New site, too scared to do any SEO

I have a site that is around 40 days old, maybe a little more. I'm slowing adding articles and content, but naturally overtime I will be adding more articles. The niche it is in and what the site is actually about requires me to update it regularly really, so content isn't an issue. I've set up all the relevant social media accounts for the site and I'm updating them all when necessary, and I'm going to be making some videos to put on YouTube.

I'm trying to keep the SEO for this site as whitehat as possible after my last site got hit badly from the most recent update (lost all rankings, just sold the site can't be bothered with it anymore). The thing is I'm just mega paranoid about building links. The only links I have so far are from the social media accounts and from around 5 legit comments on blogs using my real name. I know any link you build yourself is technically webspam to Google so I'm just finding it so hard to get any links other than just going and buying a blackhat service on a forum like this. Even the links I've built already are seen as webspam to a certain extent.

If anyone has any experience with whitehat SEO (proper whitehat, not the whitehat where it's actually blackhat lol) and has any advice or tips I'd greatly appreciate it! I just don't know what kind of links to build if any. I'm trying to build this into a proper company that will last for 5, 10 or even 20 years online, and not just get hit by a google update in a few months. I don't know whether I'm just being a pussy and should just build some links and just build a massive variety of them to keep em looking legit, or whether I should try and go natural even though it will take years longer to get any links.

P.S the niche is kind of hard to guest post, somewhat impossible. It would be like pepsi doing a guest post on coca colas website, just wouldn't happen.

I kid you not we are in the exact same boat. I was taking care of a site and ranked all the keywords over 6 months of hard work and then got the 2.1 update. This is my friends business site so i am working on repairing this. I now have another client a big serious company and I to am nervous. I posted a thread a couple of hours ago saying that I have created lots of article and want somewhere to put them and that i built some pr web2 and wanted to work white hat. The only reply to that thread was - I don't see anything whitehat what your trying to do.

I hate answers like that on forums, help or F-off, but then I thought yes technically any form of forced link building is not white hat so how can you be just white hat. Here is my suggestion that I am going to try, and i believe this is white hat and I shall list why. I am sure this will need tweaking of course.

1) Set up as many different socials as you can of course 1 of each in your business name - white hat because that is your right to meet clients
2)Choose just a couple of web 2 platforms I would choose tumblr because this is a bit of a social network compared to others and the other i would choose is blogspot, I always choose blogspot because all my work is unique, its googles and I have nothing to hide so let google in is what I say, you can then share/promote your blog on that network this will generate links - white hat because a company is more than welcome to have a blog or 2 and will wish to share it
3)Put all share icons including bookmarks on your website and any picture pages eg)if you were selling cars etc get pinterest icons on the pictures etc - white hat, you Havant built links but this will enable others to bookmark, share socially your stuff. If you have traffic you will get shared and this way different parts of your site will be backlinked on the social and bookmark sites.
4) Join 1 forum related to your niche and use it and get a link in your profile and signature.
5)Guest posts for this you may have to think miles outside the box, does your niche not even have an area where you could create a how to guide.
6)Set up a google email alert for your niche or keywords on forums. Everytime a thread or reply is posted with your keywords you get an email. Join the forum and jump in and help, possibly drop a link or just hint at your site with the url (if you cant post links), maybe you will only get traffic, but with all the social buttons on your site maybe you will get links.
7)Buying services - I know this aint white hat but I am now going to buy manual blog comments probably only 15, but a mix of and no follow and defiantly on good pr related pages and then leave it for a month or 2, why would a website have its url on thousands of blog comments.

The biggest thing I need to look for is places to put my articles but not having much look at that, maybe you have suggestions.
Anyways you're a senior member so maybe I havnt put much in there that you dont already know but from a part timers opinion I think it is a good realistic approach