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working with bipolar disorder?

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by h3rmit, Jun 1, 2015.

  1. h3rmit

    h3rmit Newbie

    Oct 30, 2014
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    Hey guys,

    Has any of you ever experienced Bipolar Disorder (if you don't know what this is, just Google it, I can't post links yet)? If you have, how did you cope with this, I mean, were you able to work at all? It varies from person to person, depending on how bad the situation is, but I wanna know that there is somebody out there who's suffered through this and could put his mind into work.. Because for me, it's literally impossible to work, I can't even get simple tasks done, like building a crappy blog or smth. as soon as I start working, I feel an enormous amount of pressure and I don't know where it comes from. Plus - feelings of uneasiness and perfectionism, losing focus all the time.. working for an hour tires me out so much that I can't go on mentally.

    If you have had something similar happen to you, I would love to hear a few words from you, cause it makes impossible for me to live normally. Going to the doctor is not a solution atm, I can't really afford it now, that's why I'm asking it here.

    so, anyone with experience?

  2. BreaknBrix

    BreaknBrix Power Member

    Mar 25, 2014
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    NE US
    Feelings of uneasiness?
    Losing focus?

    Not one of those are a symptom of being bipolar.

    A bunch of psychs diagnosed me with like 6 different psychological disorders when I was younger (GAD, panic disorder, PTSD, SAD, SP, BP, etc) and it took me a degree in psych and about 12 years to decondition my mind from all the bullshit I was told at a young age. It took me that long to realize how utterly stupid most psychologists and psychiatrists are. How quickly they will diagnose people with a problem. How people internalize these labels, then subconsciously use them as an excuse to act or behave a certain way.

    I'm not saying you're not bipolar or don't have problems. I've been to a psychward and have met many many people who were srsly fucked in the head. Guys who'd be clammed up on the floor in crying fits, screaming and yelling then 15 mins later they'd be laughing hysterically. A girl with paranoid schizophrenia who accused me of raping her in her sleep. I saw a lot of mentally ill people.

    Yet even after witnessing the most extreme of the extreme, I still wasn't sold to the explanations and treatments touted by general psychology.

    My only point in saying this is if you think you have a mental disorder, be VERY CAREFUL in what you choose to internalize and believe.

    Sometimes the mind just reacts to stress a certain way, a positive feedback loop is triggered for years and people manage to "slip" out of disorders.

    Other people like John Nash, a paranoid schizo... go on to win noble prizes. They learn to cope with their illness.

    At any rate, there is nothing anyone on here can say that is really gonna help you. I've overcome drug induced psychosis from speed that lasted for years. It damaged my adrenal glands and I was hallucinating and seeing shit for a long time. I somehow went to college every day paranoid out of my fucking mind and I'm still not sure how I did it.

    Other than to say that you just DO what you NEED TO DO.

    That's life in a nutshell. If you're that stressed out, learn some meditation. Learn to control your thoughts. The human mind is phenomenally powerful when trained the right way. And A LOT of people have mental problems. David Lynch, the famous movie director had severe anger outbursts for years. Any shrink would have diagnosed him with IED. He talks about this in detail and how meditating helped him train his mind.

    If you can do something as simple as SIT DOWN and DO NOT THINK, you can technically control your mind.

    And if you can control your mind (you can) then you can control your thoughts, you can gain focus and lots of stability.

    The choice is really up to you. I'm sympathetic towards anyone having a hard time in life. But at the same time, from my life experiences in general.... people are usually very bad at holding themselves accountable, being responsible, and doing what they know they need to do.

    Again, I'm not saying this is you. I'm just trying to challenge what you think and believe about yourself, your life, your skills, your abilities... and what you're truly capable of.

    I don't know a thing about you. But I do know humans are capable of amazing things when they make their minds up to do something. And in your situation, it's obvious that you need to focus on your mental health, naturally controlling your thoughts, your mood, and all that shit much moreso than IM. Cause if you can't sort out your mind you're gonna have the perfect excuse to fail over and over. That will just feed into the negativity and bs. Try to do 1 positive thing that centers you everyday. One thing I love to do is wake up then go for a long run. I push my body as hard as I can. Then I come home, walk to the backyard, sit back on a chair and just stare into the sky. I fall into this weird zen like state. Where it feels so peaceful just to be outside with nature. And sometimes I can get so deep in that zone I completely forget about time. Then I walk back in my house and I feel like god. It's such a calm, serene and grounded feeling. Something I highly suggest you start doing.

    Good luck.

    • Thanks Thanks x 7
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2015
  3. h3rmit

    h3rmit Newbie

    Oct 30, 2014
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    You have no slightest idea how much that post means to me. I couldn't have asked for a better response, thank you bro! I do wonder though, how old are you? I'm 21.

    I'm having other different symptoms that come from low self-esteem, depression, anxiety etc. I've Googled, read, spoke to psychologists and everyone says differently. If I believe what's on the net, I have more than a few disorders, just like you said.

    I'm not hallucinating, I just got to the point where I'm not able to control my thoughts/mind/life anymore. All the negative events add up, then you become depressed and it leads to a lot of disorders.

    I had a job, but they had me quit, cuz I couldn't even complete simple tasks and now I absolutely have to work, that's why I opened this thread.

    Your post inspired me, I know this motivation will be gone in minutes, but I'll come and read this post every morning, so I can get something good out of it.

    Thanks a lot again!
  4. maxedgames

    maxedgames Regular Member

    Jul 30, 2014
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    Canada, Eh
    I have also studied Psychology in university for 2 years (I'm going into 3rd year). I am not studying because I have been diagnosed with anything, but because I find Psychology to be very interesting. Like BreaknBrix said lots of this stuff is 'in your head' if you start thinking you have a disorder your brain will make it seem like you do, your mind is very powerful if you convince yourself you have something your mind will make you believe you do.

    Thank-you BreaknBrix for this absolutely amazing post and taking the time to write it, even if it was for a 'newbie'. Respect.
  5. antsaoo

    antsaoo Supreme Member

    Oct 1, 2008
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    Great post indeed full of good points and solid info.

    I think everyone should read some psychology books to better understand their actions and thoughs.

    Origins of everyday moods, strangers to ourselves power of habits and maybe the now habit would be good. There are great examples of how self control and related stuff works explained trough studies and its easy to get the grasp. Also "the flow" from the guy whose name i don't even try to spell.
  6. jerra

    jerra Regular Member

    Sep 18, 2008
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    Home Page:

    i did PM you but I'm not sure you can return the message.

    Hit me up at jeremy.stephens7 on Skype.