First few minutes after waking up

[Fragmaster]

I have this problem recently. No, it's not about morning wood. Almost every day, when I wake up, I'm a different person. Usually, it lasts less than 20-30 seconds, I have series of thoughts, deprived of any emotion, subjective goals, or my life "context". As if things I'm supposed to think about aren't loaded in my brain yet. And those thoughts are grim, always something like this :

"my life is actually meaningless on greater scale"
"death is ok"
"humans are bad terrible creatures, but we have mental barriers to accept it as truth"
"humans are just cannibals in the way, exploiting each other"

I'm usually never fucked up in the head. I don't suffer, whine, I'm pragmatic person, seeking for win-win situations daily. Maybe opportunist of a kind, but not in a sick twisted way. I wouldn't accept suffering of others as price for my success.

I talked to few people about it, and among boring expected answers, one answer was how it is state achieved by meditation. I would like to hear some opinions. I'm ok with some troll answers, but don't push it.

 

[RealGibson]

I mean this in all honesty.

I make roughly 10k/month self employed with plenty of potential to make more or less if I keep at my current rate of demotivation. I quit a full time 45hr/week corporate job to work for myself in which I might put in 20 billable hours per work. You would think I'd be happy as a pig in shit, but I'm not. I try to convince myself to get back on the gig because I have built my life around my income. The place I have, 2 cars equaling 105k in value, memberships to local bars and all. If I let my demotivation go any longer, I run the risk of losing customers and everything. I can't figure out why I'm not happy, I can't find motivation to do more... better work that I'm capable of.

I went to see a doctor. She prescribed me a very low dosage (5MG) of some kind of anti-depressant, saying I might suffer mild depression from working at home. She's probably right, but that 5MG isn't doing anything. I've talked with numerous people who agree a small anti-depressant can benefit everyone. Look into it, for yourself. I need her to kick my dose up a little, because sometime I think she's right.

 

[Fragmaster]

Hey, @RealGibson. Thanks for the input. If I start taking any medication, I might build up tolerance or habit. Whatever is wrong with me, it's probably just human nature. As soon as we solve big problems, small problems become big problems. I guess I'm not having any real big problems in life, glitching my brain, my trained problem solver with weird stuff.

 

[A Bryant]

Maybe you are a touch depressed.

 

[Fragmaster]

Maybe you are a touch depressed.

20 seconds of pure objectivity isn't depression. I'm not depressed or unhappy.

 

[BassTrackerBoats]

When was the last time you took a Vacation/Holiday?

 

[Deleted member 657006]

go doctors don't be scared don't be ashamed
very Important .....

you written like your depressed just concerned

 

[Fragmaster]

When was the last time you took a Vacation/Holiday?

Last month. Im actually not under heavy load either, i work less than 20 hours per week.

 

[BassTrackerBoats]

Last month. Im actually not under heavy load either, i work less than 20 hours per week.

I missed by a mile.

 

[Fragmaster]

Maybe thats exactly what fucks me up. My life became too easy, compared to what it used to be.

 

[BassTrackerBoats]

Maybe thats exactly what fucks me up. My life became too easy, compared to what it used to be.

That is actually a good point; many successful people need a challenge to keep the fire burning.

 

[luker2000]

hmmm I wish you all the best with this I don't think its anything abnormal in a human you are just in limbo perhaps? need a challenge need some change or fear in your life perhaps
"small problems become big problems" try create a bigger problem that you have to overcome and you might not sweat the small stuff

Edit: Only just seen reply above but I think @BassTrackerBoats is right

 

[sizz0]

I maybe have some answers about what you can do about it, but don't know exactly what it is you're experiencing. Does it bother you? Else just enjoy and laugh about it every morning.

 

[Deleted member 719276]

I have this problem recently. No, it's not about morning wood. Almost every day, when I wake up, I'm a different person. Usually, it lasts less than 20-30 seconds, I have series of thoughts, deprived of any emotion, subjective goals, or my life "context". As if things I'm supposed to think about aren't loaded in my brain yet. And those thoughts are grim, always something like this :

"my life is actually meaningless on greater scale"
"death is ok"
"humans are bad terrible creatures, but we have mental barriers to accept it as truth"
"humans are just cannibals in the way, exploiting each other"

I'm usually never fucked up in the head. I don't suffer, whine, I'm pragmatic person, seeking for win-win situations daily. Maybe opportunist of a kind, but not in a sick twisted way. I wouldn't accept suffering of others as price for my success.

I talked to few people about it, and among boring expected answers, one answer was how it is state achieved by meditation. I would like to hear some opinions. I'm ok with some troll answers, but don't push it.

Same here sir, but only after a fucked up sleeping schedule. For example when I go to bed at 4am and wake up after 11:00-12:00.
But if I wake up in the morning around 6-7am fully rested after a nice 8h sleep I become a crazy hyperactive dog.

 

[Fragmaster]

I just didn't expect i'll have an existential crisis this early in life. Even if its only 20 seconds.

Thanks everyone.

Sometimes i feel bad because technology is evolving so fast that i can't learn it all. Maybe that's the underlying reason for occasional self-doubts. Idea that there is so much i want to know, but cant really keep up with the world.

 

[MisterF]

Last month. Im actually not under heavy load either, i work less than 20 hours per week.

Seriously consider doing something fruitfal with some of this extra time mate.
Set aside an hour a day to spend with kids ( if you have some ).

Consider going to a homeless / Vets shelter and doing an hour a day there, helping in the kitchen or something like that.

Keep y0urself occupied and your mind active, don't let things slide.

 

[Fragmaster]

Seriously consider doing something fruitfal with some of this extra time mate.
Set aside an hour a day to spend with kids ( if you have some ).

Consider going to a homeless / Vets shelter and doing an hour a day there, helping in the kitchen or something like that.

Keep y0urself occupied and your mind active, don't let things slide.

I like the suggestions. I might just do that.

 

[MisterF]

I mean this in all honesty.

I make roughly 10k/month self employed with plenty of potential to make more or less if I keep at my current rate of demotivation. I quit a full time 45hr/week corporate job to work for myself in which I might put in 20 billable hours per work.

I went to see a doctor. She prescribed me a very low dosage (5MG) of some kind of anti-depressant, saying I might suffer mild depression from working at home. She's probably right, but that 5MG isn't doing anything. I've talked with numerous people who agree a small anti-depressant can benefit everyone. Look into it, for yourself. I need her to kick my dose up a little, because sometime I think she's right.

Although 5mg might not seem much, it depends on the actual pills, as some can become addicitve / cause dependency even on small doseage.
Go back and see your doctor if things don't improve. If need be consider seeing a shrink.

Working from home isn't for everyone, it's so easy to let things blend.
Have a dedicated work area / office, treat it as an off site office, so in there from 9-5 and doing just work related things.

Don't take the work stuff into the dining room etc, keep family time / space as just that.

 

[MisterF]

I like the suggestions. I might just do that.

Seriously do so mate, you'll feel better in yourself and you'll also be helping out other people.

Done it a few times when back in the UK, calling into a coffee shop and see a homeless guy on the street, so get our drinks and even just a hot coffee and a sandwich, really does make the difference to someones day.

 

[Bread]

What's your sleep schedule like? I find if I let myself sleep in until 12-1 I get demotivated and procasternate, but if I wake up 6-7 in the morning (which I find hard) I get that up and go attitude.

Just because you wake up sometimes and don't feel 100% doesn't mean anything is wrong. I wouldn't advise anti depressants, I find drugs make things worse in the long term - But that's just me