Opinions on my article writing!

Hey!

I have been hanging around on BHW for a couple of years, reading and learning as much as I can about IM.
It is only recently that I actually have taken action and started working on my first project.

I have a site which is more or less complete layout-wise. Now I'm on to the article writing, which (i think) has proven to he a bit hard for me.
(english is not my mainlanguage)

I would appreciate any tips and opinions on how i can improve my writing in itself, but also the approach of the article!

Im cant post URL's so this post will end up being pretty long, Im sorry! :sad:

1. "First of all, let my wish you welcome to my site! Since you have clicked your way in here, I guess you have heard about ******* ****!
   
   I assume that you are dealing with the same problem as I used to have not to long ago. If thats the case then I know there are some things here that I can guarantee will make you loose weight like never before, without a strict training- or dietplan.
   
   
   I have spent alot of time writing this review, covering ALL the important aspects of how it will help you cut your weight. Where you can buy ******* **** at the cheapest price, and all the things you need to know not to get scammed. Believe me, there are alot of fake products out there claiming to do the work.
   
   
   I used to suffer from overweight, and I had been doing so my entire life. For many years I had tried to loose weight without suceeding. I ended up in a spiral of negative thinking, I started to feel worse and worse about not only my body but of myself as a person. Why couldnt I achieve the dream body that so many others had achieved?
   
   
   I used to be depressed, feeling ashamed of myself and the many times i had tried different diet-solutions. Sometimes i lost a few pounds, but in the end I always ended up back on square one..
   
   It was only recently that I came across ******* ****. And guess what, I am amazed by the results it has given me! I had tried so many other supplements over the past years that I didnt really believe it would work. That these little pills actually could change my life. That is probably the situation you are in right now. This is also the reason why I am writing this review. I know how terrible many people feel over being overweight, how it affects every aspect of your life in a negative way. I know how much this has helped me, and it will without any doubt help you too!"

I know that many of you guys on the forum are experienced internet marketers, and i have learned so much from reading on the forum. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Greetings

Simon

Simonp said:

I would appreciate any tips and opinions on how i can improve my writing in itself, but also the approach of the article!

Greetings

Simon

Click to expand...

Write. Write. Write.

Continued practice will transform you into an awesome writer. Also, I'd suggest you to go through few online portals, which are dedicated towards English Grammar and content writing.

In addition, I think it will be a great idea to
hire a native English editor to proofread your articles
before you post them on the site. Poor grammar can be a
great turn off to potential clients.

I just now saw your site and to be honest, it didn't impressed me a bit. Work on the site first. Make it look professional and something similar to those that are popular in your niche. Make impression with images, e.g., Then|Now type images + testimonials. Look at some of the CB products. Only then your words may impress your few visitors.

You need lots of targeted visitors to sell those products IMO, and that niche is a unprofessional-newbie killer... so work on those lines. Honestly, your article needs a lot more to create any professional impact IMHO.

There are some grammar and spelling issues. I could start to list them but there are quite a few and I don't want to seem like I'm picking fault. The reason I don't want to do that is I think your writing style is personable and fresh. One thing I would say is "I used to suffer from overweight" sounds bad. "For years I was overweight" or "I used to suffer weight issues" are more correct, and I think would read better to a native speaker. I agree that hiring an editor is a good idea, but while doing that read some English newspapers online to get good practice in grammar so you can fire the editor.

or instead of hiring an english writer, just sell your articles to someone who needs a bunch of them for cheap. for software submission etc.

srb888 said:

I just now saw your site and to be honest, it didn't impressed me a bit. Work on the site first. Make it look professional and something similar to those that are popular in your niche. Make impression with images, e.g., Then|Now type images + testimonials. Look at some of the CB products. Only then your words may impress your few visitors.

You need lots of targeted visitors to sell those products IMO, and that niche is a unprofessional-newbie killer... so work on those lines. Honestly, your article needs a lot more to create any professional impact IMHO.

Click to expand...

Thanks for the input! This is the first sales article I have ever written so I was not expecting any good feedback on it. As well for the site, it is also my first one.
I fully agree with you about the site, I am not done with the graphics and layout, but I decided to try to write an article anyway. Even though I know that the 100% bounce rate not would be
good for my SERP, if i get any trafic at all that is.

I have been looking at other sites working with the same product and according to me they tend to look this way, but ofcourse mine needs alot of fixing still.
Just to make it clear, the layout and contentarea are not finished. This is just the first step in putting content on the page. I will add testimonials (like you said), pictures, buttons. As well as
increase the length of the sales letter itself. As it is now, it is not really pitching at all..

Thanks for the compliment, I wasn't not expecting any..

Well, guess I have some english reading to do then. While I'm doing the reading I will look for ways to improve the layout and adding text and other content to the sales letter.

Is fiverr a good site to use if I want to hire a freelancer to do my writing? That might be something that I have to do for now..

You can't win a battle without losing life !! keep focusing... you have done a great job !!