Critique my squeeze page

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Smaller header, with bigger image text.

Email box should be on the right, or middle, and where the hell is the giant flashing arrow pointing at the box?
 
You're off to a pretty good start, but since you asked for critique, I will be completely honest.

  • Header needs to be reworked. Make it smaller with either a proper logo or at least a better font. The image to the right needs to be better incorporated if you're going to keep it.
  • Line height on the large red text needs to be increased. For some reason, there's an inline style there but you can see where the lines are running into each other This looks very unprofessional. A margin on the bottom would help separate your content from the headline, too.
  • Take advantage of hover state for the signup button. It makes people want to click and it's a nice touch. Why not use a CSS button instead of an image?
  • Copywriting is pretty weak. There's some awkward phrasing in it ("...and receive a FREE PLAN on what you instantly need to begin doing") and it's not very persuasive. There's also several sentences that aren't even real sentences. Why should I listen to anything you have to say?
  • There's just a lot of weird stuff going on with the HTML code. Random inline styling, empty divs, etc etc. I'm not sure if this is what optimize press normally does or if you broke it somehow but it makes it very hard to edit the appearance of your website easily.
 
natmicon said:
You're off to a pretty good start, but since you asked for critique, I will be completely honest.

  • Header needs to be reworked. Make it smaller with either a proper logo or at least a better font. The image to the right needs to be better incorporated if you're going to keep it.
  • Line height on the large red text needs to be increased. For some reason, there's an inline style there but you can see where the lines are running into each other This looks very unprofessional. A margin on the bottom would help separate your content from the headline, too.
  • Take advantage of hover state for the signup button. It makes people want to click and it's a nice touch. Why not use a CSS button instead of an image?
  • Copywriting is pretty weak. There's some awkward phrasing in it ("...and receive a FREE PLAN on what you instantly need to begin doing") and it's not very persuasive. There's also several sentences that aren't even real sentences. Why should I listen to anything you have to say?
  • There's just a lot of weird stuff going on with the HTML code. Random inline styling, empty divs, etc etc. I'm not sure if this is what optimize press normally does or if you broke it somehow but it makes it very hard to edit the appearance of your website easily.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the feedback everyone.

1.2 suggestions for the header to be smaller. Is that because the focus should be on the opt in box?
2.What's wrong with the font? I just tried to keep it simple. I have no knowledge in web design or HTML. Do you recommend me hiring someone to do my header for me?
3.I had to search hover state to find out what it was haha. That's how clued up I am on the technical side.
4.What do you mean by 'Sentences that aren't even real sentences'? I agree it might not be very persuasive, but I don't feel I have enough credentials to claim I've done anything special despite believing in what I do.
5.In terms of HTML coding, I have no idea. Any problems I had setting it up (mainly with the header) I E-mailed Optimize Press and they sorted it.

Cheers.
 
NufcOnline said:
Thanks for the feedback everyone.

4.What do you mean by 'Sentences that aren't even real sentences'? I agree it might not be very persuasive, but I don't feel I have enough credentials to claim I've done anything special despite believing in what I do.
Click to expand...

First, the title looks really weird, I would say you need more space between the 2 lines.
Now to the text, you need to make it shorter and more accurate to what you are offering.
As for the bullet points, no offense but they SUCK, they need to be changed. You probably have valuable information to offer, but if you don't make the potential subscriber aware of it, you're just wasting your time. So i guess you should change them with more accurate terms, and tell them exactly what they're getting, like instead of "Free plan to show you what you need to start..", you could try "Learn how to build positive habits."
Finally, I would say that the last sentence " To get started...." needs to be shortened as well to something like " Sign up now and receive your free copy"
Good luck, Don't hesitate to PM me if you have other questions.
 
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NufcOnline said:
Thanks for the feedback everyone.

1.2 suggestions for the header to be smaller. Is that because the focus should be on the opt in box?
2.What's wrong with the font? I just tried to keep it simple. I have no knowledge in web design or HTML. Do you recommend me hiring someone to do my header for me?
3.I had to search hover state to find out what it was haha. That's how clued up I am on the technical side.
4.What do you mean by 'Sentences that aren't even real sentences'? I agree it might not be very persuasive, but I don't feel I have enough credentials to claim I've done anything special despite believing in what I do.
5.In terms of HTML coding, I have no idea. Any problems I had setting it up (mainly with the header) I E-mailed Optimize Press and they sorted it.

Cheers.
Click to expand...

I could make a banner for you that's more appealing, add me on skype and ill show you some of my work...

Skype: hatedlol
 
Good start, but not very engaging my friend. I need some brighter graphics telling me to take action. Maybe a better logo/header too
?
 
Not convincing enough, more benefits will make the page more attractive
 
I took all your comments on board and made some changes.

Let me know what you think.

http://www.habitzone.net

P.S Ohhowen I will add you on Skype and consider the header change.

Joe
 
You don't need the header, and work on your copywriting.
 
Animated arrows like that just make your page look like it fell out of the 90s. Ouch!

OK so on to the design... I downloaded an older free version of OptimizePress to see what's going on. Why aren't you using your theme admin panel properly? If you don't, you will get the weird HTML stuff going on and your site won't look as good as it could. You don't need your whole page in <strong>, either. The default template looks really nice so I don't understand how you got from that to this. Scroll down and find the headline options and use the actual headlines from the theme instead of making your own and it will look even better. Maybe you should watch the tutorial videos?
 
Make some more value.

I just went to Clickbank and searched for "habits".

I've found this website thepowerofpositivehabits*com with quite good gravity.
How is it different from your squeeze page?

You have to write more specific benefits for your visitors. Actually, what will I get if I subscribe?
Is it course, ebook, coaching... ? Tell them more and build some value. (better headline, benefits, testimonials that can be made
on fiverr, etc etc)

And.. of course.. include call to action. When I'm creating squeeze pages I put this on the main page: "This offer is available for first 100 only".. or something like this..

Wish you success
 
There's no info on the page as far as what it's about. It just has a picture so I'll assume that it's about bodybuilding?
 
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