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Please critique my article

Discussion in 'Associated Content & Writing Articles' started by -Jordan-, Jul 15, 2012.

  1. -Jordan-

    -Jordan- Registered Member

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    Hello. I have written a sample article to display my current skills. Could you please evaluate it and offer some suggestions? Does it conform to the current standards in the marketplace or must I modify some aspects of the article?

    The image is posted below.

    View attachment iRpB6X0X5MMAE.bmp

    Thank you.
     
  2. krishnaverma

    krishnaverma Power Member

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    I liked the article. Are you planning to sell your services here ?
     
  3. zoyaraymonds

    zoyaraymonds Regular Member

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    nice article buddy...
     
  4. maxok

    maxok Power Member

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    great job mate ;)
     
  5. -Jordan-

    -Jordan- Registered Member

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    Thank you all for critiquing my articles. I intend on selling my service in the near future.
     
  6. ButcherPete

    ButcherPete Regular Member

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    - The words in the title should be capitalized ("Is Coffee Detrimental to Your Weight Loss?")

    - There are several places where it looks like you forgot spaces between words, although I can't tell if they're really missing a space or if the image is just a little distorted due to the BMP format.

    - Second sentence says "everyone worker drank it" Should be changed to either "everyone drank it" or "every worker drank it"

    - I think the first sentence of the second paragraph sounds a little awkward. I would suggest changing it to "However, in the 1970s, three men were destined to change all of this."

    - First sentence of the third paragraph sounds a little wonky with the words "coffee shops" in there twice. Maybe change it to something like "Suddenly, the concept of coffee shops was changed drastically."

    - I think you should lose the exclamation mark at the end of the second header. It just looks a little unprofessional.

    Rest of it looks fine... Good luck!
     
  7. blackamp

    blackamp Newbie

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    Looks good mate. Better than my quick brushy articles, haha. Enough for front or second pagers.
     
  8. poweronics

    poweronics Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    The article seems fine overall. Try to play on words in a more professional way.
     
  9. -Jordan-

    -Jordan- Registered Member

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    Thank you for the suggestions. I must ensure that my proofreading is improved.

    Thank you. I will attempt to incorporate this in my future articles.
     
  10. peerless2acme

    peerless2acme BANNED BANNED

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    Hi mate,

    As I start my review on the article, I would like to point out that I would present both positive and negative aspects of the article, as it will help you in the longer run.

    Initially, I will start with positive aspects of the article.

    1) Sub-Headings: When I began content writing, my trainer used to remind me to add couple of sub-headings in each article because it increases the value of the article and above all, it makes the article an easy read.

    2) Informative: I must praise you for adding the first para in the article. It may seem obnoxious at the first glance but if you read the article carefully, then the para seems to be perfectly placed. It has made the article look informative.

    Now let's talk about negative aspects of this article.

    1) Grammatical Flaws: I could easily notice at least 5-6 grammatical flaws in the article. If you want to see yourself as a professional writer, then such mistakes are to be avoided at all times. For instance, " everyone worker drank it as a short" or " there are several herbal teas on the market" etc. Such mistakes are a strict "NO". You need to avoid these mistakes because they leave a negative impact on the reader.

    2) Proofreading: This article lacks proofreading. Had you proofread the article, then I would not have mentioned the point No. 1. It's the responsibility of every writer to proofread the article after it's completion.

    PS: I don't have anything against you, so please don't take the review negatively. I hope you'll keep improving and write high quality articles in the near future. Cheers. All the best.
     
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  11. seema ladsaria

    seema ladsaria Newbie

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    You're a good writer Jordan. I wish you keep writing and try taking out pointers from what Peerless2acme has told.
     
  12. thakarpratik

    thakarpratik Power Member

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    Article Looks good, no grammatical errors of any kind, like the structure
     
  13. Hardyrulz

    Hardyrulz BANNED BANNED

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    Are you sure? Did you read the article before stating that there's no grammatical flaw? I am not trying to demean you but friend at least take some time to read the article before making such comments. @OP no disrespect to you mate. :)
     
  14. maverick469

    maverick469 Newbie

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    Agree with peerless2acme. Proofreading should help you auto-correct most of the mistakes. And a more professional tone wouldn't hurt. Apart from that, you're good to go.

    peerless2acme, I had to take a second look at your name. At first, I saw it to be "acne".
     
  15. peerless2acme

    peerless2acme BANNED BANNED

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    LOL :) Yeah, some people do confuse it to Acne but since "Acme" truly has a great meaning so I would love sticking to this name. :)
     
  16. new_dude

    new_dude Newbie

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    My two cents is that sentences are too short, lots of short paragraphs and that's where they loose connection between each other.

    I suggest You to think of that next paragraph will be while writing the current one to have a flawless connection between them.

    Dont make the article just a bunch of sentences put in together in an acceptable order. Write a story.

    And again - just my 2 cents.
     
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  17. Girardot

    Girardot Newbie

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    The first thing I've noticed is that you need to proofread. As mentioned above, capitalize the letters. You already noted that your proofreading has improved, so I won't bother to preach. Just know that grammar, syntax, capitalization, etc. are all what is first noticed (or at least from what I've seen), and so it's like a "first impression" of your article.

    Which is the same with the opening paragraph. Keep it interesting. Even if the topic is dumb as all hell and you couldn't care less about it, pretend you do. Act while you write. I've written SEO articles about hair loss and I'm an eighteen year old girl.. clearly no interest, but you have to make it engaging to read. Remember that these articles may be for niche audiences, but those audiences are very interested in what they're researching. Give them what they're looking for.

    You have the framework all here, but it just seems forced, like you added on extra sentences in order to meet a word limit. "many bloggers went to their local Starbucks to write a blog post while sipping on their coffee." That wasn't pleasant to read. Maybe something like, "With the popularization of the internet, coffee shops like Starbucks became a hit for writers looking to relax and sip on coffee while they worked." Not exactly like that, obviously, but try to make it engaging. Also, try to use words that make people want to use something. i.e. in my revised statement, there are words like "hit," "relax," etc. Words like that make people say, "Oh! Hm, that sounds cool." Think psychologically. It's helped me out a lot.

    And do not do not DO NOT use "I." NO first person. None. Nada. I don't know if anyone mentioned it, but I'm just going to stress it anyway. No first person. Ever. You can come up with another way to word it. Third or second person, depending on what is preferred. "How Can I Stop This?" No. Even in this context, no "I." Try: "How Can This Be Stopped?"

    Coffee can act as a diuretic. I thought.. diuretics were meant to make you go to the bathroom more, in which case your fluids are increased because you have to go all the time? I may be wrong here, though, so you can disregard this.

    Also, "making you fatter!" No. Do not insult your reader. Find a nice way to say it. "making you susceptible to more calories than your body is in need of" is a much more pleasant way of saying that.

    I don't mean any offense in anything I've said. I sincerely wish you the best of luck and may your writing skills prosper. :)
     
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  18. SnowWar

    SnowWar Power Member

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    Your article is good and full of information. You can try to have some clients who will buy your articles. Try to contact with them.
     
  19. qwerty00

    qwerty00 Newbie

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    looks good and in-depth to me