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So lets discuss; What makes a good parent?

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by wannabie, Feb 12, 2012.

  1. wannabie

    wannabie Elite Member

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    Some of you may have seen the thread of the Dad who shot his daughters laptop so thought lets have a decent discussion about what you guys think is a good parent??

    I have two boys, one 7 months and the other is 3 and they maybe a little bit spoilt but they're the most polite boys going (well the 3 year old is)

    Lets discuss
     
  2. agente808

    agente808 Regular Member

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    Having a polite 3yo doesn't mean they will stay that way, lol, you are just starting out :)

    Being a good parent means setting strict boundaries, your child does NOT need another friend, they have plenty of friends, and you're never going to be that cool anyway.

    The biggest mistake I see most american parents make:
    Don't say NO unless you mean it, and if you mean it, don't cave in.
    a lot of parents say "no" when they really mean "maybe" or "I don't care" or "I'm not in the mood" or "later" or "I don't think I should allow you to do that, but I don't really feel strongly about it" and the result is that they say NO all the time, and then cave in all the time. This pretty much teaches kids that the way to get what you want is to be obnoxious, and it works!

    The other thing US parents dont do enough: entrust your child with responsibilities.
    At 3 years old, your child should be able to help you set the table, ask to be excused from the table before getting up, taking their own plate to the sink, putting their shoes away and putting their dirty laundry in the hamper by themselves.

    Remember that it's your responsibility as a parent to forge a functional adult.

    PS: I think the guy in the video did the right thing.
     
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  3. thedon23

    thedon23 Elite Member

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    Personally, I think that if you are a friend to your children, as oppose to a "parent", things generally turn out better. And don't be a hard ass unless there is no other option (as in, your kid really f*cked up haha). :p
     
  4. Envyliciouz

    Envyliciouz BANNED BANNED

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    Hey wannabie.

    I think a parent should "implement" his mentality and his experience. Tell them how hard is to win and how cruel is world. I think a good parent doesn't give everything to his kid, I mean the kid should know how is to work to get something, not just ask and get. And that means to be responsble.

    Sorry for my hilarious english :(
     
  5. wannabie

    wannabie Elite Member

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    Edited your quote to shorten , you should see the state of UK kids and parents ;) not good hence I brought a house away from towns (wont help but might slow trouble down)

    I'm 50/50 on that video, I have just read his facebook wall and not 100% convinced its legit
     
  6. The_Cat_In_The_Hat

    The_Cat_In_The_Hat Registered Member

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    Agreed.

    Whilst I don't believe it's totally staged, with a script and director as such. I do believe that the drama is taken totally out of proportion and the parent allows this to happen.

    A good parent doesn't leave their kids home alone, like in the film that was just on Film4.
     
  7. dumdum4gumgum

    dumdum4gumgum Power Member

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    first step to being a good parent Know whether you want kids yet/ or not!
    If you don't want kids wrap that shit up!

    2nd that child should be at your heal ready to learn. For ex. my 4 year helps me cook dishes even yard work he loves it as long as you make it fun or interesting they will be interested in doing it.

    3rd step praise praise and praise the child for what he does right. Encourage he to be better. For ex my 4 year old plays black ops yes i know but i don't want to hear it age blah blah back to ex while he plays he gets pissed and wants me to play it for him. I say no if i touch that remote ill turn it off you play it figure it out. sure enough he gets passed his problem. so in a up shell guide them don't do it for them.

    4th Respect this is a big thing for me. Kids actually everyone should show the respect to everyone regardless of race, nationality or gender. racism starts with the family. Don't teach it!!

    5th right from wrong teach them and let them learn from real world experience. curiosity is the learning form of a child don't discourage it but teach from it. I may get flamed for this but hey if i say something is hot 3 times and still decide to touch it well lesson learned.
    but imo sheltering a kid from the world is the worst thing to do.
     
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  8. marusia

    marusia Senior Member

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    My daughter just turned 2 years old 2 days ago (10th). Whenever she gets into something that could hurt her, we always told her "no no". Now whenever I ask her anything, her answer is always "nono!" while shaking her head lol. Obviously 2 years old isn't old enough to discipline as far as spanking/corners/etc.

    My nephew however (turning 6 next month), I've helped raise since birth. When I watch him (which is usually at least 2x a week), I will tell him "no" whenever he shouldn't be doing something. His question is always "why?". That's when I think parenting skills kick in. A lot of parents just say something like, "because I said so". I think that answer doesn't do anything to help the matter. I like to explain to him why he shouldn't be doing stuff he shouldn't. I give him answers and talk to him like an adult. So then he has the understanding on why he shouldn't be doing it instead of just thinking I'm a "meanie" for telling him no.

    We have a really kick ass relationship. I don't spank him, I think he's old enough to understand. I punish him by making him stand in the corner. I don't give a damn if we're at home, in a restaurant, in a store...if he acts up, I tell him to stop and tell him why. If he continues, I put him in the corner right then and there. Harsh? Don't care. Spare the rod, spoil the child. I'm not contributing in the upbringing of a heathen. When he is good, I spoil him rotten. I think the balance makes him respect me and know I'm disciplining him out of love, not just some weird power trip some parents seem to have.

    On another note, I absolutely agree with that guy shooting up his daughter's laptop. I would have taken it, broken it, or given it away to someone more needing.
     
  9. wannabie

    wannabie Elite Member

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    The dad is in webdesign aka IT, what a coincidence
     
  10. kirkonpolttaja

    kirkonpolttaja Senior Member

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    Give them your love instead material love, that is way of proper way of bringing up smart kids. Also if you dont bribe them with expensive toys and all that, you will have kids who enjoys being with you when your 55yer old coot.

    I never were given much but i was given love via understanding and stuff like that, now at 22 i enjoy having glass of wine with my parents with my soulpartner.
    I made my dad so proud that he cried a lil when i was listening throat singing and asian war drumming.

    Spiritual attachment to your parents is best thing there is, material cant replace that.
     
  11. GunzZ

    GunzZ Regular Member

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    I never had a normal conversation with my father. He is very strict person and we never talk about any normal stuffs. He always take care for me, but he dont even know me. All he know about me is my name and probably my age. Our conversation is like "Hello, how are you?" - "I am fine", "How is the school?" - "The school is fine too". Well actualy i had some personal troubles, i almost lose my life and i never graduate my college but i paid for a fake certificate and and no one know the truth. Who cares anyway. The busy parents sux.

    Now i am 25 years old, my boy is almost 11 months old and i will never do the same mistakes like my father. The kid dont need just money and toys. He need YOU, your time, your voice and your attention. I will talk with him as much as i can about everything. He have to learn what mean: knowledge, sport, correct food, and work. I will investigate his life about any troubles (because the kidds dont share the problems with their parents). The kid need full control, but most parents are not smart enough to do it correct.
     
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  12. Mutikasa

    Mutikasa Power Member

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    well, I don't have any kids, but would like to share some of my observations.
    The usual thing I noticed in parents is they expect kids to reason like an adult and they get in verbal fights with kids like they're on the same level. "Why did u do that?" is one question that little kids can't truly answer. They do things because it is in their nature, especially breaking toys. I've never seen any kid that didn't break his toy. They do that out of curiosity and it's great part of learning process, but to expect them to understand the material value of the toy and what's worse, to expect them to think that breaking toy which you bought for him, it is his toy now, is bad while for the kid is as natural as eating is nothing but a blindness caused by parent's parents and so on.
    I do not dare to tell anyone how to raise their kids, but I honestly think that they should have at least one room where they can do whatever they want, paint on the walls, break things etc.
    Thing is, kids learn far better than we do and we cant compete with them, but we have the experience to guide them and mature love to truly listen them. Too much restrictions can only block their progress because we simply cannot comprehend how much they can develop in three months, that's their own world and they should be the masters of their own world because I believe that on some instinctive, intuitional level kids know what's good for them, but they need our protection, guidance and mature love.
     
  13. agente808

    agente808 Regular Member

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    of course you think that, you don't have kids and you are still pretty young yourself, wait 10 years :)

    Most 1st world countries have similar problems - the parents don't usually have time for their kids.
    Even if the video is staged - it makes a good point, although even better would have been to make the kid donate it to charity (as another poster pointed out)

    Good point. A VERY important part of this that most people seem to forget is that teaching a child to be respectful, means that you need to be respectful to the child as well - remember they are imitating you, not learning from what you say. I see so many parents yank their kids around and say really horrible things to them, but if the kid talked or acted like that, they'd be horrified.
    Being respectful to them also teaches them to respect themselves.

    Making the kid give it away to someone needy would have been a pretty powerful lesson, good idea ;)

    Sooooooo many parents forget that in the end, the kids don't care about the toys (which they only play with for a little while before forgetting anyway) - it's the attention they really want and need

    That's totally right - don't wait for your kids to be brave enough to tell you and don't try to get them to be your "friend" so they tell you - they WANT you to find out what they are up to and set them straight. Give them the reigns, but pay attention to what they are doing.

    Obviously, it's not practical for most people, but I was able to give my kids a rec room and let them destroy it (and make them clean it every once in a while). It's actually very relaxing as a parent to have a space that you don't have to stress if they make a mess, just close the door. Eventually it teaches them to appreciate neatness as well (like when they can't find a toy) :)
     
  14. daddyfish58

    daddyfish58 Registered Member

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    I have afriend who teaches at an alternative high school for troubled kids and the thing that all of them have in common is no father figure. I dont know about having rules and stuff like that, my parents let us be who we were and as long we got good grades and teated people with respect there werent a lot of other rules. I coached all my kids in baseball and basketball, went to all their games and activities for the most part. even go to cub scouts with youngest. 2 oldest are on honor roll and in high school sports and I really have few issues with them. Coincidence? Parental involvement is the key. Even when I got divorced the most important thing was my relationship with them and it is still good to this day.
     
  15. Roparadise

    Roparadise BANNED BANNED

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    When I have kids I would let them do whatever they want to do,unless I live in a place where I am legally liable for any criminal activities they decide to carry out. If I do live in a place like that I will be somewhat strict,but not a over controlling manaic like the guy in the video.
     
  16. souldemon

    souldemon Registered Member

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    There was a famous behavioral psychologist that stated, you give me a child and I can turn him into a doctor, musician, or criminal. As a parent we have the abilties to mold the environment of our children. We can enrich their experiences or completely limit their potential. I trully don't believe in upbringing children in a draconian style environment but you must show children that must earn their priveleges. That's why I think weekly allowance for children only helps them increase the likelihood of them creating a sense of self-entitlement that we so much with todays younger population.
     
  17. kirkonpolttaja

    kirkonpolttaja Senior Member

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    There has been few articles in these days about "lost parenthood" meaning that parents think too much about outsourcing growing their childs like leaving kids into kindergarden eventough parents would have time for the kid.
     
  18. LBrown

    LBrown Senior Member

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    Every day purposefully be the kind of person that you want your child to grow up to be. We all end up like our parents anyway. If you want your children to be disciplined and understand structure, live a well structured life. If you want your kids to be happy then you need to enjoy life and enjoy their life with them. If you're a well rounded, balanced person, you're kids will be too. If you are messing up your life with your bad habits and lifestyles choices, you are messing up your kids too. If you live an exceptional life, your kids will grow up and expect their lives to be exceptional, and they will create an exceptional life for themselves.
     
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  19. Patel

    Patel Senior Member

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    Raising kids is no different than training a dog. You have to discipline them while their young because their brains are like sponges. Just my opinion.
     
  20. Roparadise

    Roparadise BANNED BANNED

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    It seems like it would be easier to hire a nanny if you have the money,and if she is hot you can also hookup with her,when your wife is out of town. Thats the blackhat way to raising your children.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2012