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Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by ill_favors, Jan 15, 2009.

  1. ill_favors

    ill_favors Newbie

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    This made me laugh. #5 is the best.





    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
    Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
    preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most
    women-she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following
    letter from the local Target.


    Dear Mrs. Samsel,
    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
    store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of
    you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr.Samsel, are
    listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
    people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2 : Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at
    5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
    women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
    voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. This caused the
    employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
    Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance,
    causing management to lose time and costing the
    company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms
    on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
    children shoppers he'd invite them in if they woul d bring pillows and
    blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
    crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs
    were called.

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
    mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
    asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
    humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna
    look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
    through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
    assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
    AGAIN!'

    And last, but not least:
    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
    awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
    here.' One of the clerks passed out.
     
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  2. popcrdom29

    popcrdom29 Senior Member

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    Yeah these are pretty funny. I like #'s 3 and 15. lol
     
  3. springer98

    springer98 Regular Member

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    Occupation:
    We doeneeeeed no stinkin' yob!
    Location:
    ZRF
    Holy crap! There are things on that list I never thought of. I'm going to work on getting banned from WalMart. HAH!
     
  4. ddf1980

    ddf1980 Junior Member

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    #13 is f'n funny. I would LOVE to witness that..lmfao
     
  5. jokerLA

    jokerLA BANNED BANNED

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    hahaha some thing to do next time ima go shopping xD
     
  6. coreygeer

    coreygeer BANNED BANNED

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    Yeah, all of these are from a "Things To Do In Wal-Mart" list I found online a long time ago.

    I've done some stupid things in Wal-Mart which might or might not have led to the cops being called when I was 16.. and might or might not have led to me being banned from Springfield, Ohio Wal-Mart.. I miss those simple times.
     
  7. the_demon

    the_demon Jr. Executive VIP

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    that was f'ing halarious... I'll be saving that list for when I get married lol.
     
  8. teague

    teague Junior Member

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    Yea, like Corey, I've seen this before. It's made it's rounds thru emails too. But I do thank you, as it is still funnyier than hell, and gave me a great break.
     
  9. blackhatcatz

    blackhatcatz Power Member

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    crazy hilarious. Tomato juice is a classic! :)