Need Blackhat SEO Master

I just launched a new blog - very funny one and I want to start pulling huge traffic numbers.

I want to rank page 1 google for the following 3 keywords:

funny quotes
funny jokes
funny pictures

This will give me over 1 million "exact" searches monthly

Now, I have never ventured to the black side haha - so what should I do to rank quickly for these keywords?

I am looking for a Blackhat SEO Expert that has the ability to get this done. All input appreciated. If you do not want to post in thread just PM me

These are the highly competitive keywords , PM me your budget mate because it will take a huge budget .

pm send you. Please check ...