Hoes does this message sounds to you?

[MR.Spuf]

I am running some tests at the moment for a service of mine and want second opinions of how does this message looks to you:

1. Natural, a bit commercial, but natural
2. AI generated


Just reply with 1 or 2, thanks!

 

[SocialMediaNetwork]

a bit commercial, but natural, looks really good! including the amount of followers and followings.

 

[Novus]

2

 

[Vendettta]

I like it, but remove the “I couldnt help but notice”. Change it to “I noticed”. Or “we noticed”. It’s a turn off when you’re a business and clearly trying to act like a normal person. Just act like a business, people generally don’t mind.

 

[Salamouna]

Very long and won't even read it here
So imagine someone on Instagram
Implement better text structure by living empty line between paragraphs and it will look much better

 

[James_walker]

Why don't you create a short and sweet message so that each recipient will read it?

 

[Stellawarrel]

It's an AI generated text.

 

[rocketpr]

Too much, make it shorter. And more human-sounding, def AI.

 

[Tanjiro B]

AI-generated

I don't even want to have a look at this message so someone from Instagram
would not do that too

 

[Univa]

Personally i would skip past it. If you are mass DMing then its all good else i will personalize each message with some flaw or mistakes creator is doing which can catch attention and then pitch the service. But this is gonna take long time also

 

[MR.Spuf]

a bit commercial, but natural, looks really good! including the amount of followers and followings.

Thanks, those are target followers not mine

Good promotion messages,it is well written and pointing on your service to generate leads for conversion with your services.

Thanks

2

I like it, but remove the “I couldnt help but notice”. Change it to “I noticed”. Or “we noticed”. It’s a turn off when you’re a business and clearly trying to act like a normal person. Just act like a business, people generally don’t mind.

I don't have control for the structure

Very long and won't even read it here
So imagine someone on Instagram
Implement better text structure by living empty line between paragraphs and it will look much better

Good point with empty lines

Why don't you create a short and sweet message so that each recipient will read it?

Such as?

It's an AI generated text.

Too much, make it shorter. And more human-sounding, def AI.

Good point

AI-generated

I don't even want to have a look at this message so someone from Instagram
would not do that too

Hmmm, yes they are looking. And clicking, but overall text can be better

Personally i would skip past it. If you are mass DMing then its all good else i will personalize each message with some flaw or mistakes creator is doing which can catch attention and then pitch the service. But this is gonna take long time also

Good point, no, it's not cause I know how to do that in an automatic way.

It's automatic generated by custom bot hooked with open ai api, custom prompt. It makes an assesment of the person's overall profile then it generates a message based on that Also it has custom comments as well. Got a shit ton of leads with different tests and this was a dummy prompt. Need to work on it a bot more and if the message it's too long I can even make it rewrite it shorter. It generates newer custom messages for each target saying something about their profiles. Will start a journey cause I want to develop this thing even further.

Thanks everyone for your replies

 

[Vendettta]

@MR.Spuf
what do you mean you don’t have control for it? Curious

I don't have control for the structure

 

[MR.Spuf]

@MR.Spuf
what do you mean you don’t have control for it? Curious

Well, those are unique DMs generated through Openai API so I just have the automation in place and some advanced prompt engineering and I don't micromanaging the direct messages with checking grammar and so on.

 

[Vendettta]

Well, those are unique DMs generated through Openai API so I just have the automation in place and some advanced prompt engineering and I don't micromanaging the direct messages with checking grammar and so on.

Okay, you asked what to edit though, and I answered. Me and 99% of other people will stop reading after the first sentence cause it sounds like crap.

 

[MR.Spuf]

Okay, you asked what to edit though, and I answered. Me and 99% of other people will stop reading after the first sentence cause it sounds like crap.

I didn't asked what to edit, read again the first post!

 

[Manual Growth]

Yeah its too big and pitchy, a short message should only say you provide a service then you get them on a call or something

 

[unmonv]

There is a lot of people using that