Rate my 7878 letter

[Ztak07]

Hello, XXXX
My name is XXXXXXXX and I am an online reputation management consultant, right here, in [location,state]. I have come across your [] business and see that you have [] negative on the first page of the search results in Google+. These negative reviews are what your potential customers see when they search for your business. In fact, I have done a search and there are [] searches monthly for your business name in the [metro area] area alone. Having a positive reputation online will lead to better conversions, more social sharing from customers and higher placement in the search engines.
In the envelope I have included reviews I pulled from the first page of Google for your business name; this is what potential customers see and tell their friends about. With more than 70% of consumers consulting online reviews before purchasing, your business is hurting from not having 4+ stars on Google+ and Yelp. We know you care about your business and how other people view it online and I strongly believe we can help repair your reputation online.
We have an affordable monthly pricing option that includes 24/7 brand name motoring with daily email reports, we will implement a white label review filtering system that will gather and post only 4 star and above reviews and we will even help promote the software through our search engine optimization expertise. We also offer a one-time negative removal service that will push any link from the first page of any search engine to the second page. I hope you take the time to contact me with any questions that you have.

Any improvements I can make?

 

[tompots]

I would not post that now everyone and there brother will be using it.

 

[stockman]

This is good. Will this process be automated most of the time or do you plan to manually work on it?

 

[sn0rt]

There are a couple of punctuation errors.

I like the letter. It's clean, professional, and to the point.


But you do know that there's been a big hype about fake online reviews and companies providing reputation management services.

There's a thread floating around here, take a look.

 

[VinceC]

I used mail marketing too and I believe it will not convert very good sale if that is what u gonna send out.

1. too long too boring, must straight to the point and hit their nerves in the opening sentence.
Ignore the introduction on the consultant part, clients smell miles away that this is a sale letter.

2. do not bother to tell them what is reputation management about.
as always, if they know, don explain, if they dont, dont bother to explain. clients will know what is good and bad for them, just tell them what you saw in them and in their competitors. The most important things they would like to know is on how you are going to make more sales for them, how your services can benefit their business and what would happened if they dont

3. The owners would likely to throw away the letter when they saw the "pricing option" part.
This I assume is your 1st letter and it is a mistake to list this on the letter. Imagine yourself as a owner, you might be getting tons of sales letter like this in a single day, and you sure do not have the time to read thru all the letter. Your 1st thought will be, "WHAT! another sale letter!!! #$$%^!!!" and the letter ended up in the bin most of the time.

So points to take note. 1. straight to the point telling them what the problem they now facing. 2. if they do not take care of the problem, their competitors might and how it going to affect their biz. 3. arrange a few meet up and show them your portfolio with no obligation.

 

[GigaGorilla]

I like the letter besides a few grammar mistakes. However like Tompots said I think posting it publicly like this is not such a
good idea. So many people could see it and remember those people could not even be members here but just lurkers.

 

[Cogitasoft]

I would not post that now everyone and there brother will be using it.

Agreed. Change the post so that you ask for a pm etc.

 

[Cogitasoft]

Your ranking No1 for the first line of your letter!

 

[jaron002]

you need something in that first or very early in the second line to get the prospects attention IMO.


try...

Hello, XXXX
My name is XXXXXXXX and I am an online reputation management consultant, right here, in [location,state]. A RECENT review states your company is horrible!...

now you have the owners emotions high and you can feed him or her your most important information

 

[smartalex]

I used mail marketing too and I believe it will not convert very good sale if that is what u gonna send out.

1. too long too boring, must straight to the point and hit their nerves in the opening sentence.
Ignore the introduction on the consultant part, clients smell miles away that this is a sale letter.

2. do not bother to tell them what is reputation management about.
as always, if they know, don explain, if they dont, dont bother to explain. clients will know what is good and bad for them, just tell them what you saw in them and in their competitors. The most important things they would like to know is on how you are going to make more sales for them, how your services can benefit their business and what would happened if they dont

3. The owners would likely to throw away the letter when they saw the "pricing option" part.
This I assume is your 1st letter and it is a mistake to list this on the letter. Imagine yourself as a owner, you might be getting tons of sales letter like this in a single day, and you sure do not have the time to read thru all the letter. Your 1st thought will be, "WHAT! another sale letter!!! #$$%^!!!" and the letter ended up in the bin most of the time.

So points to take note. 1. straight to the point telling them what the problem they now facing. 2. if they do not take care of the problem, their competitors might and how it going to affect their biz. 3. arrange a few meet up and show them your portfolio with no obligation.

I agree. However, he will have to split test the letter copy because what works for us might not work for him. So, we have to always split test to see which one gets the optimal result.

I agree with you about pricing option, sales letters must sound helpful not try to sell them something.

For me, the most important objective is to get them to reply - don't use a long copy unless it is about charity. When they reply, it's the first yes to us whether it be a rejection or query. Because you can work from there easier.