Is it okay to hurt your partner?

BlurryBit said:
Being polite is not a crime/problem though. I can totally feel what op must be going through. Just that I wouldn’t even talk to a girl like that.. But then.. shit happens.
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I understand, but it happened more than one time, the OP got scars ! this should go to police.
 
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Run away now and never look back. I have a lot of experience with women like this.

Just curious though, is she a Latina?

I've dated 2 Latinas now and both were hitters. Starting to wonder if there's a correlation.
 
A short answer is: no, it's absolutely not normal. :/
 
Yes said:
Like someone else said, absolute bullshit. The rationalising you’ve done for domestic abuse is disgusting. So you’re allowed to throw hands because you were angry/scared?
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Within my opinion, trying to logically break down a toxic behaviour is not the same as justifying it. However, I understand how it could have come out this way. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. Let me go a little bit more in depth here:

I stated quite clearly in my original response: "Let me be clear - abuse is not acceptable and yes, you should absolutely do something about it". Perhaps, I thought that many answers already stated how toxic and bad it is, so I felt that parroting the other answers in plain terms will not really give additional value to the thread and more importantly, not provide any additional value to OP. I want to offer a broader perspective. Because as hard as it to truly understand and admit, many of us do: "Good" and "Evil" are complex and faceted topics and breaking down such a complex issue such as human psyche and relationship to one/two-sentence reply is not gonna help anyone. If it did, psychology and philosophy would not exist.

Now, I don't need you to agree with me - but I'd ask you and anyone else to calmly read through my response, not just roll your eyes immediately if you read something that you interpret as something what you don't agree with. I shall give the same respect to you. Trying to attack my persona will lead nowhere except to bad karma to the writer.

You as a human being know very well that there are bad things happening in the world. So, why is it? How can we ever get to the bottom of it, if we refuse to talk about it in more deep terms than just simple "good" and "evil"? Human psyche is extremely complex, love is even more complex. We have tried to figure these things out for several millenia and are seemingly almost nowhere with it. For all the advanves we have made in philosophy, psychology and neuroscience we are seemingly still so far from understanding it.

So why do bad things happen? I for one, do not believe that it's some endemic corruption of humanity that is causing this. If you believe in such things, we have a fundamental difference in our worldview, and will likely never agree on this topic. I respect your right to view the world from your experience nevertheless. Not to go too deep in to psychologic determinism here, it's clear that she is acting out her own pain. Is the acting out happening in a toxic way in this case? YES.

People fundamentally lack self-control. In the lighter forms it comes in simple things: Not being able to keep up with the diet, not sticking with that workout routine, or in context of this forum, having that million-dollar idea that you never get to and keep procrastinating. Very few are willing to admit that (more than often primarily to ourselves) but we are extremely bad in controlling ourselves. In the more sinister and dark ways, that lack of self-control manifests as abuse and violence towards others. To quote Nietzsche here: "The corruption of morals is a consequence of decadence".

So to then reiterate and improve my previous answer to OP a bit:
1. Abuse is not acceptable, and you should not stand still. Because of yourself, but as well as your girlfriend. The longer YOU allow her to do this, the deeper she will fall into that hole of despair and pain, that manifests in such a toxic (and yes, absolutely unaccetable) way. And in terms of you, it can lead to more harsh abuse, which will damage both of you even more.
2. You know your relationship best. None of us can judge your history of who knows how long time and experience by your 1 sentence post.
3. Acknowledge that if you choose to try and help her, it does not make you weak. Acknowledge that you are not a doctor. Couples and individual therapy for both of you - professional help - is the best way to untie these deep knots. Whether that means staying together or realizing you are not a match, is not for me (and not for ANYONE in this thread) to judge.
4. There is no shame in choosing to fight the demon inside her in efforts to help her. Just be smart about it. And there is no shame in letting go, acknowledging that you are not capable of helping her.


We will truly be OK in the end indeed. Existence is magnificently beautiful but the price of existing conciously is to suffer sometimes. It is the modern notion of utopia, the concept of "perfection and happiness" driven by popular culture and social media that makes people think otherwise.

We have suffered mentally, physically and existentially for many, many millenia - and we managed to build a civilization with amazing achievements in arts, science and social development. Every generation sees the world falling apart when they grow old. Yet, we are further than we ever have in equality, honesty and compassion. Perfect? No. But better than 100 years ago, so much better than 500 years ago.
 
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God of Porn said:
Just break up with her if you cant handle her. She needs a dominant men to keep her as a puppy. ( You dont need violence to achieve this, just in bed usually is more than enough) I know it sounds counter intuitive but I have studied womens for a long time.
If you lived in a tier 3 country like me she would never tried to hit you because everything is corrupted here, its a heaven.
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You're wrong my friend. We live in the 3rd tier country as well. But still, that doesn't stop her from hitting me that hard lol
 
Wilson Grant Fisk said:
She needs help, if you are willing to help her find the help and support she needs, then stay with her, but be prepared that she might punch your lights out when you mention it!
Joking aside, you need to leave/separate, no matter how hot, smart, rich she might be, nobody deserves to be treated like this. If she isn't hot, smart, rich, then WTF are you doing with her and taking this shit for?
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Well I admit she is hot, smart and rich. But another thing is, when it comes to dealing with our friends she looks normal but when it comes to me, she can do whatever the fuck she wants even if she tries to kill me that's what she said
 
xReminisce said:
If you truly love someone, you wouldn't be venting out on them much less hurting them, both physically and mentally.
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It's fucked up when people hurt the ones they love, we stand on common ground there. But love isn't some magical force, it's a set of chemicals that fire our brain up in a certain way. And other chemicals and mental illness can easily override those commands and cause horrible and unacceptable behaviour.

For example, if she is suffering from mental illness, it's not as simple. Mild schizophrenia / delusional thoughts are a great example of this. None of us is qualified to make definitive diagnosis here based on the short post of the OP, but this could certainly be a possibility.

I don't need no one to answer this, but do ask yourself: "Have I ever done something to someone I care about that I regret and know I should have not done?". "How did I lack self-control in that situatuon, which now looking back at is NOT how I perceive myself and my value structure?" or even worse "Fuck, again I said this shitty thing to her/him, I told myself I won't do that again" and feel regret and shame in yourself. OPs girlfriend is just one step further. No one wants to admit that to themselves, even more in this public thread, but if we stop for a second, any person can understand how she has fallen into this situation. Which IS NOT the same as approving or accepting the behaviour. Understanding is not approval.

It's quite sad that some members in this thread try to attack my character and flame just because I refuse to instantly judge a person as "evil". I don't know her or OP, have never met her or OP, probably will never meet her or OP. Neither will probably anyone reading this. Yet, you choose to judge someone based on a 1 sentence of post.

I'm sure that very very few have done something as serious as physical violence, but for example said something. Many teens have said to their parents that "they hate them". Many people have threatened to leave their spouses to win an argument with no actual goal of leaving.



It saddens, but doesn't surpise me that many people here are so keen to view love, mental illness and abuse in such a black-and-white way. The greatest minds since the dawn of human history have spent their whole lives investigating and understanding the deep causes that cause such disqusting and toxic behaviour. Yet, many answers here lack awareness to acknowledge that and boil their answers to 1 sentence, "politically correct" answers. It's easier for our brains to categorize things in simple terms to save energy that would otherwise be spend on pondering on these things.

xReminisce said:
No we won't, Nothing is okay in the end.
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That's your nihilistic worldview and subjective opinion speaking. It's as arbitrary (albeit in your subjective reality just as real) as your favorite color. It's your right to have such opinion, but saying that as a fact has about just as much weight as if I presented "Red is the best color and that's it".

It's also very important to point out that at no point has anyone wondered to ask how old are OP and his girlfriend. That plays a large role in even beginning to understand this, as no one in their right mind would judge a 16 to 18-year old with undeveloper prefrontal cortex in the same way as one would judge a 30 year old.
 
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beythegreat2 said:
My girlfriend has been hitting me everytime she's angry. I've got a lot of scars every now and then. Do you think I should break up with her?
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yes . shes not emotionally stable or mature . dont waste your time . i wasted 9 years wih a chick like that wasted all my teen years and my early 20s . was hard to start dating new people to because of hat to
 
beythegreat2 said:
My girlfriend has been hitting me everytime she's angry. I've got a lot of scars every now and then. Do you think I should break up with her?
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i got hit with a cows leg bone i felt like my leg was broken for a few minutes couldnt use it all felt dead and stabbed with a fork all in a matter of seconds crazy chicks will snap then say theiri sorry
 
Setox said:
I don't know if you're trolling or you're serious, but seriously ? WTF happened to men's these days?
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