Trying To Brush Up My Writing

[hasan7707]

As I am thinking about digging deep into blogging, I was curious if my writing reads well or not. It would be great if you could rate it out of 10. I'm providing the article below, please let me know about your notions on the matter ^^ Any opinion appreciated.
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Title: Traits of Toxic People

Article:

Sick of sweet-talking others?
Disgusted of living for others?
Wondering how you can break out?


Life is way too short. Stop dejecting it by worshipping others' footsteps. It's high time you unleash your freedom from the bastards - the toxic people - who only gear your towards the pitfall, if not hellfire. They aren't the god of your life. It is time to slap them away for good. Not only because they they slaughter your mental health, they also hammer your cognitive thoughts, leaving your self esteem biting the dust.


Toxic people shadow the reality of your surroundings and paint it with suffocation. These people treat you like their personal property. They squeeze the last drop of positivity out of you. These people's explanations always ends up proven wrong. They rigorously judge others as it's a doorway for hiding own problems. Their empathy for others kiss the rock bottom. They can spit poisonous words on the go - day in and day out. They have sky-high selfishness within, solely focused on their benefit, no second thoughts about harming for gaining own good.

 

[blogzandstuff]

Your writing style needs a complete overhaul. Lots of aggressive words. When writing articles you are writing for others not yourself.
Invest in grammarly

 

[safeSEOboost]

Is English your mother tongue? Imo this type of writing is not appropriate for IM, it is too convoluted. This sounds more like non fictional essay writing.

 

[hasan7707]

Your writing style needs a complete overhaul. Lots of aggressive words. When writing articles you are writing for others not yourself.
Invest in grammarly

Thanks for your constructive feedback.

Mind telling me how the article flows?
Does it read well?
Does it sound native or non-native?

 

[hasan7707]

Is English your mother tongue? Imo this type of writing is not appropriate for IM, it is too convoluted. This sounds more like non fictional essay writing.

No, actually, it's my third language. Thanks for your opinion, mate. I had these 3 things in mind if you don't mind answering them:


Mind telling me how the article flows?
Does it read well?
Does it sound native or non-native?

 

[Panther28]

1 out of 10 dude.

Mind telling me how the article flows?
Does it read well?
Does it sound native or non-native?

It doesn't flow well.
It doesn't read well
It sounds non-native

 

[blogzandstuff]

Thanks for your constructive feedback. I'

Mind telling me how the article flows?
Does it read well?
Does it sound native or non-native?

I found it was negative from the first paragraph, it reads like you are venting anger. Flow wise it would put people off after the first sentence, so they'd leave quickly. Always avoid swearing and words that could be offensive

 

[hasan7707]

1 out of 10 dude.

I see... mind telling me where I'm going wrong with this?

 

[hasan7707]

I found it was negative from the first paragraph, it reads like you are venting anger. Flow wise it would put people off after the first sentence, so they'd leave quickly. Always avoid swearing and words that could be offensive

Noted, thanks a lot, mister.

 

[Panther28]

I see... mind telling me where I'm going wrong with this?

There is my take on the same subject.

Read how everything flows, and I take you on an interesting journey, where you want to read more, and explore as you go along.



"No matter how happy you are with your life, there will always be someone who you meet or know that is not happy with theirs.
We call these people toxic, as they can really drag down your positive outlook, to reach the depths of theirs.

How can you recognize these people?

Well they look the same on the outside as the next person, but you will instantly be able to hear why their attitude is different, from the things they say. They will be down about life in general, and say pessimistic things, about everything to do with life. Now, we are all allowed a bit of pessimism, after all, who could really be happy with the state of the world?

With a toxic person though, they will not only be pessimistic, they will take things further, and possibly even insult any achievements you have. Is this the type of person you want to spend time with, or even share a coffee? Most defiantly not, avoid them at all costs, and your life will be so much happier."


The parts that you would want to rewrite/remove/replace with are:

"Disgusted of living for others?" - very negative, and doesn't go together - (Don't just live, just for the sake of pleasing other people)
"Stop dejecting it by worshipping others' footsteps." - doesn't make sense - (Don't look up to people who have this negative attitude.)
"your freedom from the bastards" - too much swearing - (you will feel a new sense of freedom if you leave these people)
" if not hellfire" - what? - (if not then you will regret it.)
"They aren't the god of your life." - (These people are not in charge of your life, you are)
"slap them away for good.- doesn't make sense - (Remove these people from your life for good.)

 

[hasan7707]

There is my take on the same subject.

Read how everything flows, and I take you on an interesting journey, where you want to read more, and explore as you go along.



"No matter how happy you are with your life, there will always be someone who you meet or know that is not happy with theirs.
We call these people toxic, as they can really drag down your positive outlook, to reach the depths of theirs.

How can you recognize these people?

Well they look the same on the outside as the next person, but you will instantly be able to hear why their attitude is different, from the things they say. They will be down about life in general, and say pessimistic things, about everything to do with life. Now, we are all allowed a bit of pessimism, after all, who could really be happy with the state of the world?

With a toxic person though, they will not only be pessimistic, they will take things further, and possibly even insult any achievements you have. Is this the type of person you want to spend time with, or even share a coffee? Most defiantly not, avoid them at all costs, and your life will be so much happier."


The parts that you would want to rewrite/remove/replace with are:

"Disgusted of living for others?" - very negative, and doesn't go together - (Don't just live, just for the sake of pleasing other people)
"Stop dejecting it by worshipping others' footsteps." - doesn't make sense - (Don't look up to people who have this negative attitude.)
"your freedom from the bastards" - too much swearing - (you will feel a new sense of freedom if you leave these people)
" if not hellfire" - what? - (if not then you will regret it.)
"They aren't the god of your life." - (These people are not in charge of your life, you are)
"slap them away for good.- doesn't make sense - (Remove these people from your life for good.)

Thanks a lot mister for taking the time to leave such a detailed reply. Really appreciated. Will try to work on my craft. Thanks a lot.

 

[blogzandstuff]

Thanks a lot mister for taking the time to leave such a detailed reply. Really appreciated. Will try to work on my craft. Thanks a lot.

You'll get there, it does take practice. Hope you enjoy your writing and the best of luck to you with your project

 

[Soucha]

As I am thinking about digging deep into blogging, I was curious if my writing reads well or not. It would be great if you could rate it out of 10. I'm providing the article below, please let me know about your notions on the matter ^^ Any opinion appreciated.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Life is way too short. Stop dejecting it by worshipping others' footsteps. It's high time you unleash your freedom from the bastards - the toxic people - who only gear your towards the pitfall, if not hellfire. They aren't the god of your life. It is time to slap them away for good. Not only because they they slaughter your mental health, they also hammer your cognitive thoughts, leaving your self esteem biting the dust.


Toxic people shadow the reality of your surroundings and paint it with suffocation. These people treat you like their personal property. They squeeze the last drop of positivity out of you. These people's explanations always ends up proven wrong. They rigorously judge others as it's a doorway for hiding own problems. Their empathy for others kiss the rock bottom. They can spit poisonous words on the go - day in and day out. They have sky-high selfishness within, solely focused on their benefit, no second thoughts about harming for gaining own good.

A quick review:

Your writing style does come off as non-native, and uses some superfluous words.
Sometimes using those types of words works, but it depends on the niche. i.e. writing like that may work for a website about psychics, or a new age spiritual type mess, lol.
Most native English speakers may also find this writing style a bit 'cheesy'.
Regardless though, this does sound non-native.

Additionally, some grammar problems are as follows:

'high time' : If you're going to use a phrase like this, you may want to consider using 'high-time'. instead of 'high time'

'bastards' is a pretty hostile term to native English speakers.....be sure you want to imply that, because that's definitely not rated G, lol.

'Not only because they they slaughter your mental health' : you have 'they' in the sentence twice.

'always ends up proven wrong.' : should be 'always end up proven wrong' or 'always ends up being proven wrong'

'They rigorously judge others as it's a doorway for hiding own problems.' : might want to consider putting a , after 'They rigorously judge others'

'Their empathy for others kiss the rock bottom.' : should be 'Their empathy for others kisses rock bottom' but this phrasing only makes half sense anyway.

'solely focused on their benefit, no second thoughts' : should be 'solely focused on their own benefit, with no second thoughts'
When speaking, it is common to forgo words like the 'with' I added here, but in writing it's a bit necessary.
Alternatively, I believe you could use a ; between them instead of 'with' to designate a sentence that could of ended, but didn't.

 

[hasan7707]

I've taken all of your opinions into consideration and put out another version of the content. I hope you don't mind leaving another review on this mates - @blogzandstuff @safeSEOboost @Panther28 @Soucha

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Are you fed up of pleasing and living for others? The truth is that life is too short to depress yourself because of others -- removing toxic people who only know to bring you down is very essential. As both of you are not to control each others life, stepping away from them is a really smart move. They harm your mental health and cognitive thinking, making you feel worthless and low on self-esteem.

Toxic people spread poison all over your life, isolate you from social life, treat you like personal property, suck out the last drop of positivity from you. Though always acting sure of it, their predictions turn out as wrong as possible. In order to deal with personal problems, they start judging and show no empathy to anyone. They only focus on own benefits because of the fact that they are very selfish. They can harm others for own good without any second thoughts.

 

[safeSEOboost]

As was said it takes practice and you will get there. It is better but does not sound 100% native. Good luck.

 

[blogzandstuff]

I've taken all of your opinions into consideration and put out another version of the content. I hope you don't mind leaving another review on this mates - @blogzandstuff @safeSEOboost @Panther28 @Soucha

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Are you fed up of pleasing and living for others? The truth is that life is too short to depress yourself because of others -- removing toxic people who only know to bring you down is very essential. As both of you are not to control each others life, stepping away from them is a really smart move. They harm your mental health and cognitive thinking, making you feel worthless and low on self-esteem.

Toxic people spread poison all over your life, isolate you from social life, treat you like personal property, suck out the last drop of positivity from you. Though always acting sure of it, their predictions turn out as wrong as possible. In order to deal with personal problems, they start judging and show no empathy to anyone. They only focus on own benefits because of the fact that they are very selfish. They can harm for own good without any second thoughts.

A lot better, if you're serious about writing get grammarly, it's a spell checker, plagiarism checker, word counter and tells you about sentence structure.

 

[hasan7707]

As was said it takes practice and you will get there. It is better but does not sound 100% native. Good luck.

I'm currently inculcating native article styles to improve my writing. Thanks a lot for luck mate.

A lot better, if you're serious about writing get grammarly, it's a spell checker, plagiarism checker, word counter and tells you about sentence structure.

Okay sure, I'll get the grammarly premium soon. Thanks for everything.

 

[blogzandstuff]

I'm currently inculcating native article styles to improve my writing. Thanks a lot for luck mate.



Okay sure, I'll get the grammarly premium soon. Thanks for everything.

You've done the right thing, you've already improved, so keep at it. You'll get there!

 

[Panther28]

I've taken all of your opinions into consideration and put out another version of the content. I hope you don't mind leaving another review on this mates - @blogzandstuff

Same again, its obvious English ins't your first language, but your sentences are a bit better, missing a couple of "their".

You should spend some time reading some good books, you can read self development books, and business/marketing books.

They will give you practice at what it takes to write good English.
This is where I got my writing skills from, I read a ton of books from when I was younger, and they really helped.

 

[blogzandstuff]

I've taken all of your opinions into consideration and put out another version of the content. I hope you don't mind leaving another review on this mates - @blogzandstuff @safeSEOboost @Panther28 @Soucha

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Are you fed up of pleasing and living for others? The truth is that life is too short to depress yourself because of others -- removing toxic people who only know to bring you down is very essential. As both of you are not to control each others life, stepping away from them is a really smart move. They harm your mental health and cognitive thinking, making you feel worthless and low on self-esteem.

Toxic people spread poison all over your life, isolate you from social life, treat you like personal property, suck out the last drop of positivity from you. Though always acting sure of it, their predictions turn out as wrong as possible. In order to deal with personal problems, they start judging and show no empathy to anyone. They only focus on own benefits because of the fact that they are very selfish. They can harm others for own good without any second thoughts.

Something you can try to get grammarly cheaper, it worked for me I got 55% off.
Join free
Upgrade
Go to checkout and add to cart
Click through but don't pay, abandon cart
Wait a couple of days and they'll send you a voucher.
Not saying it's a sure thing, but it worked for me, so maybe worth a try