When do you stop giving?

GreenGrass2019

GreenGrass2019

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I have a friend that asks me for money every few months. Problem is I'm currently facing financial problems but he still asks me. How do you stop yourself from giving out money? So far I've tried to help him for like 700usd(not a lot but its like 2 months salary here). I'm a bit exhausted at this point(due to having my own financial issues)
 
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Never borrow other people money.
You´ll not help them.

It´s like you´ve addicted friends which need drugs and you give it to them.
Also not very helpful.

(i dont speak about peanuts, like you´re buying kebap and he also wants one but got no money)
 
Just tell him the truth. He is using the fact that you have a soft corner for your friend. This is not healthy atall. You are not helping him ultimately. You are making him rely on you.
 
GreenGrass2019 said:
I have a friend that asks me for money every few months. Problem is I'm currently facing financial problems but he still asks me. How do you stop yourself from giving out money? So far I've tried to help him for like 700usd(not a lot but its like 2 months salary here). I'm a bit exhausted at this point(due to having my own financial issues)
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Will he ever help you if the situation is reversed?
If not, that's not a friend but a leech.
 
BlurryBit said:
Just tell him the truth. He is using the fact that you have a soft corner for your friend. This is not healthy atall. You are not helping him ultimately. You are making him rely on you.
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Matta28 said:
Help him get a job instead
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It´s mostly about their spendings. Not sure where are you comming from but in my country no one has to be poor.
They decided to be so, cause they have much more (useless) expenses that they need.
(btw beeing jobless they´ve also decided by theirself, everyone can go to work here)
So they´ve to figure out how to save some bucks and not live 0 to 0 every month.
If i support useless expenses its not useful at all. Learned from my lessions.
 
interlogy said:
It´s mostly about their spendings. Not sure where are you comming from but in my country no one has to be poor.
They decided to be so, cause they have much more (useless) expenses that they need.
(btw jobless people they also decided, everyone can go to work here)
So they´ve to figure out how to save some bucks and not live 0 to 0 every month.
If i support useless expenses its not useful at all. Learned from my lessions.
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I'm from Norway. I'm living on my credit card now, since it was two festivals in two weeks in my city. I get my salary next week, so gonna be nice haha
 
xReminisce said:
Will he ever help you if the situation is reversed?
If not, that's not a friend but a leech.
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financially not. I don't think anyone will help me lol

Matta28 said:
Help him get a job instead
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I gave him money actually for supporting his phone and motorcycle to deliver stuff(delivery jobs).
 
GreenGrass2019 said:
I gave him money actually for supporting his phone and motorcycle to deliver stuff(delivery jobs).
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swiggy/zomato? Hmmm then he is atleast trying. I would be a little more supportive in that case. But definitely, not gonna give him money if I have to go to bed empty stomach.
 
GreenGrass2019 said:
financially not. I don't think anyone will help me lol
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Although, with personal experience, asking friends for money is honestly the very last resort, anyone should ever do.
Money destroys nearly all relationships.
But as @interlogy said, his lifestyle expenses needs to be corrected for sure.
Can always start with the smaller things like, instead of spending $50 on takeaway everyday, spend $25 on ingredients and homecook.
Living paycheck to paycheck is both mentally and physically unstable.
 
xReminisce said:
Although, with personal experience, asking friends for money is honestly the very last resort, anyone should ever do.
Money destroys nearly all relationships.
But as @interlogy said, his lifestyle expenses needs to be corrected for sure.
Can always start with the smaller things like, instead of spending $50 on takeaway everyday, spend $25 on ingredients and homecook.
Living paycheck to paycheck is both mentally and physically unstable.
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From what I know he takes money from the social welfare. He has two children so he has been in the red for awhile now after his bike broke down. Yes he tells me he doesn't eat sometimes and just starve the day away until night time then eat like instant noodle or something really cheap.
 
Every relationship is usually a give give take relationship

If you are in a give give give relationship, it likely will not work out.

Always try to spot the red flags early.

Human are recriprocal in general but some humans are snakes by nature. You just need to spot the snakes early.
 
thedorf said:
Has he tried to pay you back anything over the course of these months?
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no
wormsmmc said:
Every relationship is usually a give give take relationship

If you are in a give give give relationship, it likely will not work out.

Always try to spot the red flags early.

Human are recriprocal in general but some humans are snakes by nature. You just need to spot the snakes early.
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Well I seek advice from him usually about some matters he has experience with(car maintenance, land dispute etc). So while he may not give me financially I can get a little more info on some other things in general. Would you say this is still a 3xgive situation?
 
interlogy said:
I would getting nervous without at least 10k on second bank account :suspicious:
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Hahah, I got stocks/index funds, BSU, and other shit, but I prefer not to touch them ;)

But if it was a huge emergency maybe, but I'm not a big spendahh :D
 
GreenGrass2019 said:
no

Well I seek advice from him usually about some matters he has experience with(car maintenance, land dispute etc). So while he may not give me financially I can get a little more info on some other things in general. Would you say this is still a 3xgive situation?
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Not a fixed rule of 3x give

Just a general rule of thumb

If you are giving the $700 and not lending him, and you think you have done your part and he is asking for more (no self awareness)

He is just a red flag, no matter what circumstances it is, he is just manipulating and using you.

If I am in your shoe, I won't even give him another dollar.
 
Matta28 said:
Hahah, I got stocks/index funds, BSU, and other shit, but I prefer not to touch them ;)

But if it was a huge emergency maybe, but I'm not a big spendahh :D
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Same, most is in ETF´s or Crypto invested. But honestly, there has to be some money to has immediately access to.
What ever happen, i not want to payout when i have to, want to decide myself when to payout regarding to the current value. :)
 
Whats wrong with just saying exactly this? "Sorry bro I can't afford it" and not giving any? You are telling the truth and putting the responsibility back on them. Damn, I'm responsible for my cat, but anyone else thinking they get money for nothing from me is in for a shock.

Just like the shopkeeper tomorrow when I confront him for an extra $3 charge for a mouse I bought today, I'll be getting the charge refunded! lol
 
You need to know your limits you can't help everyone, first are your financial problems, if you are able to give a little help but do not exceed is ok, if you tell your friend you can't help him anymore if he is a real friend he will understand, if you receive any type of recrimination that you are not helping him and demand the money better get away because, I helped some firends with some financial problems and they asked me for money and time later they paid back without asking them but $700 is a lot, you already did your part if he still in problems after receiving all that money it means that he is the problem because is spending more than he has, take care of your self even when is hard to say no try to do it, take care of your physical health and mental health.
 
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