigilante and trying to one-up you ASAP, I wouldn't have jabbed so low. Tell your wife that I'm truly sorry and that I do understand why this was a VERY shitty move from me, she really wasn't my target, but ended up becoming 'collateral damage' Anyways, I'm really sorry man and I completely understand why you reacted the way you did. I mean, let's cut the bullshit, we're of the same retard emotional bitch breed, I've caught whiff of that when we had our little phone conversation, so yeah, completely not cool out of me. Pls don't come to Europe and ar16 my country @thescrrr hey man, a lot of time has passed and I kinda feel like I didn't do enough, you know? You can't just tell a client that he's wrong in his demands and continue on doing the same mistakes you did the first time around... Well, I did that and you're right, 30$ IS A LOT OF MONEY, especially when you don't get the service you asked for. I should've known better since I've lived an, albeit small, part of my life in a third world country. The worst part of all is that you've literally told me what the problem was, what you wanted and presented me with all the consequences my actions will bear, yet I was still like 'yeah, fuck you dude' Anyways, words can't really reimburse you the grief and emotional tumult I've put you through. I've sent 50$ to your paypal account through friends & family; Let's be friends! Treat yourself and someone you care for nicely. @stevemib once more, completely rude and disrespectful behavior, sorry man, I really got nothing against you. You were just an easy target to spew my hatred upon, you know? In my defense, you still haven't paid your dues @elavmunretea you weren't really affected by it, as far as I can tell, but trolling you for having an opinion isn't really what I want to stand for and the fact that I shamed you for not being a jr.vip? it's just so childish and stupid, so yeah, sorry man. @Reaver I'm gonna be completely honest with you, I don't like you and am in opposition to most of what you posted here. Still, that doesn't give me the right to treat you like trash, if I can't beat you with my arguments, I can just shut the fuck up. So yeah, sorry for being toxic towards you. @proxygo you're weird motherfucker, you know that? that's good my man, becouse I'm too. No sane human spends 4 hours writing his inaugural one year post. Anyways, you got your seniority and you've been holding down a business for over a decade. Me trying to desecrate your reputation just becouse you type a certain way was really childish of me. Sorry for that my man, I respect you for sticking so long with just one thing and becoming a pundit in your respective branch. I've read a lot of reviews from your BSTs and all of them have always pointed out how knowledgeable, eager to help and enthusiastic you are about your vocation. Keep at it! @Xsesonit I'm sorry for trolling you with my content writing service. I mean the funny thing is that it's SOOOOO childish that one can barely see any malignant intention in my actions. It's self-destructive, as in, I've lost more than you have. Fact of the matter, I don't really have any evil intent, it's just that I seem to exhibit behavioral patterns that consistently seem to reflect the actions of an average five year old being handed access to my account info. Anyways, if you're ready to give me another shot, please contact me ASAP! @redarrow I didn't know that you were blind, so yeah, I'm sorry for insulting the way your speech-to-text app works I hope there's no bad blood between us. @The entire crypto section I mean you motherfuckers just want to make some fucking money. Life is tough, the 9-to-5 struggle is real and it's easy to see why some would try and find some sort of solace in something when desperate times are knocking . While I and many others may consider it gambling, at least you can actually win a fucking jackpot with crypto. At least you're not on @mickyfu's affiliate list Sorry for being a dickhead and littering the crypto section with my troll threads, not gonna happen again. I'm sure there's more of you and I'm sorry for not including you, but it's pretty fucking late where I'm from and I can barely hold my eyes open. I guess that I either forgot, suppressed or simply don't recognize the full extent of the pugnacity of my behavior. Either way, forgive me, don't hate, I'm to be pitied- Believe me. Don't waste your anger on me. I'm not worth it. 2018 has bitchslapped me around like a motherfucker, I mean we aren't even at the end of the first quarter and my life has been fundamentally changed in ways I could have NEVER imagined. E V E R Not once, twice. The best thing to take out of all of this? I no longer want to die. I want to live. Experience. Exist. I'm content with my own existence for the first time in ~15 years. How great is that? It's awesome and every day seems to be getting better and better. To wrap things up, let's all crack a cold one from the fridge and enjoy this day to the fullest extent possible! It's going to be a great year you guys, I'll have some new, unseen shit online on BHW in around 3-6 months. I'm very stoked to announce it here and now, let's hope it doesn't become another fluke, ehhh, time will tell. Anyways, much love and peace from yours truly, cheers!