Josh Saga
Banned - Inappropriate behavior
- Oct 9, 2020
- 576
- 1,698
"Now, speaking of parents and speaking of bullshit, two ideas which aren’t always mutually exclusive, by the way.
I’d like to mention a special kind of bullshit that has taken hold in this country in the last 30 to 40 years.
It’s a form of bullshit that really only can be called child worship.
It’s child worship.
It’s this excessive devotion to children.
I’m talking about today’s professional parents, these obsessive diaper sniffers, who are over-scheduling and over-managing their children and robbing them of their childhoods.
Even the simple act of playing, even the simple act of playing has been taken away from children and put on mommy’s schedule in the form of playdates.
Something that should be spontaneous and free is now being rigidly planned.
When does a kid ever get to sit in the yard with a stick anymore?
You know, just sit there with a fucking stick.
Do today’s kids even know what a stick is?
You sit in the yard with a fucking stick and you dig a fucking hole.
Yeah. And you look at the hole, and you look at the stick, and you have a little fun.
But kids don’t have sticks anymore. I don’t think there are any sticks left. I think they’ve all been recalled because of lead paint.
Who would have thought that one day the manufacturing of sticks would be outsourced to China?
But you know something, a kid shouldn’t be wasting his time with a stick anyway. If he’s 4 years old, he should be home studying for his kindergarten entrance exams.
Do you know about that shit? Oh, they have them now. Yeah..
There are places that have kindergarten entrance exams. The poor little fuck.
The poor little fuck, he can barely locate his dick, you know, and already he’s being pressured to succeed.
Pressured to succeed for the sake of the parents. Isn’t this really just a sophisticated form of child abuse?
And speaking of that, speaking of child abuse. Speaking of child abuse, next stop grade school.
Grade school where he won’t be allowed to play tag because it encourages victimization.
And he won’t be allowed to play dodge ball because it’s exclusionary, and it promotes aggression.
Standing around is still OK. Standing around is still permitted,
but it won’t be for long because sooner or later some kid is going to be standing around,
and his foot will fall asleep, and his parents will sue the school, and it’ll be goodbye fucking standing around.
Now, fortunately, all is not lost.
All is not lost because at least we know that when he does get to play, whatever games he is allowed to play, the child will never lose.
We know he’ll never lose because in today’s America no child ever loses. There are no losers anymore.
Everyone’s a winner, no matter what the game or sport or competition, everybody wins.
Everybody wins. Everybody gets a trophy. No one is a loser.
No child these days ever gets to hear those all-important character building words, “You lost, Bobby. You lost. You’re a loser, Bobby.” They miss out on that.
You know what they tell a kid who lost these days?
“You were the last winner.”
A lot of these kids never get to hear the truth about themselves until they’re in their 20’s when the boss calls them in and says,
“Bobby, clean the shit out of your desk and get the fuck out of here. You’re a loser. Get the fuck out of here.”
Of course, Bobby’s parents can’t understand why he can’t hold a job. In school, he was always on the honor roll.
Well, what they don’t understand, of course, is that in today’s schools, everyone is on the honor roll.
Everyone is on the honor roll because in order to be on the honor roll, all you really need to do is to maintain a body temperature somewhere roughly in the 90’s.
But we shouldn’t be worrying about how he’s doing in school because you know, come summertime, he’ll be off to camp.
Yes, he’ll be off to camp, but not to swim and hike and play softball. No, no, no, no. Today’s child will be sent away to lose weight.
He’ll be sent to fat camp or violin camp or ceramics camp or computer camp or leadership camp, whatever the fuck that is.
Leadership camp. Isn’t that where Hitler went?
You know, uh… Specialized, structured summer camps.
Got to keep the little fucker busy, don’t they?
Got to keep the little fucker busy.
Wouldn’t want him to sneak in a little unstructured time in the woods.
That wouldn’t be any good. God knows he might start jacking off.
Now, all of this stupid bullshit that children have been so crippled by has grown out of something called the self-esteem movement.
The self-esteem movement began in 1970, and I’m happy to say it has been a complete failure because studies have repeatedly shown that having high self-esteem does not improve grades,
does not improve career achievement, it does not even lower the use of alcohol, and it most certainly does not reduce the incidence of violence of any sort because as it turns out,
extremely aggressive, violent people think very highly of themselves.
Imagine that, sociopath’s have high self-esteem. Who woulda thunk, huh? I love when this kind of thing happens.
I love when these politically correct ideas crash and burn and wind up in the shithouse.
Here’s another one that bit the dust.
This practice of playing Mozart during pregnancy so the fetus can hear it. It was supposed to increase intelligence.
It didn’t work. It didn’t work. All it did was sell a lot of CDs and piss off a whole lot of fetuses.
The self-esteem movement revolved around a single notion, the idea, the single idea, that every child is special.
Boy, they said it over and over and over, as if to convince themselves. Every child is special.
And I kept saying fuck you.
Every child is clearly not special.
Did you ever look at one of them? Did you ever take a good close look at one of these fucking kids? They’re goofy. They’re fucking goofy looking.
They’re too small, they’re way too fucking small. They’re malproportioned. Their heads don’t fit their bodies; their arms are too weird and everything.
They can’t walk across the room in a straight line. And when they talk, they talk like they got a mouthful of shit. They’re incomplete, incomplete, unfinished work.
I never give credit for incomplete work. Now, PT Barnum might think they’re special, but not me, I have standards.
But let’s say it’s true. Let’s grant this. I’m in a generous mood. Let’s grant this proposition. Let’s say it’s true as somehow all…every child is special. What about every adult?
Isn’t every adult special, too? And if not, if not then at what age do you go from being special to being not-so-special?
And if every adult is special then that means we’re all special, and the whole idea loses all its fucking meaning.
Here’s another platitude they jam down our throat:
Children are our future. Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual flawless logic.
Children can’t be our future because by the time the future arrives they won’t be children anymore, so blow me.
Yes. As you may have noticed, I always like to present a carefully reasoned argument.
Raising a child is not difficult.
They try to make it into this mysterious, difficult task.
Nothing to it. Easiest thing in the world to raise a kid if you follow the steps.
First step, you take the kid and you put him out on the street corner, and you leave him there.
You come back a week later.
If the kid is still there, you’ve got yourself a stupid fucking kid.
Then you just proceed from that point."
- George Carlin
I’d like to mention a special kind of bullshit that has taken hold in this country in the last 30 to 40 years.
It’s a form of bullshit that really only can be called child worship.
It’s child worship.
It’s this excessive devotion to children.
I’m talking about today’s professional parents, these obsessive diaper sniffers, who are over-scheduling and over-managing their children and robbing them of their childhoods.
Even the simple act of playing, even the simple act of playing has been taken away from children and put on mommy’s schedule in the form of playdates.
Something that should be spontaneous and free is now being rigidly planned.
When does a kid ever get to sit in the yard with a stick anymore?
You know, just sit there with a fucking stick.
Do today’s kids even know what a stick is?
You sit in the yard with a fucking stick and you dig a fucking hole.
Yeah. And you look at the hole, and you look at the stick, and you have a little fun.
But kids don’t have sticks anymore. I don’t think there are any sticks left. I think they’ve all been recalled because of lead paint.
Who would have thought that one day the manufacturing of sticks would be outsourced to China?
But you know something, a kid shouldn’t be wasting his time with a stick anyway. If he’s 4 years old, he should be home studying for his kindergarten entrance exams.
Do you know about that shit? Oh, they have them now. Yeah..
There are places that have kindergarten entrance exams. The poor little fuck.
The poor little fuck, he can barely locate his dick, you know, and already he’s being pressured to succeed.
Pressured to succeed for the sake of the parents. Isn’t this really just a sophisticated form of child abuse?
And speaking of that, speaking of child abuse. Speaking of child abuse, next stop grade school.
Grade school where he won’t be allowed to play tag because it encourages victimization.
And he won’t be allowed to play dodge ball because it’s exclusionary, and it promotes aggression.
Standing around is still OK. Standing around is still permitted,
but it won’t be for long because sooner or later some kid is going to be standing around,
and his foot will fall asleep, and his parents will sue the school, and it’ll be goodbye fucking standing around.
Now, fortunately, all is not lost.
All is not lost because at least we know that when he does get to play, whatever games he is allowed to play, the child will never lose.
We know he’ll never lose because in today’s America no child ever loses. There are no losers anymore.
Everyone’s a winner, no matter what the game or sport or competition, everybody wins.
Everybody wins. Everybody gets a trophy. No one is a loser.
No child these days ever gets to hear those all-important character building words, “You lost, Bobby. You lost. You’re a loser, Bobby.” They miss out on that.
You know what they tell a kid who lost these days?
“You were the last winner.”
A lot of these kids never get to hear the truth about themselves until they’re in their 20’s when the boss calls them in and says,
“Bobby, clean the shit out of your desk and get the fuck out of here. You’re a loser. Get the fuck out of here.”
Of course, Bobby’s parents can’t understand why he can’t hold a job. In school, he was always on the honor roll.
Well, what they don’t understand, of course, is that in today’s schools, everyone is on the honor roll.
Everyone is on the honor roll because in order to be on the honor roll, all you really need to do is to maintain a body temperature somewhere roughly in the 90’s.
But we shouldn’t be worrying about how he’s doing in school because you know, come summertime, he’ll be off to camp.
Yes, he’ll be off to camp, but not to swim and hike and play softball. No, no, no, no. Today’s child will be sent away to lose weight.
He’ll be sent to fat camp or violin camp or ceramics camp or computer camp or leadership camp, whatever the fuck that is.
Leadership camp. Isn’t that where Hitler went?
You know, uh… Specialized, structured summer camps.
Got to keep the little fucker busy, don’t they?
Got to keep the little fucker busy.
Wouldn’t want him to sneak in a little unstructured time in the woods.
That wouldn’t be any good. God knows he might start jacking off.
Now, all of this stupid bullshit that children have been so crippled by has grown out of something called the self-esteem movement.
The self-esteem movement began in 1970, and I’m happy to say it has been a complete failure because studies have repeatedly shown that having high self-esteem does not improve grades,
does not improve career achievement, it does not even lower the use of alcohol, and it most certainly does not reduce the incidence of violence of any sort because as it turns out,
extremely aggressive, violent people think very highly of themselves.
Imagine that, sociopath’s have high self-esteem. Who woulda thunk, huh? I love when this kind of thing happens.
I love when these politically correct ideas crash and burn and wind up in the shithouse.
Here’s another one that bit the dust.
This practice of playing Mozart during pregnancy so the fetus can hear it. It was supposed to increase intelligence.
It didn’t work. It didn’t work. All it did was sell a lot of CDs and piss off a whole lot of fetuses.
The self-esteem movement revolved around a single notion, the idea, the single idea, that every child is special.
Boy, they said it over and over and over, as if to convince themselves. Every child is special.
And I kept saying fuck you.
Every child is clearly not special.
Did you ever look at one of them? Did you ever take a good close look at one of these fucking kids? They’re goofy. They’re fucking goofy looking.
They’re too small, they’re way too fucking small. They’re malproportioned. Their heads don’t fit their bodies; their arms are too weird and everything.
They can’t walk across the room in a straight line. And when they talk, they talk like they got a mouthful of shit. They’re incomplete, incomplete, unfinished work.
I never give credit for incomplete work. Now, PT Barnum might think they’re special, but not me, I have standards.
But let’s say it’s true. Let’s grant this. I’m in a generous mood. Let’s grant this proposition. Let’s say it’s true as somehow all…every child is special. What about every adult?
Isn’t every adult special, too? And if not, if not then at what age do you go from being special to being not-so-special?
And if every adult is special then that means we’re all special, and the whole idea loses all its fucking meaning.
Here’s another platitude they jam down our throat:
Children are our future. Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual flawless logic.
Children can’t be our future because by the time the future arrives they won’t be children anymore, so blow me.
Yes. As you may have noticed, I always like to present a carefully reasoned argument.
Raising a child is not difficult.
They try to make it into this mysterious, difficult task.
Nothing to it. Easiest thing in the world to raise a kid if you follow the steps.
First step, you take the kid and you put him out on the street corner, and you leave him there.
You come back a week later.
If the kid is still there, you’ve got yourself a stupid fucking kid.
Then you just proceed from that point."
- George Carlin