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What would you rate this article???

Discussion in 'Blogging' started by TheRallymethod, Oct 16, 2014.

  1. TheRallymethod

    TheRallymethod Junior Member

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    This is just a sample... don't plan on using it. Practicing with some topics. I didn't finish it... However, just want to get someone's feedback.

    I hope I'm not going against rules.


    Here's the article.


    Can money bring you happiness?


    You ever heard the saying "Money can't buy happiness or Money can't buy Love". Most people will argue with the accuracy of that saying and label it as cliche. However, in all reality money cannot buy the authentic versions of happiness or love.


    Millions of us crave for financial freedom with the ability to buy whatever we want, go where ever we want --- when ever we want. Imagine that; sipping on a cocktail (easy on the rocks), laying on a 200 foot Yacht on some beautiful Island with a butler and a maid at your feet... The thought of that excites you doesn't it? While all of those things definitely does bring happiness; what happiness have you brought to yourself? Relying on it to bring you happiness or true love will only set yourself up for failure in the long run. Money isn't meant to buy love or happiness. It's meant to bring comfort and add to your happiness that you've already established without money.



    According to a study; There are more people that's rich and depressed than there is people who are less fortunate and depressed.


    Oh, you think that's bullsh*t right?



    Well, let me break down how this could be 100% accurate.

    When you're less fortunate. You are forced to deal with certain situations, you're more in tune with your inner self, and you become stronger and build character during rough times. You rely on yourself, not money.

    Lets speak as if you became rich today.


    Money grants you the power you never had when you were less fortunate. Some of the things you couldn't handle when you are less fortunate. You will definitely be able get it all handled with a bank transfer, or a check. With enough money; you will attract the women or men of your dreams, the friends that ditched you when you were down will show back up. Buying mom a new house, Dad a new car and giving your family the life they dream of. At this point you feel complete! Your lifestyle has officially changed... You are now experiencing what you feel is true happiness. When a problem occurs; there's nothing a buck can't fix. That will definitely become your new mindset. Your emotions and actions are now controlled by money. You didn't change, Your life did. You are still the insecure person with the same needs and wants before. You have so much to work on within yourself such as; insecurities, emptiness, loneliness and other issues you may be dealing with or may be in denial of. However, you ignore those needs and fulfillment by covering them up with what's in your bank account. You've abandoned yourself and is now living through money.


    To be continued.
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2014
  2. tarunaac

    tarunaac Newbie

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    i think need more attractive title, something like crazy things that will happen if reader get a lot of money instead of a question about happines to the reader
     
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  3. nameless7

    nameless7 Regular Member

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    Your introduction is really not bad, very promising. But the body and conclusion is a little bit weak imo
     
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  4. pradep89

    pradep89 Power Member

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    starting is ok but if you want to write article for blogs than i must suggest you to write attractive subtitle also.
     
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  5. srb888

    srb888 Elite Member

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    Punctuations usage has committed suicide in that article... :(

    and correct usage of Capitals in sentences too...

    You're using the semi-colon when you should be using the comma...
    P.S.:

    Google:
    Capitalization usage
    Rules of capitalization
    Punctuations usage
     
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    Last edited: Oct 17, 2014
  6. c4rtel

    c4rtel Registered Member

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    Many rich people are depressed because they do bad things.

    Money has nothing to do with it.
     
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  7. Conor

    Conor Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Hmm, it's readable, but there are quite a few punctuation errors, grammar issues, and your line spacing is horrible.

    Work the small details, and you should be fine. The article is engaging, which is good.
     
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  8. srb888

    srb888 Elite Member

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    Use lowercase letter after a seicolon and space. Use capital (uppercase) letter in case the word is a proper noun, etc...

    Using semicolon in sentences: Examples:

    Semicolons in Sentences


    • Dad is going bald; his hair is getting thinner and thinner.
    • I really like beef, with mushroom sauce; pasta, with Alfredo sauce; and salad, with French dressing.
    • You should stop eating so much food; you will have to go on a diet.
    • You need new brakes; otherwise you may not be able to stop in time.
    • Star Trek was my favorite television show during the 1960s; in fact, it is my favorite television show of all time.
    • I had a huge meal; however, I am already hungry again.
    • The Christmas ornaments are finally packed away: small, shiny ones; big, bright ones; and the homemade ones.
    • She had self-defense training; consequently she warded off the assailant.
    • We had students from Lima, Peru; Santiago, Chile; and Caracas, Venezuela.
    • We had too many fumbles; we lost the game.
    • I know you don't like broccoli; nevertheless it is very good for you.
    • Michelle drives a Jaguar; Sonya drives a Porsche.
    • I have finished the main course; now I have to make dessert.
    • Spring brings gentle rains and warmer weather; in addition to thunderstorms and hail.
    • She calls it the bathroom; I call it the loo.
    • Mom wants the chores completed; moreover she wants them done properly.
    • I will be there as soon as I finish working; that is a promise I will definitely keep.
    • She didn't see the other car coming; now her car has a huge dent.
    • There is mounting evidence of global warning; of course some people will never believe it.


    ref.:
    Code:
    http://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-colons-and-semicolons-in-sentences.html 
    Learn carefully how a semicolon is used in the above sentences. Also see how a colon, capitals, commas, etc are used in those sentences. Btw, they are compound sentences in which a semicolon makes the reading much easier.


    Especially in this sentence from those examples, learn why the semicolon is used:
    Spring brings gentle rains and warmer weather; in addition to thunderstorms and hail.

    Ask those questions (why, how, where, which, when) to yourself, find the right answers, and you'll know how those punctuations can be used in you articles.

    HTH
     
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    Last edited: Oct 17, 2014
  9. Trepanated

    Trepanated Supreme Member

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    You make a lot of punctuation and grammatical errors. Most of them are basic mistakes though and I think you'd pick them up yourself if you took the time to check your work carefully.

    On a quick read through, I noticed 17 mistakes. There are possibly more, but I deliberately read through quickly so I picked up fairly obvious errors.

    It would be a good exercise to read through the article and see how many of those mistake you can spot - finding them yourself will mean you are more likely to avoid making them in future.

    Writing is mostly about practise - the more you do it the better you get. I know punctuation may seem like a small thing, but good punctuation can be the difference between an article that's easy to read or not.

    One point I would make is on the use of semicolons. They can be difficult to use appropriately and personally I find them distracting. For informal writing I don't like to use them because I feel they can impede the flow for the reader.

    But I stress, that's my own preference. In not using them I know I break some rules, but I'm happy to do that if it makes an article easier to read.
     
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  10. srb888

    srb888 Elite Member

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    Quote:
    When you're less fortunate. You are forced to deal with certain situations,
    Unquote.

    Either make that sentence "When you're less fortunate" a sub-heading, and then begin a new paragraph after it, or replace the period with a comma and continue the rest of the sentence with a lower-case character...
     
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  11. TheRallymethod

    TheRallymethod Junior Member

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    Yeah, I now see those errors.... thanks for your feedback on that.
     
  12. TheRallymethod

    TheRallymethod Junior Member

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    I've just witnessed first hand how having "MONEY" can definitely turn someone into a whole different person. Once the money is gone--- they're back to who they was when they were broke. Money grants POWER...and some people sell their souls for it.
     
  13. baqir14

    baqir14 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    You have mad a lot of grammatical mistakes. I will rate him 5/10.
     
  14. disjohndoe

    disjohndoe Registered Member

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    As people before me pointed out; you have many grammatical errors and your text formatting isn't all that good. But that's how I see it.
     
  15. dzuster

    dzuster Regular Member

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    Listen to this guy. he has a point and good facts.
     
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