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The great "sales pitch" Disection collection

Discussion in 'Making Money' started by crashed, Oct 9, 2009.

  1. crashed

    crashed Senior Member

    Aug 13, 2008
    Likes Received:
    Behind the VPN...
    Hi Guys, i've been busy with my offline busiensses so not been about much, however for those that remember my threads looking at the pyschology of a method with an example you'll love this thread. I am going to take real sales letters, and disect them right here before we look at what could be changed.

    Now i've not asked permission to start this thread, however I believe BHW is about sharing, and I welcome you to add your own sales letter disections to help build a big massive reference library. I am writing this direct on BHW so please excuse spelling/grammar mistakes.

    Now I am going start with a sales letter the majority of you have read, from our very own Diamond Dave...

    It's an ok title, not great but ok. Many people here are aware Diamond Dave is the owner of the forum, so he has a bit of legitimacy. The target is the Internet Marketer, which BHW is full off. IM'ers are a harder market to sell to, because many are aware of sales techniques etc.

    The start of the title "No Joke!" subcounciously raises the questions what joke? which the second part "I?ve been secretly using this guy to make more money" attempts to answer.

    Now it was ok title, however it would fade in with every other email a IM tends to get every day if it went to Email and not the PM box on here.

    The Message
    A nice grabbing opening "Some of you probably may not know this" implies that we are about to told something that not everyone knows, as well as arousing the natural curiousity of the reader. "but" excites us as here comes the secret.

    "I?ve been secretly working with a coach for almost a year now" here's the secret, is it earth shattering? If you know Diamond Dave is the owner of BHW, and earning $$$$ then it's a staggering secret... and gets us asking why would someone as good as DD need a business coach?

    "to help propel my online business ventures." Are you interested in DD's business ventures?

    Now we kill the excitement at learning a secret that would help our business, and our face is rubbed in the fact that we need to work with him to "take your business to the next level like the ?big boys?."

    We now know that there is an exclusive group, the natural human urge is to belong, and the ego wants to belong to the more exclusive groups.

    Wow! Apparently we have a chance to join the "big boys" through a Secret Society Coaching. And it's for the "Flat Broke", so even we can afford it!

    Our excitement is back, this is one of the oldest tricks in sales for both offline and online. Show someone they have a problem (PAIN) and give them a solution (CURE).

    The first hooks us further "So if you want to find out the secrets to running a real Internet business like the ?big boys?" with 3 points
    - Apparently there are "secrets" that we do not know
    - These secrets are needed for a "real Internet business"
    - These secrets will make us into one of the "big boys"

    "start making consistent sales and commissions each month like I do" - as owner of BHW we have the impression DD is rich, and being honest who wouldn't want to own a community like BHW? This sentence appeals to the human instinct for greed.

    "without paying hundreds of dollars each month" - We are getting something special as we don't have to pay $$$ each month!

    "then get in to Secret Society Coaching now before all the slots fill up." - This increases the urgency, and we start to worry we will miss out because the slots will fill up, and to human's missing out is bad and makes us feel we do not belong.

    Pressure is increased, and we get made to feel special as members of Black Hat World we are getting this for only $7.

    We're told how much competition we have, so more pressure to act fast. And then there is the possibility that the link will "auto expires within hours" and to make it worse the price will then go up so we don't get our special only $7 offer.

    Not only have we got an email saying how good this is, we have a testimonial to read as well.

    Hmmmmmm, now we our natural curiousity is raised again.

    Now once again reminded of the competition, and no one likes losing. This is followed by a final call to action "Get in now -".


    Now I have no idea what the conversions were like for this piece of copy, and I doubt Diamond Dave is going tell us. I used it cuz I felt like writing, and it was sitting in my inbox here unread.

    Now i've had a quick glance through the website (i've not read it entirely), yet it seems it is a $7 7 day trial to a $97 a month membership programme. And the offer is still there so the sales pitch is full of triggers.

    I hope this helps some of you, my gf's just turned up and we're going party so I gotta dash but will rewrite the sales pitch for you guys tommorow.
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