Hello from India bhai
Like Billy Batts on this thread, suicidal thoughts had been a long-time companion until fairly recently, and things are now turning for the better for me.
I'd written a
long answer to a user in a similar position in life:
https://www.blackhatworld.com/seo/m...you-can-change-it.990072/page-5#post-10600145
please look into it, I tried to use my background in economics to give you perspective on money itself; with the right perspective, you're in a position to chart your own path, making full use of your advantages and intelligently bypassing your circumstances.
The short story is that money comes from two sources: labor wage and capital rent. Capital rent comes from having stake in some mass of capital which is rented out in exchange for $. It could be real estate, expensive goods like a video camera or even human capital where you've figured out a process to get something done (e.g. write an article, make a quality video) better / faster / cheaper than others and rent out your services. A "business" - a self-employment type freelancing hustle or a larger establishment - is also capital in a more general sense; you need multiple assets (e.g. one or more of the forms of capital listed above) to operate a business.
But comparing that to knowledge of our situation (because in more ways than one we have been in the same boat, trust me on that), we know buying and renting out property like real estate or expensive goods is not feasible - we don't have the seed money. The only option left is to develop our human capital - a softer form of capital with radical potential for improvement given the vast pool of books / audiobooks / video courses easily availed on the Internet for free with a little bit of curiosity.
But even monetizing new skills takes time, as you need to polish your product to be market-ready while connecting with potential clients and establishing a reputation for delivering quality. So a "business" - any business, any IM pursuit- is like a seed, in that even with watering and sunshine it needs time. The solution is to keep watering, keep nurturing, keep patience. The analogy doesn't hold as well once you've put in your due time and grown one such business; then the knowledge carries over, and you can get projects running that much faster.
But we gotta eat while the tree grows right? The solution for me was teaching tuitions. This is something you really should look into, as your English skills are above average for India - so is mine, which is why I started out teaching just English. This is to "pay the bills" as you put it i.e. just enough to work, eat, sleep and keep improving your knowledge game. You should structure the coming days keeping that order in mind e.g. consistent effort, day in and day out, to learn some monetizable skill or read a book
right after you wake up. That's not a necessity, but that
is a strong recommendation - there's something magical about early mornings and self-improvement work that shoots depression right between the brows. Also exercise - at the start when I had
nothing, I was beating out the pushups; and in retrospect, I wouldn't be here if I hadn't.
For tuitions, look up tuition postings in your city e.g. websites like UrbanPro. Make educational content on Canva, build a feed on social media and use that as your portfolio. Parents are concerned about their children's performance dropping off during this quarantine period; I'm 95% sure that if push came to shove and you reached out to parents via DM with genuine effort, you can find someone to teach for $4 / 2 hours.
But even this is employing a form of human capital I had in possession abundantly - I was leveraging my advantages - and this too took time. If you're really desperate, like looking-for-food kind of desperate, you have to find someone to work for online no matter what. Start by looking into websites like Internshala, the pay isn't too good for a typical content-writing internship but it'll get you started with some Cash and Connections, the two big C's.
Power it out, homie. I've been listening to rapper Divine a lot - listen to songs like Farak, Teesri Manzil, Suede Gully. Single mother background from Mumbai's Dharavi basti,
mere daal me nahi tha tadka had a movie made after him featuring Ranbir Singh (Gully Boy). Moral? Power it out, homie. Push through. You're never the loser until your heart's conceded defeat.