Help me get my stuff together

[zsimpson22]

Listen man...
I was in this same situation a year and a half ago. I broke up with my girlfriend of five years. We lived together and everything down at college. She was the same way though. Pretty jealous and did not really like when I went out. I worked with a good amount of girls, and that upset her.

Im also a daily gym goer. This is going to make me sound like a pussy but in the last few months of being with her, which was when I started questioning things, there was multiple times I went to the parking lot of the gym, and just sat there and fucking bawled like a bitch in my jeep. I would sit there for an hour just contemplating on what the fuck to do. I knew though that I needed to grow as an individual now. It was my time to separate myself and figure things out on my own, because I didnt know who I was quite yet. I was 20. But I loved her alot, and knew she loved me. Not to mention she was very faithful and beautiful. Which is hard enough to find by itself. She came to school where I did, just to be with me a year before that. Her family loved me and my family loved her. So you can see how it was a problem, not knowing what to do. But then I would blow it off and go work out and feel a little bit better.

It wont be easy at first bro, but here is the thing...you gotta reach full potential somehow (this is my goal anyway). And there is absolutely no way to do that when you have even a single thing weighing you down. You're responsible for your happiness and no one else's, until you put a ring on a finger. Its rough, and it might even seem harsh at the time. But you gotta do it. If there is even a question in your mind about her, then she is not the right one.

Her family and me, was pretty much all she had at the time. All her friends had moved off to school somewhere. So it scared me to break up with her, for fear of her being miserable. And she was for a couple months. Or atleast acted like it to me. But fast forward to now, and shes moved back to our hometown, back in college to be a lawyer, with a good paying job, living with her new boyfriend who is a great guy and I happened to know in high school. He makes her super happy. She is happy with him, and now I am happy with all of my free time, as I am still trying to figure out exactly just who I am and what it is I want for my future.

 

[lau281]

I think you could try getting a part-time job. The money probably won't be good, but it will get you out of the house a few days a week. You will be able to meet people your own age and meet new people (depending on the job), plus you will have a little extra income to help you while your build up your IM income.

hmm that sounds like a good idea actually

If she is one of those crazy possessive types, she will find this post and we will never hear from you again.

believe it or not but i do am scared of that yes hahah

I've been in your situation OP and I know it's rough. The best advice I can offer is to organize your schedule to include time each day or week to get out of the house and socialize. Keeping yourself cut off from friends and positive influences will affect you and your ability to succeed in your ventures. I create reasonable schedules for myself to meet daily goals and even on those 14 hour plus days of trying to get something major done I always take a moment to get some fresh air. Taking time to go out with your friends occasionally will keep you motivated and in the right frame of mind to meet and exceed your goals.


As for your girlfriend you might consider having a frank discussion with her regarding her jealous and trust issues. Maybe is she understands her behavior is affecting your mental wellbeing she will try to let go of her personal baggage so it can stop affecting your relationship. If she isn't willing to at least try and establish some middle ground with you then you do need to consider your future with her. You should never be with a person who is not willing to at least try to work out a solution that gives both parties a shot at contentment.


I admit that I am a bit of a homebody myself these days but I do enjoy going out with my friends twice a month or so. My husband is way more social than I am and he goes out with friends more often. Sometimes I go along other times I don't. If it's guys only or girls only we tell each other and if one of us doesn't like it we talk. You and your girlfriend should be able to have a reasonable discussion and if that isn't possible you have to ask yourself how of your happiness are you willing to sacrifice to make this one single person happy. Someone who truly loves you shouldn't want you to do that.

What do you mean with get out the house and socialize? Go to the city or go to ? Yes i noticed that beign cut off from "the world" only messes with your mind after a while..
My GF has been always like this she is very possesive and bosslike but then again when i say i dont want it anymore she dont want to loose me and show her real feelings for me.. She is loyal i know that after all this time i was maybe not the perfect guy always like i did stupid stuff (texting with a other girl) but just because she pushed me so far away that i felt no love anymore when i wanted it..

How would you consider "freedom" in a relationship? What are the do's and the don'ts?

It's hard to get rid of someone who's a big part of your life when you're stuck in a rut, even though you know it's probably the right thing to do. Seems like the writing is on the wall though, get back in touch with your friends before it's too late.


Personally I'd say this: You need a dream, a purpose that's not money. Money can be the way to that dream but it has to be something that will make you happy and give you purpose, that will get you out of bed in the morning, that will give you the resilience to fail, get up and try again (which you will need to - many times). Whether that's creating the freedom to travel, creating a 'real' business or building a company that's going to be bigger than you, not too sound too dramatic here but a lasting legacy.


Your business model, if it can be called that, sounds too hands on. Shoot for residual passive income, that when you've built something it'll sit there earning money with little to no input. For me that's selling real tangible products through organic rankings, just FYI proper keyword research is incredibly powerful, there are so many industries out there that are laughably easy to rank for. That way you're not on the hamster wheel each day thinking about where your next paycheck is going to come from.


But that's just me.

It's hard to get rid of someone who's a big part of your life when you're stuck in a rut, is totaly correct for me i just can't let go because i love her with all my heart but sometimes i feel like where am i going to with my life?

I have / had dreams but every dream i have my parents dissaprove of.. They like get a job and quit dreaming

Shoot for residual passive income, that when you've built something it'll sit there earning money with little to no input. THAT is exactly what i'm aiming for so it creates me freedom to evolve in the things i like without need to worry about is there enough money and then my parents will finally be proud to and leave me more alone

hahaha @ possessive girlfriend. Please tell me she has a job or this story will just be even funnier.

She is still in adult school (same school i'm going to next year haha)

No, I haven't experienced this as I don't get myself into silly situations. My cousin, on the other hand, is going through something similar to you, albeit much worse. His current h̶a̶r̶l̶o̶t̶, I mean girlfriend, has completely transformed his life. Ever since he started dating her last year, he's been kicked out of 4 houses, wrecked 5 cars, been fired from 4 jobs (he stole lottery tickets from one of them), and he currently has a warrant out for his arrest because he got caught stealing a CD from Wal-mart for his girlfriend and skipped out on his court dates to flee to California. There was even one time where he left on vacation for 2 weeks only to find out his girlfriend cheated on him with 4 different guys, 1 of which was his best friend and the other 3 were friends of his as well, yet he took her back. The girl doesn't even work either, and according to some the owners of the houses they stayed in, she just sleeps and complains all day. I can discuss this girl's problems all day and how she isolated my cousin from his family by turning him into an attack dog every time she thinks someone is poking fun at her, or how she doesn't allow him to talk to other girls even though she can talk to men and women, but I'm going to stop right here.


Your girlfriend is clearly preventing you from living the life you want, so I suggest you get rid of her and find other women more like yourself, or better yet, keep her around and keep entertaining us here.

Haha i feel your cousin man same happend to me i'm a totally different person, on some points i improved for the better but on other points i lost who i am sometimes..
And had some pretty fcked up freakouts also smashed some things and so on.. But still i love that girl so much it's like i'm glued to her and she to me..

 

[zsimpson22]

Also forgot to say, I am 21 as well and up until last month, worked as a server at a steakhouse. Sounds kind of odd, but dude, almost everyone who works in those places, especially if you are in a college town, is our age. Most of my friends were people I worked with. That was a huge social tool for me and I met dozens of people that way. Also, you can request your own schedule. Weekends only, weekdays, couple days a week, etc. AND they are almost always hiring. AND they are a chain, so I could move wherever the hell I wanted, and get transferred. Perfect for your situation.

 

[Zwielicht]

Haha i feel your cousin man same happend to me i'm a totally different person, on some points i improved for the better but on other points i lost who i am sometimes..
And had some pretty fcked up freakouts also smashed some things and so on.. But still i love that girl so much it's like i'm glued to her and she to me..

Are you sure you're not my cousin? I swear you sound exactly like him.

Anyway, I'm not going to tell you how to "unglue" yourself from because I have no comprehension of getting attached to anyone in any way, but at the very least you should try talking to her about your problems and explaining your situation to her. Who knows, maybe she'll understand.

 

[Tuff Dreamer]

lol @ the part where she flipped and threw your stuff around. A similar thing happened to one of my neighbors a couple weeks ago. All I heard was screaming and the girl saying,

"I didn't do anything."

She was literally, at the top of her lungs yelling at this poor dude. The cops were called, kid answers the door. Cops intimidate him, kid asks for warrants. 3 or 4 police officers say they don't need one and the dude left in handcuffs. Cops always take the girls side, overwhelming amounts of the time even if they're totally wrong. If she's willing to do that she's probably willing to get physical with you too. These can escalate to court cases, probation...

Jealousy is a terrible thing, also if I may add guys should never be jealous. I had a friend of a friend who really liked this girl who was all out in love with someone else. The friend of a friend and the boyfriend were 100% opposites. One was a party type skater kid and the other was a stoner gamer type. lol I remember the boyfriend going on Facebook, looking at their messages. Telling me he was gonna go fight him (used to be close), how could he want to fuck with their relationship etc.

If a relationship isn't working it's time to move on, drama is like a slow poison. Makes you lose focus, helps grow pessimism, you'll overthink about stuff that would never cross your mind in the first place without it. That stuff is for high school, let the big boys play around without it. It's the people who never grow up, who still have it a part of their lives. Like the girls on Jersey Shore, there's nothing else so they fall on that to give them some excitement.

The wrong girl will ruin you too if you can't deal with it, look at Amber Rose and Kanye. 808's & Heartbreak was literally all about her. An entire album, for an ex-stripper.

 

[Sherb]

Laurence, is that you?

 

[Wilson Grant Fisk]

Some dudes, when they get their first sniff at pussy, actually turn into a pussy.

 

[Comrade Luigi]

The answer to your problem is balance.

Balance your social life and money making pursuits. Set aside some time just for social life and set some aside for IM stuff.

And stick through it. No business related stuff when socializing. And just turn off your phone and log out of all social accounts when doing your money making stuff.

Try it out.

 

[Comrade Luigi]

(accidentally did double post. delete pls)

 

[danelijahbaby]

You can balance it.
but now im new here, i need to learn im from the people. lol HAHAHA