i wanted to know some tricks that will get me to the top of f**ing google in one week or less.
First things first, be plausible. A week or less? People take months to rank sites. Chances are if you are asking for "tricks" to get to the top, you don't possess the skills necessary to do that (no offense).
Just read around the forum. one "trick" will not work. you need to combine methods. Trial and error will be your best friend. Not all sites rank the same from the same tactics.
LOL this thread makes me sick