The absolute hardest fight for every person in this world is the fight against yourself. The text below is the fruit of my in depth analysis over myself in the past 2 weeks. I know most of you have these problems too, and I will make an attempt to help you out. I came to realize that no matter what I was doing, how hard I was working, how many parties/going outs I missed, I always knew I could achieve more. Much more. However, I didn't knew what to do, and mostly blamed everything/everyone else but myself. No matter how successful you are, most of the time there is something extra you want to do or achieve. This is not the regular journey thread for making money. I already started a war against myself, and believe me - it is way harder than I was expecting it to be. I honestly invested the past 2 weeks into analyzing myself, thinking what was wrong (even though at first nothing seemed to be way out of line). Now let me share with my fellow blackhatters. I hope you enjoy the read. The times when I was most successful in my life was the times when I was feeling really happy. I don't know if many of you have experienced this, but I have. When everything goes the way it is supposed to be, you are really happy. At that point the money doesn't matter, the fame doesn't matter, what other people think of you doesn't matter... the only thing that matters then is that you feel happy, and you are the writer of your own destiny. You have no fears whatsoever. And when you are happy, and you have no fears everything is so easily achievable. So far so good, but I'm no longer this happy person I used to be. And I want my happiness back. Sure, there have been times in my life when I was truly successful at what I was doing which made me really happy. So right now there are many things which are holding me back from this highly emotional happiness. This led me to the question - how to become really happy again, and not worry about anything? Well, it's a very tricky question. The first obvious answer seems to be "make more money, and don't care about anything". Sure, money can help you feel happier, but this is Far Far away from the real answer. For us IMers, money are usually the ultimate goal. The more money, the better we feel - or at least we believe so. The happiness is usually not hidden in the money. Once we achieve the money we dreamed about, we usually don't feel happier (It might sound strange to some of you, but it's true). The true happiness is brought to you when you love what you do, when you have the friends you want, when you have your lifestyle exactly the way you wanted it, when everything is in the correct order, when you have the relationship you want - this is when you will achieve an inner piece with yourself. Of course, if you are poor, and have no money, you probably won't be happy, as there will be the constant fear that you need more money, which will be bringing you down. And this is totally normal, this is the world we live in, you need money in order to have no fears. HOWEVER, as an IMer, working the way you want, eating the way you want, exercising the way you want, and organizing your time the best way will probably lead to success which will therefore make you money. Yup, to all the noobs here - if you are doing things the correct way you will most likely make money, just never go to a war unprepared. So 2 weeks ago I woke up, and I knew something was wrong. Then I suddenly realized I have TONS of fears. I mean TONS, probably more than 10 fears. I don't even know how exactly I reached this conclusion, but I knew I had SO MANY fears. And these fears were separating me from my so desired happiness. After realizing I have a lot of fears, I sat down with the intention to write them down and think of a solution to each of them. So, I wanted to start eating healthier, I wanted to quit smoking, I really wanted to organize my time the best way, I wanted to be more concentrated while I work, I wanted to study harder, yada yada yada... The usual stuff most of us are fighting with. The true realization was that not eating healthier, not organizing my time well, keep on smoking, etc. - all these things were causing a lot of fears inside me. Yup! Without even realizing it, I was living day by day with constant fears of so many things. And logically all these fears are bringing you down, making you uncomfortable with yourself. Some fears are rather small, and others are a big PITA. The fact is that even very small fears are something that makes you feel bad in some way. Their existence is shaking your inner piece, and your happiness. Good, then I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper to write down my fears, and deal with it once and for all. Then I realized some of my fears are now a constant daily habits, which will be very hard to deal with. This was a big problem, I knew that a habit is usually hard to quit, and this might have failed me and therefore ruin my plan. Also, my intentions were to write my top fears, and I was expecting to have like 5-max-10 fears. Truth is that I'm still writing down my fears. If you have a single fear inside you, this is crucially bad for you and for your soul. You won't be able to find inner piece and real happiness if you are having fears for no-matter-what-problem-big-or-small. Anyway, my fears list is now probably longer than 100 entries (yup, one hundred!). At first I was shocked. How was it even possible to live with all these fears? I seriously wrote down everything, such as visiting my father without shaving my face. He is always angry with me when I go to visit him without shaving my face, and he always trashtalks to me about this. Truth is I like myself better when I'm not shaved, and sometimes I'm just too lazy to do it, as I don't like shaving myself. Yes, this is a rather "small" fear that makes my mind think if it is a good idea to go visit my father (and my brother) in case I'm not shaved. Yes, I know this doesn't look like a big deal, but imagining your brain as an OS, this is a bug or a virus that needs to be removed as soon as possible. If you do not remove it, it will start eating your system, and make it slower. So after listing down literally every small, medium or big fear I had 100+ fears. (Please note that I say all of these things are fears, and I truly believe they are. But these are not the usual fears of spiders. Pretty much anything that makes you say "Oh I have to do something about that" OR "That makes me feel bad/uncomfortable" OR "I don't like that, or the way he/she talks to me" OR "I need SOMETHING" should be treated as a fear. All of these problems/issues/bugs are FEARS. They make you live in a constant fear that you need to do something, as it is obviously making you feel bad. Let me say it again, so you can better understand me - All of these FEARS, no matter how big, are making your mind bother for something, which PREVENTS you from being happy. (When you bother about no-matter-what you can't be really happy and achieve inner piece. All you have to do is to just kill all the bugs Makes sense?) Alright, now let's get back to the number of the fears. After my deep approach to list all the fears, I had 100 fears, you might have 5, 50, 100 or even 500. How can you fight with so many fears? I believe most of us have many fears, and we have no idea how to deal with all of them. We need to start working hard, study harder, read more of BHW, read more books, meditate, run, blabla. I was thinking a lot about this, but there is one very simple solution I came up with. Don't deal with all of them. You simply can't deal with all of them at the same time, you have to start from somewhere. One step at a time. This is all you can do. That's right. Unfortunately we can't use our brains like computers and remove 100 viruses with 1 scan, and then click the "remove issues" button. At least we can't do that yet. Therefore the simple solution is to fight each and every fear one by one in a fashion that we can control the situation. After having all of your fears listed, you have to categorize them. Simply write an "A" next to the fears that can't be further delayed, and must be fixed right away (in the next 7 days). Be very realistic, if you screw at this point, you expand your chances to fail big time. Then put a "B" next to the minor problems, and the ones you won't have enough time during the first 7 days when dealing with the "A"s. Give yourself another 7-10 days for the "B's". Then logically put a "C" to the ones that can be postponed in time, but still need to be handled. The main idea here is that once you organize the solutions of your fears, you already have a plan on how to kill them. That means if you put a "C" next to a problem, that means you can not even think about this issue for the next 20 days (depending on how much time you give yourself for each issue). This will be an instant relief for your mind. You have higher priority fears right now that need to be fixed asap, which means there is no need to worry about all of your problems, you are already working to control the situation! And when the times for the C's come, you will kill them, but before that - don't even think about it, you have a plan after all - just follow it! As I previously said some of your fears will be based on habits, which are very hard to be killed and removed in order to achieve this perfect OS. That means you will simply have to brute force it. I have dealt with other habits in the past, and the brute force method seem to be the only well working method. And by brute force I mean BRUTAL FORCE. Just kill the fucking problem, and never look back. For example if you are going out partying way too often, and this bothers you, do not allow yourself to go out just once a week or twice per month. Make it twice per year. If you usually go out twice per week, making yourself to go out once per week is very close to your previous state, which might lead to a fail. Use the BRUTAL FORCE to BRUTALLY Kill the bug. When you see a cockroach at your house you smash it hard with your boot, you don't think twice whether to give it some more time on this planet. For other kind of fears, like mine for my beard and my father - simply clear your mind. For example my decision is to keep on not caring whenever I'm shaved or not, and yesterday when I visited my father again, and he started talking about my beard I told him that I like myself better this way, and there is nothing he can do about it. I know next time I visit him he will start talking again, but I will tell him the same. Sooner than later he will stop, and I know it. And even I know I have cleared my mind on this situation, which makes me not bother about it. Which makes me happier, as I can visit my father and brother any time I want not thinking about whether I'm shaved or not. Think deep. If you think that what I'm saying here makes sense, go take 1 day off and make your fears list. Don't invest 1 hour in the list. Invest 1 day or even 2 days or even more if you have to. Think of every tiny detail that makes your mind bother about anything, then come up with a solution and order the fears in priority order. If it makes you feel bad because your ex works at the retail store down the street- don't go there - simple as that. Don't be afraid to be selfish. It is your happiness and your inner piece on the map here, and you have to understand that. If you are not satisfied with your relation ship - just end it, or work with your wife/girlfriend on fixing the problems. If you think Facebook and Twitter are distracting you - brutally install a plugin to block them on all your browsers. Most of the solutions of your bugs are very simple. Most of our fears have very simple solutions. The main point is to be brutally honest with yourself and actually manage to spot ALL the bugs. Once we do that 50% of our problem is solved. I hope for the few people who will actually read it through the end, this post will be helpful. On my next posts I will write about happiness, work ethics and what to do when we don't earn the money we want to. P.S. This is my theory on the subject. Most part of this came straight out of my mind, and I can't guarantee whether or not this will work. I started clearing my bugs in my brain a few days ago, and I can definitely see a progress already. I will try to update this thread with my progress, but as you can guess this is not the usual daily updated journey as most things are personal, and I don't feel like discussing it here. Also if you are interested on the subject, I'm 100% sure there are whole books about this. Good luck soldiers!