Pro tip for sun bathers

I love this thread. This is why off topic rocks. Techxan tops this thread by far, but Nigel is surely close to beat him. No doubt there

Im going to beat all you guys. By taking a bath witha tub full of man o wars.

Roparadise said:

Im going to beat all you guys. By taking a bath witha tub full of man o wars.

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Hmm.. I'm already feeling sorry for all those other men in the tub... lol

I dont get it ... how did u get ur balls sunburned if you had boxers ON?! They would be covered right!?

all my seaside experiences were pleasant. Once though there was this hot babe topless near my spot. Got a hardon. Had to stay there laying on my belly for a looong time and it wouldnt go away and couldnt get up bc my dick would get out of my shorts and i would feel embarassed and all. Can't say it was too horrible though

Where can a guy go in the u.s. and suntan with a thong on without getting in trouble? The closest beach is in Mississippi but idk if they allow men to wear thongs or not.

Nigel Farage said:

While swimming in the surf in Mexico, I had a man-of-war come in on a wave and flop over my left shoulder. Instinctively I reached up with my right hand and grabbed it to throw it off. HUGE mistake. Pieces of it's tentacles were ripped off and stuck between my fingers. The pain was white-hot, and lasted for hours. At first, I thought I was going to die. Everyone around me wanted to pee on me. They said it would help the pain go away.

Can you imagine, laying on a beach in Mexico, writhing in agony and surrounded by a crowd of well-intentioned strangers offering to pee on you? Men kept pointing at their crotches, then pointing at my arm. Crotch, arm. Crotch, arm. Smiling and nodding, "Yes, yes. We pee on you. Yes?" Some fat old woman with a wrinkled belly hanging over her bikini was looking down at me, looking hopeful, and wanting to be helpful. Her black spirally pubic hairs were hanging out of her pink bikini crotch, like someone had stuffed a dead rat in there. She had bright red spots all over the area, where the dull razor had cut the heads off of some pimples. The man next to her kept point at her crotch, smiling at me, and nodding. I think it was her son.

I've never gone to Mexico, nor have I set foot in the ocean, ever since.

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I am laughing so hard right now and I can't breathe. LOL

madoctopus said:

I dont get it ... how did u get ur balls sunburned if you had boxers ON?! They would be covered right!?

all my seaside experiences were pleasant. Once though there was this hot babe topless near my spot. Got a hardon. Had to stay there laying on my belly for a looong time and it wouldnt go away and couldnt get up bc my dick would get out of my shorts and i would feel embarassed and all. Can't say it was too horrible though

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Shit drops out son

Nigel Farage said:

While swimming in the surf in Mexico, I had a man-of-war come in on a wave and flop over my left shoulder. Instinctively I reached up with my right hand and grabbed it to throw it off. HUGE mistake. Pieces of it's tentacles were ripped off and stuck between my fingers. The pain was white-hot, and lasted for hours. At first, I thought I was going to die. Everyone around me wanted to pee on me. They said it would help the pain go away.

Can you imagine, laying on a beach in Mexico, writhing in agony and surrounded by a crowd of well-intentioned strangers offering to pee on you? Men kept pointing at their crotches, then pointing at my arm. Crotch, arm. Crotch, arm. Smiling and nodding, "Yes, yes. We pee on you. Yes?" Some fat old woman with a wrinkled belly hanging over her bikini was looking down at me, looking hopeful, and wanting to be helpful. Her black spirally pubic hairs were hanging out of her pink bikini crotch, like someone had stuffed a dead rat in there. She had bright red spots all over the area, where the dull razor had cut the heads off of some pimples. The man next to her kept point at her crotch, smiling at me, and nodding. I think it was her son.

I've never gone to Mexico, nor have I set foot in the ocean, ever since.

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Why "P" when the "C" was so close to you? Those guys over there can be so handful sometimes! lol

But great observation skill and photographic memory you have, btw! Yeh, can say that you've an eye (two, actually) to notice and a brain to absorb great details even under greatest distress that can befall on any person, a man, hmm... a man, especially!

That woman too... she chose the right time and the right man, of all people on that beach, to bend over... and display her -- err, great concern for your life!



P.S.:

And she was loaded with life-saving equipment too for the moment! If you'd died of that pain or whatever, a whiff of that dead rat would definitely have brought you right back to your senses, anyway! lol


P.P.S.:
jk!





_______________________________________________

Mother Nature's ways are mysterious indeed! When one is under a peculiar and life-threatening condition, it will mysteriously send over the right thing or person that would be just right to save!

That strange woman was sent likewise for real action, so rejoice that Mother Nature loves you so much! Even got her freshly (rather clumsily, but very understandable) shaved, just -- just for youuuu...


hahahahahaha



.

** sorry for double post **

take some sour cream and cover you balls with it
i am not kidding
it works really well with burns and such stuff. always helped me alot)

Ste Hughes said:

Don't sun bathe in your boxers

I now have sunburnt bollocks, worse experience of my life.

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your boxers are too small

abrigado said:

your boxers are too small

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Or, where were you wearing it?

Hmm... it's the best form of Alliteration I've ever written! :hitit:

The worst thing that happened to me that involved my bollocks, is when i was using nair and actually got some on, but didnt' realise it and then after 10 minutes it started burning like crazy. It took like 2 weeks for the pain to go away.

Well I never got the jewels burnt but did have a vasectomy a while back. Everyone told me it's no big deal. Get it done and go right back to work - blah blah blah. So much easier for guys than girls; on and on with the stories. So I finally go and of course it's a girl Doctor. She starts off with this might sting a little as she gives me the first shot in the balls. OMG. It couldn't numb fast enough. She gets busy doing some cutting and burning. Then when I think I'm done. She gives me another shot on the other side. OMG.

Finally I get out of there and thought well the worst of it's over. Headed home and about 2 hrs later the medication wore off. OMG - it felt like someone kicked me right in the balls and the pain wouldn't stop. Then I remembered the Doctor saying "if there is any discomfort" to get a bag of ice. WTF if any discomfort. I sat there with a bag on my balls for like 3 days. I can't tell you how many pain pills I took. Finally after the 3 day the pain was manageable (mild kick in the balls).

Finally I get somewhat healed up and go for a follow up and they asked if I brought a semen sample. Well, uh no. No problem just go to the restroom and get one for us. I was like are you serious? They didn't even break a smile like they were asking for a pee sample. They said well of course, how will we know if the operation was successful unless we get a sample. There's some magazines in the rack if you need some help. See you in a bit.

Needless to say when I hear about how easy it is for a guy to get a vasectomy I want to scream. Maybe I just had a hack of a doctor but seriously I don't recommend the experience for anyone.

Why would you get a vasectomy? You might has well just get your balls removed, so you won't feel any pain. And while your at it, might as well just remove your penis since you don't need it anymore.

lol! Sorry KVM...

Well, you should have taken a video of it all... from mid to face. Your screams and the Dr.'s 'brutality' could have fetched you a nice little compensation package from the court! You could have also put the video on YT so that others would know what's involved...

Sorry, bud... you took those two shots and endured the hell-fire and got the sins of all mankind forgiven! Holy are you now, in deed...

Thanks, man!

Roparadise said:

Why would you get a vasectomy? You might has well just get your balls removed, so you won't feel any pain. And while your at it, might as well just remove your penis since you don't need it anymore.

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Oh! You're giving him a bigger pain with your level10 harshness...

OMFG vasectomy?!?!?!?! really? but WHY? Why would you do such a thing to your loved ones? I barely let a dentist mess around with an already fucked up tooth but letting somebody with a sharp object around my balls is an absolute NO! Most dangerous thing I ever done to my balls was to shave them. The things a man does to have his balls licked... amazing.

madoctopus said:

OMFG vasectomy?!?!?!?! really? but WHY? Why would you do such a thing to your loved ones? I barely let a dentist mess around with an already fucked up tooth but letting somebody with a sharp object around my balls is an absolute NO! Most dangerous thing I ever done to my balls was to shave them. The things a man does to have his balls licked... amazing.

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IF you use an electric razor, it wont cut you.

madoctopus said:

OMFG vasectomy?!?!?!?! really? but WHY? Why would you do such a thing to your loved ones? I barely let a dentist mess around with an already fucked up tooth but letting somebody with a sharp object around my balls is an absolute NO! Most dangerous thing I ever done to my balls was to shave them. The things a man does to have his balls licked... amazing.

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WAY TMI !!!

:lalala:

Roparadise said:

IF you use an electric razor, it wont cut you.

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STOP encouraging him !!!