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Would anyone be willing to...

Discussion in 'Copywriting & Sales Persuasion' started by yensidtlaw, May 26, 2013.

  1. yensidtlaw

    yensidtlaw Power Member

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    Would anyone be willing to review a script for a video advert I'm having made please? I'm not the best copywriter, but I'm not the worst. I'm not too sure if my call to action is strong enough. I've buttered them up pretty good in the main body though. I'm just looking for an experts advice.

    Any takers? I will PM you.
     
  2. Moosey

    Moosey Senior Member

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    Sure, I can give you a hand.
     
  3. Rokebono

    Rokebono Senior Member

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    Im not an expert but still I can give you a honest opinion.
     
  4. Panther28

    Panther28 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    shoot me if you want.
     
  5. Panther28

    Panther28 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    you should have a complete summery and call to action in 3 sentences.

    The rest of the info you posted should be rewrote to be focused on an actual case study of jess.

    I looked at the whole text, and i'm still not even sure what your selling. I want to see it in the first paragraph. After that my attention is gone anyway.

    You need to split the text with a main features list (4 or 5 main points)

    Something like this:


    Thanks for visiting blah blah blah. Are you looking for a great way to boost your youtube videos? Do you need more hits and subscribers? Well we offer a brand new service that does this and more. Click here to view our our services, and to get the prices.

    If your uploading videos to youtube blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah then small nudge to action.

    Fast turnaround time
    Expert service
    Complete service

    If you want this and more then blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah read jess's case study here blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah then small nudge to action.

    So what are you waiting for? Click the order button and we can get started on your order today.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  6. elance

    elance Newbie

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    I'd be willing