Need help/advice for broke, sad person.

Go to find freelancer saction of this forum, find a job you can do. When you have earned your first 15$ buy a domain and hosting with that, do your keyword reseach before investing your hard earned cash. Then start adding content to your site (maybe with your own language), build links make your site rank - get cash from google adsense or CPA sites. From beginning you need to reinvest you cash back into the business before you have something which makes you continuesly cash.

Good Luck!

Use some free hosting, get a domain and start IM. You can do it.